I Used to Know
by HeroOFMine
Summary: We all know how the first episode of TBBT went and how it led up to Leonard and Penny, but what if Penny was actually interested in Sheldon, but a jealous Leonard triffled with her feelings? How long would it  the quirky BS, MS, MA, Ph.D, Scd man to win?
1. Chapter 1: No such thing as Fate

**Chapter One: No Such Thing as Fate**

**Hey guys! Those of you who liked the Merthur story I was working on, I lost it. I took it off to work on it (because there were so many errors my computer was missing). Turns out my computer had a virus and had to be erased of everything. So instead I began to get inspired for Sheldon/Penny. **

**I apologize! **

**This is close to the first episode of TBBT with a little bit of changes. I won't be doing every episode or anything… **

**: ) Enjoy!**

**000**

"_She is quite an improvement from our last neighbor." _

"_You mean the two-hundred pound transvestite with a skin condition? Yes, she is." _

Penny looked up from the stack of boxes surrounding her. Actually there weren't as many as she had anticipated. Apparently packing up your life from a small town in Nebraska to a scumbag "actor," to your own place had a lot less baggage then she anticipated.

What she saw when she looked up was a site she wasn't really used to seeing. Two pair of eyes gawking at her in both amazement and curiosity. It wasn't like she didn't know she was pretty. In Nebraska, she became Queen of the Corn Queen's Court which was a pretty big deal in her family.

The celebratory pie had been extremely delicious.

_Sweet Potato_

Penny looked at the two men viewing her. Well, one of them was viewing her; the other had suddenly become fascinated with his bag strap or the floor. He was extremely cute with gaudy plaid pants and some sort of t-shirt with an odd symbol on it.

The other man was cute too. He was about the same size as Penny with a friendly smile. His eyes were kind of squinty even though he was wearing somewhat fashionable glasses. His smile grew when he noticed Penny look at him.

Penny walked closer to the door; left the boxes piled on the floor and rubbed her hands on her shorts to get the dust off. How could boxes be so dirty when they were brand new? Not that she was a clean freak, but still.

It made no sense.

As she approached the doorframe, the two gentlemen followed her example and approached her on the other side. The taller one continued to look down even as he moved.

"Hi!" Penny said, wondering why she sounded so cheerful when inside she felt horrible.

"Hi!" the smaller of the two men said in a somewhat high pitch voice.

"Hi" the taller man murmured.

Penny lost her smile a little, what was his problem?

"We are your neighbors. We live across the hall..."

"Oh!" Suddenly it made sense why these men were so cute and apparently shy. _They were gay! _Her best friend in high school had been gay, she missed him. "That's nice!" Her smile grew. At least now she wouldn't have to worry about being hit on and could get over her ex, the jackass.

The shorter man began to turn red. "N-no, not like that! We live to together in a hetero-sexual way!" His friend beside him nodded in agreement before looking back at the ground.

Well there went that.

"Oh." Now Penny was the one looking down at the ground.

"My name is Leonard and this is Sheldon." Leonard held out one hand in what looked like a mix between a wave and a handshake. It came off as his arm standing out halfway in-between. He automatically put his arm back before Penny could decide if she wanted to shake it.

His other hand (she now noticed) was holding a brown bag of food.

Sheldon looked her in the eye and gave her the cutest little smile. It didn't last long before his focus was once again on the floor. _He needs to work on his social skills!_

"Penny." Her cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling so much. There hadn't been a lot to smile about since the breakup, but these guys were just so nice. They didn't need to hear about her breakup with Kurt on the first day.

"Maybe sometime we can hang out." Leonard said. He stopped making eye contact and squinted towards her. He must have been focusing on the ceiling or something way above her head, because his head was slightly tilted upwards. It took all of Penny's focus not to turn around and look to see what he was so curious about.

Instead she said "Oh that sounds nice! Maybe we can all get some coffee sometime."

"You could come over and watch 'Battlestar Galactica' with us." Sheldon asked surprising the hell out of Penny. _What the hell is Battlestar Galactica_?

"Sheldon…" Leonard began fidgeting a little "I doubt she wants to watch Battlestar Galactica, but more importantly we have already watched Battlestar Galactica."

"Not season two with commentary!" Sheldon exclaimed. He glowered at Leonard and then looked up at Penny a little hesitantly. "We also have lunch, if you are interested."

Sheldon quickly turned away from Penny and Leonard and walked toward the apartment across the hall. He unlocked the door, strode inside then put his keys in something that sounded like it was made of glass.

He left the door open.

Penny grinned "is he always like that?" Her eyes never strayed from the opened door at the end of the hall.

"Actually..." began Leonard, taking Penny's focus away from the opened door and back on him "he is usually a lot worse. This is him being really well behaved and social."

Penny laughed.

"You are more than welcome to have lunch with us. We are having curry which would really lower the stress you must have after all the packing done in the past couple days. It can also make you regular" Leonard began to blush "and nothing says relaxation like a healthy colon!" He coughed and fidgeted looking away.

"Leonard I'm no expert, but I don't believe discussing ones regularity when it comes to bowels is really the way to invite someone to lunch." Sheldon, who after becoming situated in their apartment had realized Leonard, still carried their food. Nothing was worse than cold curry. He walked towards Penny and Leonard and reached for the brown paper bag.

Leonard moved out of reach waiting for Penny to decide. He motioned for Sheldon to wait a moment.

"It's okay; I'd love to come over for some curry!" Penny closed the door of her brand new apartment and walked across the hall. She was in for quite a culture shock when she made it past the threshold of the other apartment.

There were white boards everywhere with gibberish written on them. Math equations mixed in with letters and what looked like squiggles her nephew drew on the paper menus of every restaurant.

She also noticed a lot of the "knick knacks" around the apartment matched the symbol on Sheldon's shirt.

"Feel free to make yourself comfortable." Leonard said putting his bag away before placing the food on the table in the middle of the living room. He opened each of the lids and put the cutlery next to each dish. The smell of curry wafted in the air reminding Penny how long it had been since she had eaten a meal. Water and a berry&nut mixture just didn't cut it after a while.

She walked around the apartment and approached one of the larger boards covered in multiple lines of scribbling. "Leonard did you do this?" She pointed towards the board and smiled.

"That's my work." Sheldon said walking towards Penny and the whiteboard.

"So you're like one of those beautiful mind genius guys?"

Penny's grin grew as the cutie lowered his eyes towards Penny and gave a somewhat cocky grin. Obviously the best way to get to know Sheldon was to discuss his work; she would have to remember that. He looked hot as he leaned in a little closer and whispered "Yeah."

"This is really impressive."

Penny looked up into Sheldon's eyes and smiled. He smiled back.

Not seeing the look that crossed Leonard's face Penny went towards the food and sat down. She automatically sat at the seat closest to the lamp and furthest away from the door thinking this would keep her out of the way in case the two geniuses had plans. Maybe they would make a rocket! Like rocket scientists!

"You wanna see a cool board Penny?" Penny looked up towards Leonard and lowered the forkful of delicious curry goodness that had been so close to her mouth. _So close! _She slowly began to stand up and walked towards the back of the room where Leonard was located pointing to his own board.

It had a lot more stuff on it then Sheldon's had, but it had a lot less squiggles.

"Holy smokes! You did that all on your own Leonard? I am quite impressed."

Sheldon snorted from across the room still standing near his board with his hand lying on the top of one corner.

"If by holy smokes you mean the same sort of stuff one sees in the general education classes at MIT, then sure."

"What?" Leonard squinted as Sheldon walked away from his board of doodles to Leonard's board of doodles.

Penny sat back down next to the food and listened to the two men bicker. Out of the corner of her eye she could see both men square off. Each with their arms folded on their chest.

"At least I didn't have to invent universes so the math could come out!" said Leonard.

"The universes are there sir" Sheldon argued, sliding his hands away from his chest and toward his pockets.

"Oh, yeah?" Leonard peered towards Sheldon and observed him "which of the twenty-six universes are really there?"

"All of them, that is the point!"

Penny was completely lost. All she knew about the universe was the Solar System and even then she knew the names of the planets, but not the order. She rarely paid attention in school, but she did enjoy it. Well, she enjoyed her football-playing-boyfriend Matt. Quarterback. Hot. That was what Penny truly remembered about high school.

She took a bite of the curry and sighed in content. It was truly delicious.

She didn't notice the room get quiet, but suddenly she had a man standing directly behind her.

"Penny, that's my spot."

Sheldon looked down at her from where he was standing. His face started twitching a little. It was still kind of cute in an odd sort of way.

She finished her bite of curry and turned to where she was facing him directly. She lightly pulled her shorts down as she did so. Shorts on a leather couch were very annoying. She smiled up at Sheldon, he did not smile back.

"Come sit next to me sweetie." She took her hand and lightly rubbed the middle seat in a circular motion.

"Erm…" Sheldon stuttered watching Penny's hand. "No, that is my spot."

Leonard sighed from the chair directly across from Penny.

"Just sit somewhere else Sheldon. It's only for a couple hours." Penny heard Leonard begin to eat behind her. She didn't stop looking at Sheldon though to check.

"Why is this spot yours?"

"In the winter that seat is closer to the radiator to remain warm and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it is in the path of a cross breeze created by opening windows there" Penny looked to where Sheldon was pointing with her jaw slightly ajar "and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct thus discouraging conversation nor so far away to cause parallax distortion, I could continue but do I really need to go on?"

"Oh….kay. Sheldon come sit in your spot and I'll sit here, in the middle."

"You really don't need to do that" Leonard whispered glaring at Sheldon as Penny moved.

"No its fine, I don't want to be a burden." Penny was quite fascinated by Sheldon's speech anyway. What else was the poor man going to say? Was he this particular over everything?

Once everyone was situated and in their proper places, Penny began to feel a little uncomfortable. What did she have to talk about with these guys?

"So Penny, tell us a little bit about you."

"Well, I'm from Nebraska. I grew up on a farm. I want to be an actress and am currently writing a screenplay. Until I get my big break though, I work as a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory."

"What is the screenplay about?" Sheldon asked with a slight eyebrow raise.

"My life."

"Interesting." Leonard said with a broad smile. Penny smiled back. Leonard was so sweet.

"I guess if one wants to read a screenplay about serving cheesecake then your screenplay is definitely the way to go." Sheldon ventured taking another bite of his curry.

A little put off after Sheldon's speech, Penny scooted a little further away noticing how their knees were touching this entire time (a detail noticed by Leonard).

"Although" Sheldon began again "cheesecake is one of the true desserts which show America at its best. I've always wondered why we didn't say 'American as Cheesecake' though now that I sit here thinking about it, it doesn't sound quite as catchy as 'American as Apple Pie.'"

"I love apple pie!" Penny said smiling. At least in this rant she knew what the cute guy was talking about.

"I love mine with ice cream" exclaimed Leonard.

"No you don't you are lactose intolerant." Sheldon said looking away from Penny and now viewing his friend in a quizzical manner.

"It doesn't matter Sheldon" Leonard said clinching his jaw and grinding his teeth. Each word was met with a new breath and frustrated sigh. "So, that's the story about Penny? It sounds fascinating."

"Yeah" Penny realized her eyes were watering. She looked down at the ground hoping to not break down in front of the two nice guys she met today. _Get it together Penny! _"It was, until I moved here and dated an asshole for four years! That's as long as high school."

Sheldon began twitching again.

Tears streamed down her face. She sniffled.

She looked up and smiled as Sheldon held out a tissue towards her.

"You know what the worst part is?"

"That it took you four years to graduate high school?" Sheldon inquired. Squirming away slightly as Penny continued to blow her nose. Although he did smile a little as Penny snorted.

"No" she laughed slightly "he cheated on me and I still have feelings for him!"

"That is stupid." Sheldon handed her another tissue.

"Yeah, I know." Penny stood up and threw out the tissues. She rubbed her eyes with her hand and then looked down. She was covered in box dust from her apartment. "Ugh, I'm so gross and my shower isn't working."

"You can use our shower." Leonard began sounding a little grumpier than he had earlier. It would be months before she found out just how jealous he was over her lack of enthusiasm towards him. Years before she knew how much Sheldon actually did care for her. Such a waste.

"She can?"

"Yes" Leonard glared at Sheldon "She can. She can use the damn shower."

Penny walked up to where Leonard was sitting and pat him lightly on the shoulder. He was just so sweet!

Penny proceeded to follow Leonard to the back of the apartment noticing where the two bedrooms were located; opposite one of the bedroom doors was a picture in a black frame. Penny walked up to the picture and leaned in a little closer to see what it was. She smiled slightly at what looked to be a young Sheldon in a cap'n'gown being hugged enthusiastically by what Penny had to assume was his mother.

"When was this picture taken?" Sheldon looked extremely young in it. He must have been in early teens by this point. High school graduation maybe?

"Oh, that is Sheldon when he got his second Doctorate." Here is a towel for you Penny. Feel free to use anything you want. Just holler if you have any questions." Penny took the bright red towel from Leonard noticing a yellow lightning bolt making her think of Sheldon's shirt.

Getting naked underneath the symbol suddenly sounded really invigorating to her, _you just broke up with your boyfriend Penny, get it together!_

She smiled at Leonard and thanked him for everything. She noticed he looked exceptionally happier than he had been in the room with Sheldon. She turned around and walked into the bright yellow bathroom. It was so clean and cheery, like an oasis in the middle of a nerdy little kingdom. Although by this point anything would have been wonderful as long as there was hot water.

Penny threw back the shower curtain and had to focus really hard not to giggle at the sight of the boys shower gel, shampoo, and conditioner. Each bottle had a character from the Star Wars movies on them, with the plastic heads and everything. Did grown men really use these? She was suddenly thankful for her ex-boyfriend. He was dumber than a box of toads, but at least he had taught her about Star Wars. Kind of. Mostly, he had just had a thing for Princess Leia and the golden bikini…

000

Leonard stormed down the hall to where Sheldon was quietly sitting and finishing his meal.

"What is your problem Sheldon?"

"I don't know what you mean." Sheldon stood up and threw out his meal.

"Are you hitting on Penny?" Leonard stood next to the island and the kitchen watching Sheldon twitch and squirm away. He was interested in Penny!

"No, of course not. She just broke up with her boyfriend."

"Yes she did, but I am really interested in Penny." He was. She was the first girl he could imagine having smart and beautiful babies with! She had a beautiful smile, lovely hair, an amazing body. She looked like every heroine in his comic books except for being blonde.

There was no way in hell that Sheldon Cooper, the man who could barely have a conversation without complaining about something was going to get into Penny's pants instead of him! Not that that was really the only thing he wanted, but still.

"Leonard, I really hope you don't think you will be engaging in coitus with this girl." Sheldon moved back towards his spot and sat down. "What will you two have to discuss after the coitus?"

"Oh, and I guess you think you could do a better job?"

Sheldon looked towards Leonard in confusion. "No, I have no interest in engaging in coitus with Penny."

"Good."

000

Penny got out of the shower and wrapped herself in the red towel. It was quite soft and fluffy. She snuggled a little in it, bringing it up a little to caress her face.

_Knock, knock, knock. _

_Penny?_

_Knock, knock, knock. _

_Penny?_

Penny opened the door slightly confused. Sheldon looked away from her in the bright red towel and knocked lightly against the door with his knuckle even though it was already open.

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny? _He whispered.

"Yes Sheldon?" Penny continued to adjust the towel noticing Sheldon's eyes follow the movement before he coughed and looked away. Sheldon was very 'old school' like a southern gentleman. Although she didn't know if he was southern. She didn't really know a lot about the quirky scientist.

"Penny, we seem to have more company than when you entered the shower. Our friends Koothrapali and Walowitz have arrived." Sheldon held his left hand behind him awkwardly.

"That's okay sweetie." She patted him on the cheek noticing the twitching start again. "Once I get dressed I can leave you guys alone so you can spend some time with your friends."

"I thought of that" he brought his left hand up which contained a pair of men's pajamas and top. "I didn't think you would want to get back into your dirty clothes. What would be the point of getting into your dusty clothes after taking a bath?"

Penny took the clothes from him.

"I don't know if these will fit you they aren't mine, but they are clean. Feel free to keep them." Sheldon slowly turned around and walked out of the bathroom.

Penny smiled and began to get dressed in the clothes Sheldon had provided her. The top was a little snug in the breast region and the pants were a little long, but comfortable. She bent down to roll the pajama bottoms up. She once again noticed the little lightning bolts and red color on the pajama bottoms, how could these not be Sheldon's?

Seeing her dusty clothes scattered on the ground, Penny bent down and wrapped them up in the towel. She figured at least for a while, she could keep the towel too. She was starting to really enjoy the lightning bolt and the luminous red.

She walked slowly from the bathroom down the hallway grinning slightly at the picture. Sheldon looked so uncomfortable. His mother must have been really used to her quirky son because she just hugged the hell out of him and then someone snapped the picture. Perfect.

The closer Penny got to the living room, the more convinced she became that Leonard and Sheldon were more normal than their friends. Voice number one had a really thick accent and was talking about how Natalie Portman was stellar in Star Wars and the Phantom Menace, and the second voice kept talking about how he would "nail Natalie's phantom in a menacing way." Voice number two sounded like a tiny little creeper.

He was.

As Penny approached the living room, a smaller man with a bowl haircut approached her.

"It must have hurt when you fell down from heaven, because baby you are an angel sent from above." The little man bent down reaching for Penny's hand and kissed it. Penny recoiled and slowly pulled her hand away not wanting to hurt his feelings, but get away. Far away.

"The name is Howard, and you are?"

"Penny. I'm a waitress!" Penny moved away from the man and walked towards Sheldon and sat down next to him. He was in his spot smiling slightly. "Penny that was Howard Walowitz. The quiet man sitting down on the ground there next to your feet is Raj."

Penny squeaked as she noticed the man who was sitting quietly on the floor. She held out her hand and smiled at what she assumed was the first voice. He was cute too, brown skin and wearing multi-layer sweater vest. He smiled back at her and shook her hand.

Penny looked back at Sheldon. "Why isn't he saying anything?"

"Yeah, don't take it personally." Leonard walked from the kitchen to the living room and joined the rest of the group. "He doesn't speak to women."

"He doesn't speak to women, like at all?"

"He has selective mutism." Sheldon finished and proceeded to take a drink of hot tea. He put the cup back on the coaster next to the lamp by the couch.

"Penny would you like a hot beverage?" Penny smiled.

"I should have offered you a hot beverage earlier" Sheldon explained. "The social convention is to give you a hot beverage when you are feeling sad. I should have given it to you when you cried." Penny continued to beam towards Sheldon and politely declined.

Both of them missed the amazed looks by Raj and Howard and the angry look on Leonard's face.

"So, are we going to start the second season of Battlestar Galactica or just stare at the blonde angel?" Howard whispered towards Raj. Raj nodded in amused silent. He then leaned closer to Howard and whispered something in his ear.

"That's what I mean, Sheldon is noticing a girl." Howard and Raj smile.

"Sure." Penny adjusted herself to focus on the television. "What is this show about?"

Sheldon sighed beside her. She looked over at his bemused expression. "Penny" he said her name as if he was talking to a toddler. It made her smile.

"Ooh is this going to be about sinking ships?" Penny noticed every time she interrupted Sheldon he began to twitch. She found herself really enjoying this reaction. Who knew an anti-social twitchy man could be so fascinating?

"I think you mean Battleship." Sheldon mumbled.

"Oh sorry."

"Don't be. It's just more proof our education system is lacking."

"Don't be an ass Sheldon." Howard adjusted his legs on the couch next to Penny behind Raj. His black leather pants stuck to his legs creating an annoying slick noise. He then adjusted the sleeves on his black and red sweater which matched the red dickey underneath.

Sheldon smirked. "Anyway Penny, Battlestar Galactica was made in the 1980's. Well actually 1978, but this is the 1980's version which is a little better. Anyway, this is about Earth and its defense against…"

"So how many are there?" Penny stated. Annoyed with Sheldon, such a moody ass!

"Many." Leonard responded, smiling slightly as Sheldon began to twitch at being interrupted.

"Generations! Each one more quelling then the next." Howard finished next to Raj who nodded in agreement. Raj leaned up towards Howard and whispered in his ear.

"Yes, Lorne Greene is a treasure." Howard said in exasperation.

Raj sat back down on the floor smiling.

"Penny I would prefer if you didn't interrupt me again. Please." Sheldon stopped twitching.

"Sheldon I would prefer if you didn't behave like a monkey with no manners. Please."

"There are so many errors in that example, but I apologize." Sheldon whispered the last part. It was barely audible over the opening credits, but all of them heard it. No one acknowledged it or discredited it. Dr. Sheldon Cooper never apologized unless he was begged too by Leonard.

Penny looked over at Sheldon and smiled, "I accept your apology sweetie."

Sheldon grinned back and adjusted himself in his spot for ten episodes of Battlestar.

000

A few hours later, Penny woke up to absolute silence. She opened her eyes to a pitch black room. No one was there and the sun was still outside causing shadows. She stretched wondering where the gang of nerds had gone. They really were unique, but they made Penny feel special.

Especially Sheldon.

It felt as if the precocious ass always made her smile for some unknown reason.

She rubbed her eyes and stood noticing somebody had wrapped her in a blanket and added a pillow underneath her head. Probably Leonard.

She laughed as she noticed a note located underneath all the squiggles on Sheldon's board.

_Penny, _

_We left. Leonard claims I need to add more to this note, but what? _

_You can find us at Big Boy, it is Tuesday night. Tuesday night is burger night. _

_Dr. Sheldon Cooper (BS, MS, MA,PH.D, Sc.D)_

Penny smiled, even in a note Sheldon had to show his accomplishments. She bent down and folded the blanket neatly on Sheldon's spot. She then laid the pillow on top. She walked to her apartment quietly closing the door on the way out.

Time to get out of the PJ's and into some nice clothes! Penny had never had a big boy burger before.

000

**Well, I hope you enjoyed! Chapter two should be up pretty soon. **

**Let me know if you have any issues or concerns with this. **

**This will have sex, but like some of the other Shenny fics, you can't really have Sheldon ready for love making at first. **

**Just a lot of cuteness and then love. **

**Also, you might hate Leonard at first….just warning you. But later you will love him again. **

33


	2. Chapter 2: Justice League of Pasadena

**Chapter 2: ****The Justice League of Pasadena**

**I want to take this time to thank everyone for all their love and support! This is quite amazing and I am speechless. Seeing the reviews really is like a kick in the pants for me to keep writing. The next chapter may take me a little longer to post because I have a business meeting out of town for three days, but it will be done. Sheldon and Penny are lately my biggest obsession…**

**Forgive my lack of understanding in the comic book realm….I tried! I got all my information online at a comic book website. As well as the line from Star Trek. I am not a trekky, so my understanding of the show is very limited. **

**Jislane: Thank you for that remarkable comment. I love knowing that I have stuck to the characters. I hope to keep that up! **

**shadowdweller25: You really will…I'm sorry. **

**clint bolr: I agree. Although, I think of Penny as more of his equal then Amy. Penny fights back, but accepts the flaws and quirkiness. I think they have the most chemistry on the show : ). **

**Helikesitheymikey: Don't be scared! I promise it will be okay. You know how fanfics work "years" could mean one chapter lol. So, don't be worried! What's a little angst amongst the sugar? **

**Okay, back to the chapter! (Sorry, had to acknowledge the people I haven't been able to respond to.)**

**WARNING: You will hate Leonard…**

**Note: I don't really hate Leonard on the show, but he and Penny are boring together. Sorry, had to say that. I mean it is a Shenny fic not a Lenny fic. **

**SORRY, anyway chapter 2! **

**000**

The restaurant was filled to the brim when Penny arrived twenty minutes after seeing the note. She looked around the main room wondering why the boys would pick this particular place for a hamburger. The Pasadena Big Boy was filthy and outdated. The vinyl coverings on the booths were a faded split pea green and burgundy striped pattern, some even sporting huge slits in the middle where the patrons sat and ate in bliss. The booths could have simply been bright pink or another diner color, chic instead of old.

Penny was also amazed Dr. Sheldon Cooper who had his own spot and preferences when it came to pretty much everything would be seen eating at a popular fast-food make out spot and hang out location amongst the "regular" people.

Not to mention the cute little boy in overalls standing in front of the restaurant over twenty feet tall.

This place was not what Penny had imagined.

Penny scoped the room a second time looking for the gang amongst the Pasadena locals. She smirked slightly as she saw them in a heated discussion. She could tell it was a usual occurrence since Sheldon seemed to be doing all the talking, whereas the other three were doing a lot of glaring. Even Raj with the fear of talking to women (_what was that about?)_ looked at Sheldon with frustration and irritation. Raj seemed to be the one Sheldon had eyes for too in this discussion.

She pitied him.

Not wanting to disturb the debate over something she was sure she had no idea about, Penny waited a few minutes before slowly making her way to the table.

000

"Aquaman is the king of the seven seas and ruler of Atlantis there is no way he is less important than the other members of the Justice League." Sheldon glared at Raj who kept rolling his eyes. An annoying habit everyone around him seemed to have. "Also, I don't understand why I have to remind you of this every time there is a comic book convention."

Raj sighed. "Dude, Aquaman sucks. He is the suckiest character in the Justice League of America!" Raj took a sip of his water watching Sheldon who squirmed a little trying to think of every reason why Aquaman was amazing. It wasn't like he really hated Aquaman, but he could never understand why he always had to be Aquaman. Wonder Woman would be a better fit than Aquaman, sure it would be slightly embarrassing to be in a leotard, but anything was better than walking around with a seahorse attached to your legs! At least Wonder Woman had the lasso of truth instead of super smell. How can super smell help you in the ocean?

Think about it.

"In Aquaman #5, Aquaman is left in the desert to rot. He hallucinates about his kingdom and his father causing him to question his sanity and his purpose." Sheldon smirked "Aquaman has a number of superhuman powers, most of which derive from the fact that he has adapted to live in the depths of the ocean. He also has the ability to breathe underwater."

"They all have superhuman powers Sheldon." Leonard rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses, causing his vision to be blurred for a few moments.

"Yes, but Aquaman gets his powers from the ocean instead of an object." Sheldon lifted his hand with his index finger slightly higher than the rest, not really aiming at anyone in particular just making the motions of a point. "Unlike the Green Lantern who gets his powers from his ring and his… well, green lantern."

"Why would I want to be a super hero whose villain is a desert? His biggest fear is dry sand!" Raj countered causing Sheldon to make the point making motion once again with his hand.

"They all have weaknesses Raj just like humans. At least they can talk to women." Sheldon lowered his hand and took a sip of diet coke from his glass. Rubbing at the droplets left where his mouth had been with his finger.

"If Aquaman is so powerful why don't you dress up as him at the comic book convention instead of the Flash?" Raj smiled knowing how Sheldon felt about the fastest man alive and choosing to ignore the attack on his mutism. He crossed his arms over his sweater-vest-covered-chest and waited.

"Right, and then we will have the pleasure of listening to Sheldon complain about not being the Flash until the day we die." Howard muttered fidgeting with the tiny alien pin on his collar.

"See, Howard gets it!" Sheldon beamed.

"I really don't." Howard lowered his hand from the small pin and looked at Leonard who continued to have a frown on his face since leaving the cheesecake smelling goddess sleeping on the couch.

"What's the matter little buddy?" He grinned in mischief. "Are you sad because Sheldon had the moves with your woman while all you got was a little curry?"

Leonard's frown deepened, "Shut up Howard." There was no way he was going to tell Howard in front of Sheldon that yes he was offended Penny had no interest in him when Sheldon was around. Maybe he could get Sheldon to admit he was not interested in "coitus" when Penny was in hearing range. Then Penny would see how there was no future with his roommate.

When had he become such a jerk?

"Aw, don't get curried away little buddy!" Howard lifted his arm and reached across the table to pat Leonard. "Hey, did I ever tell you about the hot babe I talked to when I was at Hope Café? She was a dime!"

"Hope Café the internet café?" Leonard adjusted his stance in the seat scooting in a little closer to the table so a small group of people could get to their table. He noticed Sheldon however, did not.

"Yes!"

"What do you mean she was a dime?" Raj asked with a slightly raised eyebrow. He turned his head to look at Howard. "Did you mean she was a prostitute?" Raj paused "Is it safe to have intercourse with someone worth ten cents?"

Howard looked over at Raj and waited a few moments for what he had just asked to sink in with the others in the group. "No, and no!" He turned back facing Sheldon and Leonard and rolled his eyes. Leonard smiled back, but Sheldon fiddled with his glass oblivious to the rest of the conversation.

"It means she was a ten! She was hot!"

"Then why didn't you say she was hot? Why must you always say weird things?"

"When have I ever said weird things?"

Raj scrunched his face and shrugged his shoulders. If Howard wanted an example, Howard was going to get an example. "What about the time we were at your mother's Thanksgiving dinner eating Turbriskafil and you looked over at your cousin Marcy who happens to be a nurse and said I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough."

Howard winced slightly and laughed it off. "She was my second cousin, and it was funny."

"Or the time you asked the woman in front of you at KFC if she worked there because she had great breasts and legs!" Raj continued, ignoring Howard's protests.

"Oh come on, that was funny!"

"How about the time you asked the girl behind us at the Pasadena Library, if you could borrow her card, because you wanted to check her out?"

"How was that one wrong?" Howard asked now frowning at Raj.

"Dude, she was seventeen!"

"How was I supposed to know that? Besides, there was nothing wrong with my game, just the audience."

"You always say the stupidest things and I always have to defend you."

"I can't believe you are bringing this up right now." Howard slouched a little in his chair and held his arms tightly to his side clenching his fists.

"You always say you are going to change, but you never do!" Raj pouted slightly and looked away.

Leonard and Sheldon shared a glance.

"Gentlemen it has come to my attention that the last 15 minutes of this conversation have been moot and pointless. Might I suggest we return to the problem at hand and persuade Raj into becoming Aquaman for the comic book convention?" Sheldon looked around the table into the eyes of his friends and peers (except for Howard who just had a Masters). "Honestly, if you guys focused a little more on comic books and a little less on each other, we might have more to discuss!"

"Sheldon, be nice." Leonard murmured wondering if Penny was ever going to show up and where the waitress was to take their orders. Every waiter here knew who they were and with Sheldon's specifications Leonard wasn't really shocked by the lack of enthusiasm in their direction.

"Why should I have to be nice Leonard? I'm a physicist with two Ph.D.'s; they should be apologizing to me since they wasted my time."

"Why don't I dress up as the Green Arrow instead of Aquaman?" Raj asked. "He is part of the Justice League of America too."

Sheldon squirmed, why must they make it so difficult? "Sure." He began drawing the "r" sound slowly and thickening his natural southern accent. An accent he fought to hide all the time, but somehow always showed up when he was being extremely sarcastic or when he was exceptionally angry. "With you as the Green Arrow and Leonard as the Green Hornet nothing can stop us now!" His eyes twitched.

Raj sighed. "Fine, whatever, but next time I want to go as the Marvel comic book characters instead of the DC characters."

Raj, Howard, and Leonard shared a smile as Sheldon convulsed, jumped, and writhed in his seat.

A few moments went by in complete silence. Each person at the table listened while other people in the restaurant chatted, ate, and lived their lives. Cutlery squeaking occasionally on the black and white china caused each of them to jump at random moments.

The sound of chairs moving in and the occasional "So, sorry" could be heard directly behind them. Leonard turned a little too where the disturbance was occurring and smiled. There was Penny in all her natural glory with her blonde hair down and a few smudges of makeup. It helped too that she had changed out of Sheldon's Flash theme pajamas (he never thought Sheldon would let someone else borrow something he wore) and now sported jeans and a pink and yellow top which showed off her cleavage really well.

"Hi guys! Glad to see your all still here." Penny smiled at each of them. "I just saw the note, thank you!"

Leonard smiled and scoot his chair out before standing up in chivalrous welcome. Well, that was the plan anyway, instead he scoot his chair back hitting a waitress who was holding a pile of dishes causing them to crash on the ground.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" Leonard turned cherry red and bent down to help the woman.

"All in a day's work cutie. It happens all the time here." A robust woman with a heavy New York accent slightly deepened by years of chain smoking responded. She smiled at Leonard before standing up to retrieve a broom from the back of the restaurant.

"See Leonard all hope isn't lost yet!" Howard whispered quietly from the table causing Leonard to glare at him once he was situated back at the table. "You do have a chance with some women. That woman seemed particularly interested in you."

"Shut up Howard. She was older than my mother."

"And…?" Howard questioned next to a suddenly mute Raj who was smiling in amusement.

000

Penny looked around the small group wondering where she was going to sit. Howard and Raj were sitting on one side of the table which was a booth. A better looking booth than the others she had seen throughout the restaurant since there was no split down the middle, but no way was she sitting next to Howard. The side Sheldon and Leonard were at had wooden chairs instead of a booth. Penny wondered if Sheldon preferred wooden chairs because he could control their location, but she was probably overanalyzing.

"Hello Penny!" Leonard smiled at her. This time choosing a more subdued greeting then he had planned.

"Hello Leonard." Penny smiled in return.

"Penny." Sheldon nodded at her. His blue eyes twinkled slightly as he did.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper, BS, MS, MA, Ph.D. and Sc.D. What an honor to see you again." Penny nodded in return and laughed softly as the man before her blushed and smiled. His smile was adorable and made his thirty years melt away to a much younger Sheldon.

"Cheesecake smelling goddess" Howard leaned down as he had done earlier in the day trying to kiss her hand. Penny took a step back.

"Howard I thought I told you to stop." She said instead no longer caring if she hurt his feelings.

"I don't believe those words ever left your succulent lips, my sweet."

"Stop" Penny gave Howard, _the creeper_, the same stare she gave Kurt when she caught him cheating. She had been told the look made men want to cover up their penises in sheer terror of castration.

_Hey, whatever worked! _

Penny looked over at Raj who squeaked in her direction, smiled, and demurely waved. Penny waved back.

"Penny, while you were reintroducing yourself to everyone again, I flagged down a waiter and asked him for another chair." Sheldon then pulled out a Big Boy menu from the condiments and napkin area and laid it carefully on the tabletop in between himself and Leonard.

"Thank you Sheldon."

Penny wondered what Sheldon had said to the waiter, because shortly after telling her he had made a request, the chair showed up between the two men who shifted a little to let it in. She shifted around Sheldon squeezing in tightly to get into the spot. Even though each of them had left her with plenty of room on each side, there was still a lack of space behind her causing very little room between the chair and table. Her breasts lightly grazed Sheldon's arm.

She stopped to see his reaction.

Sheldon gave no outer appearance of being uncomfortable except for the tightening of his hand around his glass of diet coke. Penny was impressed no one else at the table noticed her pause in mid-motion, especially Howard. They continued their flow of conversation as Penny began moving again to get into the seat.

"So Penny, Leonard tells us you are trying to be an actress." Howard said, noticing Penny and Sheldon's moment but deciding against it once he saw Leonard scowl in their direction.

"Trying is definitely the term, yes."

"Yes, I forgot to ask earlier Penny, have you been in anything recently?" Penny looked over at Leonard and smiled. She reached out and squeezed his hand lightly.

Leonard beamed.

"No, I haven't been in anything recently. The last audition I had was two weeks ago and the man said I was too Midwestern." She laughed softly. It was funny know, but at the time it had made her slide down the front door of her former apartment (with jackass) sobbing in frustration. "I'm not even sure I know what that means."

"Well the American Midwest was settled by mostly people of Scandinavian descent." Sheldon turned his cup slightly looking down. Raj and Howard looked from Penny to Sheldon and back to Leonard. Anyone viewing the table from another part of the room would have thought Howard and Raj were watching a tennis match.

"The Scandinavians have characteristics of having a certain type of jaw line and being bl…" Sheldon lifted his arm to follow the path of his own jawline before being interrupted by Penny whose voice had suddenly become louder and angrier.

"I know what it means Sheldon! God, you know when I left Nebraska people kept telling me with my looks the calls would just be rolling in! I'm personable, I'm nice, I work hard I should be like freaking Angelina Jolie, but no, Penny never gets anywhere. Penny never gets a call back! Penny is just Penny, the screw up! Sometimes I wonder if I should never have come out to California to begin with." The last bit she whispered. It was Penny's biggest fear that California would become a big waste of time.

Sheldon blinked. Leonard smirked. This was how their relationship would go; he had nothing to worry about.

"You know Penny; I'm reminded of a quote from Star Trek."

Penny looked over at Sheldon in question.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine actually." Penny continued to have no emotional response to anything Sheldon was saying. He coughed lightly and continued "there is an old saying, fortune favors the bold, well I guess we are about to find out." Sheldon nodded his head and then turned away from Penny slightly wondering where the waitress was.

"Huh?" Penny had no idea what that quote was supposed to mean. _Is he saying I'm not bold enough? Should I lie about my acting career and spice it up to seem more successful? Sorry Sheldon that I am such a depressing burden for you!_

"Do I have to describe everything to you?" Sheldon sighed and Penny frowned, giving Sheldon the same glare she had given Howard when he had tried to kiss her hand earlier. Howard had squirmed and crawled slowly away from her and back to his seat. Sheldon, on the other hand, seemed to have no response to her glare. Emotionally or physically.

"My point is, even while fighting otherworldly demons the members of Star Trek still managed to have a sense of humor and look on the bright side." He paused "so buck up!"

"Sheldon you are a massive douche, you know that?" Howard muttered next to a nodding Raj.

"I don't know what a feminine hygiene product has to do with anything Howard. I was just trying to help." Sheldon looked over at Penny whose facial expression had not changed since he had relayed one of his favorite Deep Space Nine quotes to her. Maybe if she watched the movie she would understand how it was an affirmation to just living life to the fullest. Even though, he would never live life that way. Life needed to be structured perfectly, but Penny seemed like a girl who would want to go through life in a carefree nature. This was one of the only quotes he had for that.

Everyone at the table looked up as a small woman approached holding a pad ready for their order. She smiled at Raj first, "What can I getcha cutie?" She then pulled a pencil from the loose bun on her neck and began to write down his order.

Raj pointed to the picture of the double decker hamburger and a chocolate shake. Then to everyone's amusement, including the waitress, he clicked his tongue and winked while cocking his fingers in a gun like pose blowing loudly on the tip of his finger. The waitress blushed and smiled.

Howard leaned in towards Leonard and whispered "I don't get it! He can't even speak to women, but he can charm the hell out of one by just a simple smile!"

The waitress then looked at Howard and asked him for his order. "What would you suggest for a man who just pumped sixty pounds of iron this morning?" He then kissed the biceps on both his arms wiggling his eyebrows.

Penny snorted. _Really? He looks like he doesn't even weigh sixty pounds when wet! _

"I suggest having your momma wash out your mouth with soap from all those lies. I'm going to write down on my pad here, that you will be having the double decker burger as well, with a chocolate shake like your friend here." She pointed to Raj. "Got any allergies to any of that?" Her left brow rose.

"No mam." Howard said quietly from his seat. Frowning because he was embarrassed and for the fact he still lived with his mother who occasionally threatened to wash his mouth out with soap even though he was almost thirty.

"Don't worry Howard; we still love yah cheese and all." Penny said feeling sad for the little man.

Howard smiled, his spirits lifted.

Leonard was next, then Penny, and last but not least Sheldon. This confirmed Leonard's previous thoughts of every waiter in the restaurant knowing about Sheldon. The only good thing was Sheldon ate at the same seven restaurants, so everyone there knew his preferences and his order. Although, Sheldon, always reminded the person serving them about his specifications, whenever and wherever they ate.

Penny and Sheldon continued to sit in an awkward silence until the food came. Howard, Leonard, and Raj talked amongst themselves about how Superman could adapt to the ocean better than Aquaman could adapt to the desert. Leonard was extremely worried about this since there was never an argument Sheldon didn't have to win or a theory he never wanted to prove.

But there they both sat in an awkward silence. Sheldon with an expression of pure confusion and Penny with an expression of exasperation, she even had pursed lips. The two of them were staring into space completely oblivious to what happened around them.

The waitress from before came with a gigantic round tray holding all five meals. She handed Raj and Howard their burgers first followed by Leonard and Sheldon's. Just as she was about to hand Penny her burger, she was tugged backwards by an overenthusiastic child who clutched her uniform tightly with his left hand trying to stop his fall.

It didn't work.

Penny watched as the waitress and her burger went flying up in the air and then down to the ground next to the little boy who started shrieking in what she assumed was fear and shock. Penny didn't understand how he could have slipped until she noticed the boy wearing those tennis shoes with the skates/wheels on the bottom. He had obviously been skating around the Big Boy establishment and crashed into the only person in his way.

"Tyler Maxwell Pilsner, what have I told you about riding those damn skates inside!" A woman screeched from the opposite side of the restaurant with orange curly hair flying every which way.

"But, mom!" Tyler, the young boy on the floor, stood up quickly before his mother could reach him. He then helped the waitress up apologizing over and over. Penny was impressed. The boy quickly started helping the waitress pick up the pieces of Penny's hamburger from the ground.

Once everything was finished, the boy and his mother offered to pay for Penny's burger. She declined, but thanked them for the offer. They then went back to their own table and on with their lives.

Penny sat there, hungry. _Balls!_

"Miss, I am so sorry about your burger." The waitress sighed while she adjusted her uniform, "I will go take the order back to the kitchen and have them place some more patties on the grill. Your meal is on us, literally!" The waitress laughed aloud before quickly heading towards the kitchen. The rest of the table waited with her not wanting to eat their meals in front of her. So sweet!

"You guys can eat I swear, it is okay!" Penny watched as everyone began to dig into their burgers except for Sheldon.

"Penny, I noticed you ordered your burger the same way I ordered mine." Sheldon removed his napkin from his lap (where he had placed it before the burger incident) and placed it near his glass of diet coke. "Medium well, pickles, onions, and cheese on the side. Is this correct?"

Penny glanced at him. "Yes Sheldon, that is correct." She only did it so that the waitress would have fewer things to worry about. As a waitress herself, she loved when people ordered the same way in a group. It was a lot easier.

"Well, would it be presumptuous of me to say you are insatiable at this moment?" Sheldon turned a little sideways to watch Penny's reaction.

"Yes sweetie, you know I am hungry, but I am willing to wait for my replacement burger. Why?"

Penny's eyes enlarged as Sheldon slid his burger in front of her. He then put a fresh bottle of ketchup and mustard in front of the burger, mimicking the same positions they had had previously in front of him. She glanced over to see his face.

"I have been pondering how to make up for what I said earlier to you, which you took as a means of offense, without having to apologize again. I apologized this afternoon to you, and really how many times can I be wrong in one day?"

Penny smiled a little. She realized this was just…_Sheldon_. Sheldon was abrupt, rude, arrogant, twitchy, socially awkward, but somehow caring. Even knowing him for just one day, she was able to tell this would always be how things went between them. Sure they would fight, make fun of each other, be complete pains to one another, but at the end of the day they would care. Penny was sure of that.

She took her right hand and wrapped it around his shoulders squeezing gently. Feeling happy for the first time since she had been offered a chair in the establishment, she leaned in and kissed Sheldon softly on the cheek.

He smiled.

"So I'm going to assume Sheldon was just replaced with a clone." Howard said leaning in closer to Raj while watching Sheldon and Penny interact. No way would the real Sheldon ever give away his precious food with his precious rules and regulations in his precious restaurants. No way!

Raj leaned in to Howard cupping his hand around his mouth so he wasn't overheard.

Howard laughed out loud causing the rest of the people at the table to stare at him quickly before going back to what they were doing. He looked over at Raj and nodded in agreement. "Right or he could be a robot."

000

Penny was excited to be in bed in her brand new apartment. The first night she had been in California she had slept in her car, then she slept with Kurt, now she slept alone in her first apartment by herself. It was heaven. Everything was arranged the way she wanted and decorated in her favorite colors of turquoise and pink. She wondered what Sheldon would think of the clutter and the mess compared to his organization and perfection.

She smiled.

Sheldon offering his burger had been a big deal according to Howard, who had pulled her over when she was walking to her car to tell her so. It took him a few minutes to share this with her, with a bruised jaw.

_Never startle someone at night who knows how to fight back, who doesn't know this? _

Howard apparently didn't, but he did now.

"It's me!" Howard had cried. "Damn you woman!"

"Well what the hell are you doing?" She went up to the teary eyed man in front of her and took his chin in her hand to assess the damage. "I'm sorry Howard I'm new to this part of town remember? Now when you get home stick a bag of peas or something on this, okay?" She cringed at the red mark marring his face wondering if it would be black by morning. Penny let go of his chin.

"It's fine." Howard sniffled. "It isn't the first or last time I will be hit by a woman."

Penny smiled. Honestly it probably wouldn't be the last time Penny hit Howard either, but she didn't say this aloud.

"Okay Howard, what's so urgent you had to scare the crap out of me?"

"Sorry again" Howard said smiling marginally. "I just wanted to see if you wanted to join us this Saturday for paintball."

_Paintball…? What is paintball? Why are there so many things I have never heard about lately? _

"You scared me to ask if I wanted to join you at paintball." She gave Howard her glare.

"Sheesh Penny, enough with the glare! Let me explain" he fidgeted around moving his hands as if he was constructing something she couldn't see. "I'm not asking you for me, but for Sheldon."

"Sheldon…?"

"Yeah, I don't think you see how important you are to him already. He never apologizes!" Howard winced from the pain in his jaw as he began yelling to make his point. He took his hand to press on it hoping to stop the burning sensation. "Sheldon never shares; he never does anything for anyone."

"I thought you didn't like Sheldon?"

"Nobody particularly_ likes_ Sheldon. He is two steps away from being a super villain and usually one step away from having someone's foot up his ass. Half the time we make bets to see if we can get him to admit he is a robot!"

Penny snorted.

Howard continued, "He's different with you. He is less of a pain in my ass when you are around."

_Gee, thanks!_

"So, Saturday is paintball?"

"Yes, and if you have any hot girlfriends interested in getting dirty" he wiggled his brows suggestively "invite them along."

"Will do Howard" Penny responded sardonically.

"One last thing Penny before I let you go, please let Leonard know you are interested in Sheldon after Saturday." Howard turned and began to walk in the opposite direction of Penny.

"Why?" Penny knew her eyes were the size of saucers and her eyebrows were raised as high as her hairline.

Howard stopped walking and turned around. "He likes you too okay; he is a good guy who deserves to hear it from you." With that little bit of seriousness, Howard turned away again and walked back to his scooter.

What Penny hadn't seen once she too turned around heading back to her car, was Raj waiting for Howard near his scooter. Raj was holding Howards bright red helmet in his hands and shivering slightly from the cool Pasadena breeze which had picked up as the evening progressed.

"You let her know?" Raj asked quietly. Sometimes after being mute for so long, it took him awhile for his voice to return to a normal volume.

"You mean about paintball and the possible invitation of some sexy ladies?" Raj nodded again. "Of course, I've got your back!"

000

Penny awoke the next morning to the sound of knocks on her door. She squinted to see the alarm clock and groaned when she realized she had four hours until her 11:00 am shift at the Cheesecake Factory. The knocks weren't in a particular pattern she remembered from before with Sheldon, so she wondered who it was.

Slowly she got out of bed, reached for her lilac robe, and headed for the door. Opening it slightly Penny saw a squinting Leonard with what she presumed was a paintball uniform.

"Hey Penny!" he smiled apologetically. "Howard called me last night to let me know you were interested in paintball this Saturday. I figured I would give you our extra suit before work. Or before I forgot…" He smiled and held out the uniform in his right hand. Just like the day before, she noticed his eyes focus on something above her head.

Penny adjusted her stance and opened the door a little wider taking the uniform out of Leonard's hand. "Thank you Leonard." She walked up to him and hugged him lightly. "Have a good day at work!"

Penny turned away heading into her apartment. She was about to lay the uniform down on the couch when she noticed Leonard hadn't left. "Was there something else Leonard?" she asked before continuing to place the uniform down carefully.

"Yes, actually there is." Leonard fidgeted.

Penny laughed. "I don't bite Leonard, well only on occasion! Seriously though, what is it?"

"Are you interested in Sheldon?" Leonard stopped fidgeting and focused intensely on Penny.

Even though she had left her teen years long ago (well it felt longer than what it was) Penny could feel heat course through her face and up to her cheeks. There was also moisture building on her palms and behind her neck. _Hadn't Howard prepared her for this?_ He had also specifically said to wait until after Saturday, not that she was taking advice from the little creeper.

This was the perfect opportunity to let Leonard know that after some time, she would ask Sheldon about his feelings. Like a week. A longer amount of time might result in them killing each other before getting to the real good stuff.

"Yes Leonard, I am interested in Sheldon." Penny whispered watching Leonard's reaction.

She was not expecting the smirk. "I thought so."

"Oh!" Penny laughed a little. "So you knew? I'm sorry Leonard. I hope you and I can become great friends."

Leonard's smirk deepened. "I asked him if he would ever have sex with you."

Penny had no idea where they came from and frowned at Leonard. What was going on?

"Well…that seems a little rude."

"He said he would never have sex with you. He is never going to show you any emotion Penny. Sheldon is like the ice man!" His voice was becoming louder with each example "half the time we bet to see if we can get Sheldon to admit he is a robot!"

"Howard told me…" Penny whispered feeling her heartbeat increase.

"He is always going to be the guy who wants everything perfect and no person will ever be good enough to ruin his routines. This includes you, me, and every person on this planet! Whatever its fine! If you want to date the man who will never love you then I say go for it. I could have easily loved you. We could have been perfect!" Leonard slowly walked away leaving Penny with tears in her eyes.

"Leonard, wait! It doesn't have to be like this. I'm sorry!" she called out leaving her apartment door open as she ran further down the hallway to follow him.

Because of Kurt, because of all the self-doubt she had, Penny followed Leonard. Penny apologized to Leonard. Penny even agreed to go out with Leonard, because why break a pattern?

What Penny didn't see standing across the hall on the opposite side of a closed door was Sheldon listening to every word.

000

***RUNS AWAY FROM THE ROTTEN VEGETABLES THROWN IN HER DIRECTION***

**I'm so sorry! I promise it will go back to light and fluffy soon! I hope you enjoyed this up to the end though. **

**I want to point out that there is a Hope Café in LA, so there is some advertisement for them. **

**I have never been to Big Boy, but I know their specialty is a double decker burger. Anything described is just my imagination. **

**Also, if you do like Leonard I promise he feels extremely guilty and will start to change, (not right away, but slowly). **

**I don't hate Leonard (again), but I think in the early seasons he would have been PISSED to see Penny with another one of his friends…**

**Note: Do not judge Penny too harshly. When someone cheats on you and you are used to the abuse, it is hard to break a pattern. If you rewatch the first season of TBBT Penny takes Kurt back after everything he did to her, before she begins to grow. I wanted to show that in this. She agreed to go out with Leonard because he was acting like the men she was used too, she will change too. **

**I really hope I didn't turn anyone away! **


	3. Chapter 3: Revenge is a dish

**Chapter 3: BortaS Blr Jablu'DI' ReH Qaqqu' nay' Revenge is a dish best served cold. **

**So, no one wants to kill me yet? I am quite impressed! **

**You guys are absolutely ****amazing**** and I am so excited to hear your opinions and views on Shenny. Everyone has an idea of what Sheldon and Penny would be like together and there are some fan fictions out there that are absolutely incredible! **

**I hope you enjoy Sheldon's revenge!**

****Also, promised a reference to the movie 300. It's in there! Enjoy. ****

**0000000000**

Leonard walked up to his apartment door a little tentatively. Coffee with Penny had gone according to plan, not that there really was a plan apart from limiting the amount of perspiration through his button down shirt, the conversation between the two of them had flowed easily enough which was nice. The night couldn't have gone any better! Well, it could have gone further physically, but really there was nothing to complain about.

He pulled his dark blue shirt away from his skin waiting for the air to remove the moisture from his chest. Moisture which hadn't been there during the date, _luckily_, but began to grow the moment Leonard made it to his door.

He opened the door slowly anticipating…_something_. He didn't know what to expect from his roommate, but he knew to be ready for anything. Leonard had known there would be a slight chance Sheldon had overheard everything he said to Penny, but in the heat of the moment he hadn't really put a lot of effort into hiding his disdain for her true feelings.

Sheldon wasn't the one who wanted to walk over to her and meet her. Sheldon wasn't the one who decided Penny needed to have a note letting them know they were at Big Boy. It was Leonard! It was also Leonard who decided he would do anything to keep Penny happy. Well, anything that wasn't illegal.

Leonard continued opening the door and was met with a veil of darkness. No light seeped from any technological device indicating life somewhere in the apartment or one of the bedrooms in the back. This indicated his roommate was surprisingly missing from their home.

Leonard couldn't have been more grateful.

He turned away from the dimness feeling the wall around the doorframe for the light switch. He hit the bowl used for housing the keys first, then knocked over one of the knick knacks on the small table, before finally reaching the switch.

He swore softly when he saw he had knocked over a small figurine of batman. Thankfully it hadn't been damaged, but he blew on it lightly removing any dust or carpet fibers (sure to be seen by Sheldon) and placed it back on the tabletop. Leonard took his work bag which had been used as an "emergency" bag for his date off his shoulder and placed it on the ground.

Leonard learned long ago anything could happen on dates so the "emergency" bag became his way of being well prepared. The bag contained extra clothes, condoms, gum, deodorant, and flash cards with topics on them ranging from subplots in the Avengers to planetary objects. Although, since he had only had two girlfriends before Penny the bag was rarely used and the flashcards were slightly outdated.

Leonard stretched a little popping his back and shoulder relieving the pressure caused by the bag strap, placed his keys in the assigned bowl, turned around and screamed. Possibly the loudest and highest shout he had ever produced because there sat Sheldon in his spot.

Normally if Sheldon was sitting in his spot quietly it meant he was solving problems in the air imagining formulas and what not on a nonexistent white board. This couldn't be the reason for Sheldon sitting there now however, since it had been pitch black not too long ago!

He lifted his hand clutching his heart breathing heavily. "What the hell are you doing sitting in the dark Sheldon?" He waited for a response while listening to his rapid inhales and exhales echo throughout the room.

There was no response.

Leonard continued to wait as his breathing leveled out and his heartbeat returned to normal. He looked at Sheldon quizzically watching as the man sat like a statue. Leonard wasn't even sure his roommate was blinking or even _breathing_.

He slowly walked up to Sheldon and put his hand up. He jumped a little as Sheldon's blue eyes met his.

"Leonard might I suggest you get your hand out of my face." Sheldon openly glared.

Leonard quickly moved his hand away from Sheldon and took a step back. He was now a hundred percent sure Sheldon had heard his conversation with Penny. If there was any doubt before, the open glare confirmed his suspicions.

"Leonard" Sheldon began, rubbing his hands on his cargo pants before standing up. He waited until Leonard sat down in the loveseat beside him before beginning with the speech he had been practicing. "It has come to my attention we may have a problem on our hands, a big problem. If we were using the color scale in an emergency situation, this would be considered a code red."

"We have a code red problem?"

"Yes." Sheldon paced back and forth staring at the ground watching his favorite pair of converse create grooves in the carpet. "I'm not going so far as to say that you have betrayed my trust, because actually I am not at all surprised by your deceit. You are small and your research has been done multiple times already by the Swedes and the Italians."

Leonard blinked. "I am convinced that the only reason I am not currently in the beginning stages of dating Penny is because…" Sheldon paused before looking Leonard in the eye "I am not meant to be." _At this time_, he thought, smiling a little.

Sheldon went into the kitchen and started making a pot of Earl Grey tea. Even though it wasn't for anyone in particular, it was still a social convention for troubled moments. One must always listen to social conventions.

Leonard smiled and squinted towards the kitchen watching Sheldon. "So you're fine with me dating Penny?"

"Sure." Sheldon filled the tea kettle with water before placing it on the stove. "I know how this ends Leonard, everyone knows how it ends." He smiled. "It ends happily for Penny and not so happily for you." Sheldon stared at the water for a while before giving up and turned around to face Leonard who had a scowl on his face.

"How can you say it ends happily for Penny but not for me?"

"Just look at your dating life Leonard. You have one former girlfriend in North Korea, one who transferred out of the University to move across the nation for an "experiment" and then Penny who just broke up with her boyfriend."

"So?"

"So? Don't you get it?" Sheldon took the kettle of the burner once it whistled and put the tea bag in the hot liquid to seep before continuing the discussion "you will leave this relationship miserable, while Penny will go on to a much more deserving man." He turned away reaching for a white mug covered with the superman emblem and placed it on the counter. Next he took out a teaspoon and bottle of honey in the shape of a bear.

"And who do you think this hypothetical man will be, you? Do you honestly believe she would choose someone like you over someone like me?" Leonard stood up and clinched his fists.

"Were you not listening earlier?" Sheldon raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes (he finally had a reason to partake in the annoying habit). "Your relationship is doomed." Sheldon looked down at the perfectly made cup of tea before lifting the mug slightly in the air watching the steam float before putting it directly in front of Leonard's face.

"Tea…?" Sheldon gave Leonard his most innocent smile watching the other man frown before taking the mug.

"Isn't science amazing? With just a couple of difference in degrees I can turn the water in my tea into ice for another beverage or gas, but that's not really important. Meemaw always told me that when a person is upset, hurt, or in your case _doomed_, they should always be given a hot beverage."

Leonard watched as Sheldon walked out of the kitchen, down the hallway, and into his bedroom.

**00000000000**

Sheldon had never been as angry as he was the moment he heard Penny follow Leonard down the hall apologizing profusely. Honestly, it was just humiliating! Not for Penny, who was just doing what was expected of her (she had just left a bad relationship), but for Leonard to have to result to lies in order to get a woman was just embarrassing.

Sure he loved to live his life with a little order, who didn't? Order didn't result in chaos and chaos was absolute madness. Complete and utter madness!

Sure he had a routine, but after a while didn't everybody? Who didn't have a "regular" meal at their local restaurants? The only difference between him and the rest of the patrons when it came to eating, not in life _obviously_, were his rules about the amount of fork prongs, germs, and seating locations in the room.

It didn't make him a robot.

There was only one other time he had been offended by a nickname or mock given to him by one of his friends and that had been in the third grade. There he was sitting at his desk, wearing his favorite t-shirt depicting evolution, working on his calculus equations and waiting patiently for the lunch bell to ring (Meemaw had made his favorite a grilled cheese sandwich with a smiley face in the bread) and that was when Michael Haring had come up to him and whispered "Sheldon Cooper is a pooper scooper." After Michael said this it spread around the school like wildfire. He had never been surprised to see the other kids join in on the taunting; they were after all as stupid as lambs following the farmer to the slaughterhouse. He knew the reason the kids tormented him, they were jealous.

He proved he wasn't a "pooper scooper" a few years later when he left school to go to college. _Wonder what Michael Haring is doing now?_ Bet he isn't one step away from getting a Nobel Prize or proving string theory!

Sure there had been other moments where he was humiliated by a bully, but Michaels taunt always stuck with him, and now so would Leonard's.

Sheldon sat back down in his spot staring into space not bothering to turn on any lights. Sitting and imaging what he should say to Penny and what he should say to Leonard. How could Leonard have said those things to Penny, especially once Penny had admitted her feelings?

Oh yes, he had heard that too.

He liked Penny; she had fire and spunk and didn't focus on his idiosyncrasies. She fought back with him and stood her ground like Uhura with Spock. They just hadn't had a lot of time to move on in the relationship before Leonard used her broken heart to get his way.

For the first couple of hours Sheldon imagined interrupting one of their dates, pulling Penny in for a passionate kiss, and leaving Leonard standing there shocked. Indiana Jones made the "passionate kiss" look simple enough and if the archeologist could make it work while sporting a fedora then so could Dr. Sheldon Cooper!

But, Sheldon had never kissed a girl before except for on the cheek and he didn't think a peck could get Penny to leave Leonard.

The second scenario he imagined was beating Leonard to a bloody pulp and laughing manically in glee. Perhaps screaming "SHE IS MINE!" at the top of his lungs, punching Leonard in the gonads, and kicking him in slow motion off a precipice and down a gigantic hole to hell was the way to go. He could still laugh manically if he wanted too, this was his imagination after all and Leonard hearing "mwah-ha-ha" might do him some good.

But he could never do that to Leonard. He still liked Leonard after all of this and in time he would learn to forgive him. Leonard was just weak like Michael had been weak. It wasn't worth the loss of the seven years of friendship, but it was time for a change.

Penny was the change.

Penny needed someone to listen to her woes (or complaints about Leonard in the bedroom). She deserved to have someone who was constantly there for her helping her stand on her own two feet and that would be Sheldon. He would care for Penny while she dated Leonard and after Leonard. Then he would admit to Penny his true feelings.

_I like you Penny, want to come over on Halo night?_

**0000000000**

Leonard was amazed at how smoothly everything had gone. Apart from the verbal attacks against his relationship with Penny and the tea to sooth his doom; there hadn't really been a response. It took a few days for Leonard to realize Sheldon wasn't going to poison his food, jump on him while walking down the hall or attack him in his sleep with a deadly gas like a Gotham character. Nor was Sheldon apparently going to scream at him for what he said.

He couldn't have been more surprised, or scared. What was Sheldon planning?

He awoke Saturday morning to the sound of soft feminine laughter and the smell of French toast. There also seemed to be male laughter as well, though it was slightly muffled.

Leonard got up, put his glasses and robe on, brushed his teeth, and began to leisurely walk down the hallway listening for clues.

"Sheldon, come dance with me!"

"Penny" Sheldon used to condescending voice he sometimes used on others sounding like a parent instead of a friend or equal. Leonard hated this voice.

"Sheldon" Penny said using the same voice and laughing quietly.

"I do not dance."

"Sure you do!" Leonard stopped in the middle of the hallway and waited patiently to see what would happen next. He heard the sound of a piece of metal clanging in a bowl and picking up speed. He had to assume it was one of them beating egg yolks for the French toast.

"See Sheldon" Penny continued "just shake your hips while you beat the eggs!"

"Penny, I am not a Latin singer with hips to shake!"

"Shake it Sheldon, shake it!"

"No."

"Sheldon in those twenty-six universes you created to make the math work for your squiggly white board the other day…"

"The universes are there madam; the universes are there and…" Leonard heard Sheldon pause and become quieter "…you remembered the twenty-six universes?"

"Yes sweetie."

"Anyway I interrupted you, what were you going to ask?"

"In any of those twenty-six universes do you dance?"

Sheldon laughed. Well he inhaled really, but that was his laugh. "No."

"Are you sure? What if I put the right music on?"

Leonard felt uncomfortable just standing in the hallway and once again began to make his way to the living room. He walked inside just in time to see Penny turn on some hippy dippy music and shake her hips around Sheldon.

"Penny, what is this music? It doesn't make me want to dance; it makes me want to throw something at your machine." Leonard noticed Sheldon's eyes didn't seem to have a problem with the music since they were directly glued onto Penny's gyrating hips.

"It's Lady Gaga, Sheldon!"

"Why isn't she answering her phone since its ring-_ing_?"

Penny stopped moving and laughed heartily at Sheldon, who smiled at her with a bemused expression. "Did Dr. Sheldon Cooper just quote a Lady Gaga song?"

"Penny" Sheldon said once again in that haughty tone, "what else am I supposed to think when she sings the same thing over and over?" Sheldon paused somewhat lifting his brow "I mean really."

Leonard watched as Sheldon continued beating the egg yolks while Penny danced and mouthed the words. He must have been standing there for minutes, yet neither of them noticed him.

He coughed.

"Oh! Good morning Leonard." Penny smiled and sauntered over to him hugging him lightly. "Hope we didn't wake you. Were we really loud?"

"No, the smell of French toast woke me up." He smiled and leaned over a little to caress Penny on the cheek. He noticed she turned her head slightly away at first before allowing him to kiss her.

"Glad to hear it." Leonard watched as Penny made her way back to Sheldon who smiled at her.

"Morning Leonard" Sheldon handed the green bowl used to beat the egg yolks to Penny and washed his hands in the kitchen sink. "Penny, did you wash your hands?"

"Morning Sheldon" Leonard responded the same time Penny rolled her eyes and said "Yes, Sheldon I washed my hands!"

Sheldon looked at them both and shrugged as if trying to depict how each of them had responded, "Erm…good." He began to dip the pieces of bread into the egg yolk grimacing slightly if his finger touched the yellow liquid every now and then. After a few seconds of dipping the bread into the slime, Sheldon placed the finished slice on the cookie sheet, washed his hands, and retrieved a pair of plastic gloves from one of the lower cabinets.

Penny watched Sheldon dip the bread in the yolk using the plastic gloves with amusement.

"Sheldon its Friday, isn't oatmeal the usual breakfast for Fridays?" Leonard walked closer to the kitchen and sat down at one of the barstools near the island. He wanted to make sure he was a part of the discussions without being a part of the help.

Sheldon waited until he placed yet another finished slice on the cookie sheet "Penny, my Meemaw usually sprinkles cinnamon on the toast pieces before sticking them in the oven. Could you do that?"

Penny smiled and did as he asked.

Sheldon turned and looked at Leonard before picking up the last piece of bread and dipping it into the batter concoction, "of course since I am helping cook the French toast, I doubt it will be as tasty as Meemaw's. It won't hurt to add some spice though! What's life without a little whimsy?"

Penny laughed; _Sheldon Cooper lives life with a little whimsy?_ "To answer your question Leonard, Sheldon told me today was oatmeal day after I had already started on the French toast." Penny placed a mug in front of Leonard and filled it up with a dark Brazilian blend.

"Interesting" Leonard smiled at Penny and thanked her for the coffee, "how did you get him to agree to the toast?"

Sheldon responded, "She threatened me with castration, a hog tie, and a promise of ruining a routine."

"Ruining a routine?"

Sheldon nodded with a humorous grave expression on his face. "I believe she promised to stick a pink bra in my whites when I do my laundry and replace my orange chicken with tangerine chicken." Leonard and Penny laughed as Sheldon shuddered and grimaced.

Penny placed the spice shaker on the island next to Leonard before putting her arms around Sheldon and lightly squeezing, "I wouldn't have done it!"

Sheldon rolled his eyes clearly not believing her.

Penny let go of Sheldon patting his chest lightly before walking towards Leonard and picking up the cinnamon. Once the pieces of bread had been coated in the spice and approved by Sheldon, they were then placed into the oven. Leonard set the timer (his only job) and made his way to the living room. Sheldon followed along closely behind and sat down on his spot before turning on a rerun of Doctor Who.

Penny refilled her cup before making her way to the sofa. She sat down in the middle considering it her spot and leaned over to ask Sheldon a question, "Pst…Sheldon, what's this show about?" Leonard glared in their direction, but smiled as Sheldon squirmed with Penny breathing in his ear. He remembered how Raj had done the same to Sheldon whispering something for a second near Sheldon's ear, and what followed was the longest rant about ear moisture and bacteria.

Long even by Sheldon's speech standards.

Leonard prepared himself for another tirade about mouth to ear diseases and fungi infusions, but none came. Instead Sheldon patiently began to describe Doctor Who to Penny who kept moving her head to listen to the information and watch the episode.

"So it is the same character played by different actors?"

"Yes."

"Wow! What a cool idea to keep the show on air for a long time."

"Exactly, Doctor Who is an amazing franchise because it never has to be cancelled. It can just continue for generations and generations." Sheldon smiled and watched as the Doctor fought off yet another horrific C.G.I monster. Sometimes the effects were so bad it was cheesy, but the writing was so good it didn't matter.

"Sheldon, how much would you love for me to get a part on Doctor Who?" Penny looked over at Sheldon with a smirk on her mouth and a cocky raise of her eyebrows.

_Hello, I'm right here!_ Leonard thought, watching Penny flirt with Sheldon was pissing him off. Was she doing this intentionally or was it all in his mind? He knew they were friends, but what the hell!

Leonard focused on the television and missed Sheldon's response. He did see Penny jump a little and grin knowingly at the television.

The French toast could not come fast enough.

**00000000000**

After the three of them ate French toast and watched a second episode of Doctor Who, Penny went home. She had hugged and kissed Sheldon lightly on the cheek while promising him she would be there tomorrow for paintball, 7:00 am sharp.

Next she walked up to Leonard squeezed him in a big bear hug before sliding her palm on his cheek and kissing him lightly on the mouth. It should have been sweet, but more air was involved in the kiss than lips. She then asked Leonard if he wanted to come over for dinner in her apartment after paintball, he agreed.

Giving one more little wave and a smile to Sheldon Penny walked out closing the door softly behind her.

"That was some amazing French toast. Not as good as Meemaw's like I thought, but still good." Sheldon stood up and placed his dishes in the sink for a presoak. He then began cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing the residual cinnamon off the counters.

"So, is this your plan to get back at me for dating Penny?" Leonard clinched his fists and glared at Sheldon who had his back turned and was cleaning the cinnamon goo off the sponge.

"My _plan_?"

"Yes Sheldon, your_ plan_. Are you trying to make me jealous with Penny and win her back?"

"No, I don't have a plan Leonard. I'm just going to be there for Penny."

"You're going to be there for Penny?"

"Yes, stop repeating everything I say." Sheldon turned around and walked up to where Leonard was standing, "As I said before this relationship is destined to fail and when it does I will be there."

"What's the difference from what you are doing and what I did, huh?" Leonard crossed his arms and glowered.

"Because, I am not lying to Penny!" Leonard's face contorted with shock at Sheldon's shout. Sheldon rarely screamed.

"So you are just going to be there for Penny waiting for me to mess up?"

"You don't have to mess up for this relationship to end, so the waiting is quite futile."

"Well then, I guess we are just going to be trying to get with Penny." Leonard said.

"I'm not trying to "_get with Penny_," Leonard" Leonard almost snorted when Sheldon raised his hands to make air quotes. "I'm trying to make Penny happy. You obviously don't care about that."

"I do too" Leonard whispered at Sheldon.

"Sure."

Sheldon turned away walking towards the hallway to take a shower and change his clothes. Before doing either, he turned to Leonard, "One more thing Leonard, the next time you want to talk to Penny about me, make sure I am not standing on the other side of the door."

Leonard paled.

"I am not going to lie to Penny about you. I will never even talk to Penny about you. I would suggest you do the same."

Leonard nodded.

"Oh and Leonard?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"It's on bitch."

With that, Sheldon walked away to take his shower before heading to the University for work.

0000000000

Later that evening Sheldon lay in bed reliving the conversation Penny and he had had on the couch early that morning.

_Sheldon, how much would you love for me to get a part on Doctor Who?_

"_As which character Penny?" _

"_You know, one of the Doctors sexy sidekicks or something. Like that woman! _Penny had pointed with enthusiasm towards the redhead in the short skirt.

"_Amy Pond?" _He had asked raising his eyebrows.

"_Yes, Amy, except I'd be blonde!"_

"_This is a British television show Penny and you are not British." _According to Penny she had never had an acting job yet to count, so the idea of her being on BBC was slightly incredible. Also, really unlikely.

"_I can fake an accent sweetie and I'm not saying it would really happen! Just hypothetically…" _Penny had looked at Sheldon like Cat Woman used to look at Batman in the old television show._ Flirtingly_.

"_Hypothetically…" _He knew his face had to have been red. He could feel it!

"_Yeah."_

"_Hypothetically, I'd love to see you on one of my shows." _

00000000

**Thanks for reading guys. My apologies for this being so short! **

**The next chapter will contain paintball (and an explanation for Howard wanting Penny to wait to tell Leonard).**

**More Raj and Howard humor.**

**One comic book convention and a sexy dream about -a-Doodle! **

**It will be LONG to make up for this. **

**Thank you again for the support. Let me know if something is pissing you off. **

**Oh, and Leonard and Penny will last for exactly one and a half more chapters. Bear with me. **

**: ) **


	4. Not a ChapterPictures

MY FRIEND MOLLY (LOVE YOU) SENT ME SOME MANIPPED PHOTOS TODAY FOR "I USED TO KNOW," UNFORTUNATELY WILL NOT DISPLAY THEM. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE THEM GO TO

W W W . M E D I A F I R E . C O M / (NO SPACES)

.com/?9dmr6byvv045nbq

.com/?vhdvp6iuqkct1cs

.com/?dyqziqi3y09q2v6

.com/?naw4dgvrwbyi6a1

Go to these download links and click download (duh) 

Hit save file. 

These will either download in your download or picture tabs. 

**Or go to h t t p: / pig olantern .tumbl r. com/ (no spaces)** to see them online

THANK YOU SO MUCH MOLLY! I love them all!


	5. Chapter 4: Hunters vs Gatherers

**Chapter 4: Hunters vs. Gatherers**

**Okay so this chapter was really difficult for me to write, but I hope it was worth the wait since you guys have absolutely NO patience : ). So many private messages and reviews about UPDATING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I love it, it cracks me up! Don't worry, we have awhile. **

**I do not have a beta reader, so if I misspell words or something doesn't flow for you, I apologize. I read over my stuff, but I am human. **

**Make sure to check out the pictures advertising this story (look at previous posting) my friend Molly "Millie" did amazing! I posted them on my tumblr as well, so check it out! **

**Note: Barry Kripke replaces "r" with "w" so if you see that it is not a typo!**

**Warning:**** The dream is rated t-m and is not how the rest of the sex scenes will go (at least at first... it's Sheldon). It is just Penny imagining. **

**Enjoy! : ) **

**I own nothing, but the story. **

**0000000**

"Son of a bitch!" Howard walked beside Raj taking a sip of his caramel espresso, the drink wiki claimed women found sexy on men under thirty, and read through his text messages again. Taking a seat in the booth next to the store window, Howard sighed.

"What is it dude, did Sheldon cancel paintball this morning?" Howard looked up and rolled his eyes as Raj licked the whipped cream off his upper lip. Raj had ordered a caramel Frappuccino "heavy on the whip and less mocha chip!" Subtlety would never be either of their strong points.

Raj sat down across from Howard pulling napkins from the dispenser for his biscotti. He glanced around noticing they were the only people in the coffee shop apart from the barista._ Barista, that's a funny word!_ Though, he wasn't surprised to see there weren't a lot of people drinking at 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday. He was thankful though since both of them were wearing their camouflage paintball uniforms.

"What are you kidding?" Howard continued to rummage through the inbox of his iPhone, which was currently sporting a cover with Ironman. "Sheldon would never cancel paintball, it's like his church."

Raj nodded with a closed lipped smile and took another sip of his caramel deliciousness. "So then what's wrong?" He took a bite of his almond biscotti and adjusted the napkin on his lap.

"I just got the strangest message from Leonard. I'm checking my inbox to see if I missed something."

"Oh." Raj reached over and took Howards phone. The text must have been pretty upsetting since there was no confrontation or argument about "boundaries" when he did. Raj pulled the phone in closer opening the message tab, then inbox, before clicking on Leonard's name. He frowned.

There it was, the reason for Howard currently running his hands through his hair.

_**(Page 1)**_

_**Asked Penny out! : ) **_

_**Everything is going great! **_

_**See you at paintball. **_

**(Page 2)**

_**Sheldon knows.**_

"How did that happen?"

"I have no idea." Howard took a sip of his espresso, his body contorting at the tart and bitter taste coursing from his mouth to the rest of his body. _Who would willingly drink these?_ He pulled a napkin out of the dispenser and used it to rub the residual coffee grounds he was sure were still there off his tongue. He pushed his cup to the edge and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why would she agree to go out with Leonard when she could have gone out with me?"

"Seriously dude, _you_?"

"What?" Howard raised himself from the slouched position he had been in while thinking about the text, "are you saying I'm not hot enough to be with Penny?" He squared his shoulders slightly and put both palms face down on the tabletop before leaning in towards Raj whose eyebrows rose to his hairline, "think about your response and understand we are about to go play the deadliest sport in the nerd world."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but_ no_." Raj smirked.

"Fine" Howard pouted causing Raj to smile.

"What are we going to do about Sheldon? That is the big problem isn't it?" Raj finished off his almond biscotti and coffee before standing up to throw out both. He then came back, disposed of the extra napkins, and sat down in the chair across from his best friend.

"Yes, that is a problem. I just don't understand how it happened."

"Why not, Leonard is a nice guy and Penny is new in town. It's not completely out of the realm is it?"

"Yeah, but" Howard fidgeted. "Okay this is going to sound weird, but when I told Penny how rare it was for Sheldon to share and what not, well, she seemed really excited."

"How excited" Raj leaned in listening intensely.

"New comic book night excited."

Raj closed his eyes and sighed. He then leaned his head onto his hand as if on the cover of the sappiest romance novel. "It's so romantic! It's like if Belle from Beauty and the Beast went to the bar where Hon Solo fought the greedy alien and was then introduced to C-3PO." Raj smiled dreamily, "we could call them Beauty and the Robot."

"What the hell?" Howard asked incredulously.

"What?"

"Stop it." Howard rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. "You think I act weird, sometimes you scare me."

"Yeah but I'm cute, so people forgive me."

"Anyway" Howard allowed his voice to rise "if Penny likes Sheldon, what the hell is she doing dating Leonard?"

"Maybe they talked or something and realized they had something too…"

"No, I told Penny to wait until today to admit her feelings for Sheldon. Do you think she didn't let Leonard know how she feels about him?" Howard began to wonder when his life would be Sheldon-less since lately it seemed the already narcissistic scientist was the main topic of gossip and conversation.

Raj shrugged, "Remember Big Boy? Leonard was scowling so much; it's obvious he knows." Raj scrubbed his face with his hands. "When did this become so confusing and dramatic? I miss Halo night and playing Ka'a with Leonard and Sheldon."

Howard agreed.

"Why did you tell Penny to wait until today to tell Leonard how she feels?"

Howard smiled. "If Penny still likes that overbearing Sheldon Cooper after paintball, Leonard doesn't stand a chance."

"Howard, you really need to be in touch with your feminine side. You should have said something about Sheldon being chivalrous and Penny being a damsel in distress or something. Oprah says a true man isn't afraid to show his feelings. Instead, you just want Penny to take Sheldon out of your hair."

"Um... _yeah_! Have you met Sheldon? A happy Sheldon makes a happy Howard, kapeesh? One more thing, you watch Oprah?" Howard gazed at Raj incredulously.

"Yes."

"Well I'll tell you what, you go be a real man and I'll worry about Sheldon and Penny."

"What are we going to do about Leonard?"

"We'll figure something out." Howard looked down at his wrist and noticed the time. "We need to go, we have fifteen minutes to get to the field and you know if we are even five minutes late, Sheldon will spend the same amount of time complaining about it."

Raj nodded and both men walked quickly out of the coffee shop and got into Raj's car, Howard's scooter was not the proper transportation to take at seven in the morning.

**0000000**

Penny arrived in her full paintball attire at exactly 7:01 am. Having decided to give paintball the same enthusiasm and dedication she gave to auditions, Penny painted two black lines under her eyes. This was her battlefield now, bring it bar mitzvah parties! No one messes with Penny!

"Leonard it is exactly 7:01, where is Penny? You told me you reminded her last night what time to arrive. Obviously, you failed." All of the boys were heading towards the field when Penny arrived in step with Raj. Raj quickly took notice and squeaked.

"Sh." Penny whispered creeping closer to Sheldon.

"_Sheldon_ she is only a minute late, it doesn't mean I failed." Leonard was openly scowling, which seemed to be his usual facial expression.

"Gentlemen please, the lady seems to have arrived right on time!" Howard pulled the goggles used to protect his eyes from paint pellets up to his forehead. "You are looking extremely becoming, like a warrior goddess." Howard walked up to Penny and bowed.

"I thought I told you to stop" Penny said at the same time Sheldon rejoined "she told you to stop."

Howard and Raj locked eyes and grinned.

"Good morning boys!" Penny smiled and hugged Leonard before walking up to Sheldon and patting him lightly on the cheek.

"Okay sweetie, what's your strategy and what's my role?"

"Penny, how well can you shoot a gun?"

"I can shoot a can off a moving truck from forty-two feet away. I can shoot from further distances if my target isn't moving."

"Why on Earth would you shoot a can off a moving truck? What kind of family did you come from?" Sheldon moved in a little closer to Penny. Surprisingly when he asked Penny about her family it wasn't said in an insufferable sardonic tone, but rather curiosity.

"Oh you know" Penny blushed "just…_family_."

"Well in any case, we can assume your target will be moving." Howard murmured slowly dragging a map out of his back pocket and handing it to Sheldon. Thank you, _Lieutenant commander_."

"Lieutenant Commander?" Penny peered over Howard's shoulder to look at the exquisitely detailed map. "What the hell is that?"

"That my dear is all of Sheldon Cooper's strategies." Howard took a step back from Sheldon and moved to his usual spot behind Raj (commander). When "_Admiral_ Sheldon Lee Cooper" strategized before paintball he liked them to stand according to rank. Captain Leonard stood beside Sheldon waiting for the meeting to commence.

"Howard, Penny asked you a simple question which you clearly ignored. Sometimes I do wonder if everyone would have been better if they had Meemaws." Sheldon drastically sighed while Penny smiled. "Penny, we are named according to rank from Starfleet Enterprise."

_Of course they were_! Penny rolled her eyes.

"Sure, sure."

"Well gentlemen and ladies, well, _Penny_, why don't we start with a recap of last week's fiasco." Penny tried not to snort aloud as several groans were heard from the group. Sheldon paced in front of his men (and Penny) putting his hands behind his back.

"There wasn't a fiasco Sheldon!" Howard said indignantly from the back squirming and looking around, focusing on every area around Sheldon without locking gazes with the man himself. "We were just brutally massacred by a bunch of twelve year olds."

"When does this start anyway?" Penny began to rock back and forth ready to get started.

"Nine." Leonard moved closer to the map, "okay, so Admiral what would you suggest we do so we aren't callously attacked again?"

"Hold on Captain, I want to discuss how Howard shot me in the back!"

This time Penny couldn't help it, she laughed.

"Sheldon…" Howard paused at Sheldon's glare "erm…Admiral. You were leading us into a dead end! I had to do something and it was enough wasn't it? I was able to take four more of them out!" Howard grinned apologetically.

"You still lost didn't you?"

"Yes, but we took out twelve of the twenty snot-nosed kids!"

"Do you see that strategy on the map Howard? These are well thought out, proven, strategies and where on there..." Sheldon shook the map and placed it directly into Howards face "does it say to kill your admiral as a ways of distraction!"

"Fine, I'll buy you a Jamba Juice later."

"Sheldon, can we go over the strategies? I want to win! I want to show them how we kick ass in Nebraska!" Penny moved around enthusiastically causing Sheldon to go back to the front of the group and restart the seminar. Penny winked at Howard who smiled ruefully, _maybe distractions are good!_

"You should know Penny this time we are not only fighting children, we are fighting the Astronomy department, the Chemistry department, and the Engineering department."

"Noted, but why isn't Howard with the Engineers?"

"Would you go against Sheldon?" Sheldon once again glared, "Admiral."

Penny pursed her lips in amusement.

"Gentlemen, once again we have become distracted. We have exactly" Sheldon glanced at his watch "twenty-one minutes before we need to take our position."

Penny and the other members of Sheldon Cooper's Starfleet Academy circled around to learn the strategies used and designed by Sheldon Lee Cooper. There was "blanket bombing," where they would attack the enemy from above at once thus sabotaging any plans the opposing team might have created. Next there was the "pincer movement" where they split up into equal pairs and attacked the enemy by both sides. Last but not least, was the "run like hell and hope they don't know where you are going" strategy.

This one was to be used if the enemy found their hiding places.

"Team, are there any questions?" Sheldon stood up and handed Howard the map. Howard refolded it and placed it back in his paintball uniform pocket. No one interrupted him so Sheldon continued, "Lieutenant Commander" Howard nodded and cocked his gun, "commander" Raj nodded and placed his goggles over his eyes, and "captain" Leonard nodded, zipped his uniform up all the way, and took Penny's hand.

"Penny?"

"Aw, come on Sheldon I want a title!" Penny gave him a "warrior woman's" glare before giving him a hundred-watt smile.

"What would you like to be Penny?" Sheldon quirked an eyebrow towards Penny "we already have our ranks, but is there something in particular you wish to be called?"

"Raj just had a wonderful idea" everyone turned to look at Raj, who was looking at Howard with a confused expression. He leaned in to whisper into Howard's ear. "Learn how to talk to girls and we can discuss my lie later" Howard muttered back not wanting to be overheard.

"What if we made Penny captain? I mean she already told us she can shoot a can off a truck or something and clearly she is in shape." Howard leered up and down Penny's body. Penny glared.

"Cool!"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute, I'm _captain_!" Leonard let go of Penny's hand "why do I have to be replaced?"

"Oh I'm sorry little buddy, does that make you feel effeminate?" Howard smirked, "jealous of your woman being on top of you?"

"Shut up Howard."

Sheldon walked to stand in between them, "Howard we have a captain."

"Yes we do, but maybe Penny should be front and center."

"No its fine really" Penny said from beside Leonard "make me something else Sheldon."

Sheldon looked over Penny's head thinking of the ranks and where Penny would come in. He smiled slightly remembering Penny's question about the importance of playing a character on one of his favorite shows. She had wanted to be the Doctor's "sexy sidekick."

"Penny, would you like to be my…" he coughed. "How about you become my….sexy sidekick?"

Penny blushed and bit her lip. She didn't respond just looked down at the ground. Leonard had been arguing with Howard about rank placement in the starship and had not heard the exchange between them.

Raj had though,_ beauty and the robot!_

"Right, let's begin!" Sheldon turned around and began walking to their usual spot in the field. It was a small shed that allowed his group to see what the other teams were doing, but weren't seen by the enemy themselves. He led the group quickly wanting to make sure everyone had enough time to get prepared and materials to last.

This was war.

"Captain, I need you to go outside and see if the rest of the Physics team is on their way." Sheldon continued passing out the ammo.

"Isn't that your job?" Howard and Raj exchanged glances. Leonard usually never fought back; it was just easier to listen to Sheldon. I'm sorry, the _admiral_.

"Excuse me? Leonard I asked you to do one thing!"

"Yeah and as captain, I'm asking you why you don't go out there. You are the leader." Leonard smirked.

"Why are you behaving like a child?"

"I'm not, you are."

"Oh yeah" Howard whispered from beside the open window, "way to prove you aren't a child!"

"Leonard, are you bringing your emotions into this? You need to get over it." Sheldon stood up from his slouch beside the open door, "this is war, not a daytime soap opera with heaving bosoms!" Leonard squared off with Sheldon in the center of the shack.

"All I'm saying is there are other people here who have lower ranks than I do, but it was me you chose to run your errands!"

"Oh my lord, I asked you to see if our team made it! I didn't ask you for blood or semen" Sheldon glared. "What is your problem?"

"I think you are once again planning on my _doom_."

"I told you before I don't have to plan your _doom_, your doom will happen without me."

Penny stood up, "if it's that big of deal Leonard I'll go do it!" Penny stomped off out of the shack and walked the parameters looking for, anyone. She didn't know who these people were, and she didn't care. If they were part of this odd team then they would know where to meet.

Back inside the shack, tension reached a higher level.

"Want to cue us in on what the hell is happening?" Raj put his gun down and placed his hands on his hips.

Sheldon (surprising everyone in the room) explained what Leonard had said to Penny, how Leonard and Penny were dating, and how Leonard thought Sheldon had a plan to get with Penny. Howard leaned against the wall, holding his gun loosely and allowing it to rest near his feet.

"Well that explains a lot." Raj crossed his arms and glared at Leonard.

"I don't care what you think Raj, I like Penny. She makes me happy." Raj turned around to look at Howard. Howard bobbed his head and gripped his gun a little tighter. Raj went back to his former position holding his gun closer to his body.

Sheldon quirked his brow at the two of them, but didn't say a thing.

Raj and Howard exchanged a look. Raj mouthed "one, two…" while Howard placed his gun on his right shoulder making aim.

They shot at the same time.

"You shot me!" Leonard screamed, "I can't believe you shot me."

"There will be other games Leonard" Raj murmured "but, we are doing this for the good of the team."

"Yeah" Howard smirked at the irony "you were a distraction and not the good kind."

Leonard threw his gun on the floor and stomped out of the shack. He slid his uniform off while walking towards the car. _Traitors_! All of them were on Sheldon's side. Sheldon, Sheldon, Sheldon! Always Sheldon! He unlocked the car and took a seat. _Might as well take a nap and wait for Denny's._

"Thank you." Sheldon looked astonished at what had taken place right in front of him. They had sabotaged the battle to defeat his honor. It was unexpected and so, well, honorable! He would have expected this type of loyalty from Leonard back in the day, but not Howard and Raj.

"Well, you said you didn't have a plan…" Raj chuckled.

Penny walked in around this time followed by Leslie Winkle, Barry Kripke (who kept asking if she wanted to join him at a westaurant), and George Dyer a teacher's assistant.

"Congratulations Penny, you are now Captain!" Sheldon laughed at the look of confusion on Penny's face, as did Raj and Howard from other areas in the room.

"What happened while I was gone?"

"Oh you know just a little friendly fire, and some pincer movement practicing." Howard beamed.

Penny agreed to be their captain for this battle while walking up to Sheldon.

"Penny are you ready?"

"Yupp!"

"Do you have any questions?"

"Nope!"

"Then what are you doing over here?"

"I was just wondering if I can still be your sexy sidekick." Sheldon watched Penny wink and slowly turn away from him heading towards the door frame and standing guard. Sheldon stood there, baffled, and day dreaming for a few minutes.

"Sweetie, time to move, the children are here."

_Admiral _not _sweetie!_

**000000000**

The battle was brutal. Their team was dwindling with supplies. Screams echoed in the shack as paintballs ricocheted off the ceiling dousing anyone who was directly underneath it with neon paint. This was a nightmare.

"Admiral, we're die-wing out here!" Sheldon heard Barry Kripke shout from the shrubs outside of the shed. Barry, George, and Leslie had decided to stand guard outside rather than listen to Sheldon give orders. Now, the three of them were being attacked by the Chemistry department and a party of teenagers.

"Retreat…retreat!" Howard screeched from the open window. Sheldon looked and grimaced. Two groups were approaching the safety shack from the eastern borders. Apparently some people didn't read the guidebooks, because they were obviously working together.

"Any plans Sheldon?" Sheldon watched as Penny dropped down to her stomach; another paintball had been aimed directly at her, and wiggled her way towards him. She was definitely a good shot and seemed to be rather enjoying giving orders and battle cries.

When the first shot had wheezed past her ear Penny had looked at Sheldon before whispering "I love the smell of paintballs in the morning." He couldn't get over her determination.

Sheldon called out "head for the western parameter!" The team ran in the opposite direction of the upcoming onslaught and made it into the sparse forest surrounding the shack. Penny, who had no idea what a western parameter was, just followed closely behind the admiral.

"Everyone head for the fallen tree and take shelter!"

There in the middle of the forest was a fallen tree covered in moss. It was huge. Everyone crawled over it and sat down breathing heavily. Penny sneaked up and peered over the log to see their enemy's current location. They weren't in her peripheral vision yet, which was a good start.

"You have played well team, I couldn't be prouder of you."

"Thank you Admiral Dumbass." Leslie responded smiling slightly to show she was admiring Sheldon rather than patronizing him. "Good call leaving the shack for this area. The chemistry department never sets foot here and the astrology department is currently on top of that hill staring at the planets." Everyone turned to see where she was pointing.

Penny snorted at the group of uniformed men and women looking up at the sky, all of them covered in paint residue.

_Idiots_, Sheldon thought.

"All we have to worry about is the Engineering department." Leslie finished.

Penny wiggled her way down the tree and sat next to Sheldon who was once again staring at the astrology department and shaking his head. She pushed the goggles off of her face and rubbed around her eyes.

"Oh no, the polish is coming off!"

Sheldon looked at her finally noticing the dark black lines were now lighter and slightly running down her face from sweating. "You used shoe polish to make those?"

"How else are you supposed to do it sweetie?" Penny pulled her sleeve over her hand and rubbed delicately under her eyes. She was smearing it around her face.

"Think about the germs you put on your face." He sighed and reached for Penny pulling her face towards him. He used his own sleeve to take the shoe polish off. "The polish has touched your dirty shoes and then you put it on your face." He frowned slightly as he let her go.

"Thank you She…I mean _admiral_." Sheldon smiled.

"You're welcome captain."

"Um, admiral?" Howard asked from the other end of the tree trunk examining the view slightly above it. Sheldon peered over the log to see what Howard was looking at. There they were again, his enemy, slowly making their way towards him with their guns cocked and ready to fire.

Penny inhaled slightly when she heard the sound of footsteps coming from the area in front of her. While everyone else had looked to see what Howard was worried about, Penny had stayed still waiting. The enemies coming from behind her were not the only thing to fear, they were directly in front of her too.

"Sheldon…" Penny whispered.

"Admiral Penny, _admiral_!"

"It won't matter if you don't turn around."

"What are you talking about they are directly in front…" Sheldon turned around. Twenty feet away stood the Engineering department with their guns raised as well. "Well, I believe we are up a certain creek without a paddle." Sheldon sighed.

"Are we going to hold up a white flag and surrender?" George, the teacher's assistant, asked from beside Leslie.

"What are they waiting for?" Howard whispered flipping around to look at both sides.

"Well, they can either shoot us or they can shoot each other." Penny responded.

Raj nodded in agreement beside Penny.

"Well, I say we either go home as cowards or die as heroes. Who's with me?" Sheldon cocked his gun causing the rest of the team to do the same and nod in agreement. This was it. This was what all those strategy meetings and discussions were about!

"This is it team! Some of you won't make it out alive, but it's a risk we must all face…" Howard snorted. Sheldon rose to his knees "let's go!"

They all rose at once. No one else moved or took a shot. Their surrounding enemies remained where they were. _How odd?_

"Touching speech Dr. Cooper, you really have a flare for the dramatic." Penny scowled at the man who stood up in front of the Engineering department. He was older than anyone on her team with graying hair on his temples. He had a cocky grin which was irritating, unlike Sheldon who did it adorably.

At least in her opinion it was adorable.

"Admiral…" She whispered "can I shoot him?"

Sheldon full out grinned. "Do you have a point Dr. Gabble-Houser? This seems like a bad action sequence from one of those summer blockbusters you seem to love."

"Yes, well, it was easy enough to get people to want to take you down."

"Ah, no wonder they aren't shooting us!" Howard fidgeted around, "they are all working together!"

"Knew it." Leslie whispered.

"Want to suwender Sheldon?"

"No Kripke I will never surrender. Especially knowing they all teamed up against us…"

"They teamed up against _you_." George whispered.

"Shut up George." George glared at Penny. "What's your plan Sheldon?"

Sheldon turned around to look at her bemusedly. There she was supporting him, fighting for him, and honoring him. If this were a real battle and he were a real admiral, Penny would definitely be the person he chose to be his captain. She was amazing. "I've said it many times Penny, I don't have a plan."

Sheldon bent down and kissed Penny on the cheek.

Penny rose up towards Sheldon and kissed him lightly on the mouth grazing her lips delicately across his. Sheldon stopped breathing waiting for what would happen next. Nothing did.

Penny blushed and took a step away, "Oh what am I doing…I'm so sorry Sheldon."

"It's fine." He reassured her. _It was better than fine, it was fantastic!_

Raj and Howard watched them knowingly while the rest of the team stood there with their mouths agape. No one protested Penny's actions; they just couldn't believe Sheldon had allowed someone to kiss him. _Think of the germs!_

"Just let us know when you are ready Dr. Cooper, we'd like to shoot you before it becomes dark out here" Dr. Gabble-Houser screamed from behind Sheldon. Penny glanced over his shoulder, cocked her gun, and shot, the paintball pellet coloring Dr .Gabble-Houser's forehead in neon pink and cascading down his face.

Sheldon couldn't turn around fast enough to see what she did before paintballs starting flying in every direction. All of them were out pretty much a second later. Howard had been able to shoot one person from the Chemistry department as had Raj.

No one cared; this had been the most exciting game in paintball history!

**000000000000**

"Wow" Leonard said enthusiastically from the booth at Denny's "what happened after Dr. Gabble-Houser admitted they were all on the same team trying to kill Sheldon?"

Howard laughed, "Penny shot him in the forehead."

Leonard looked over at Penny and smiled, they were sitting close together on the same side of the booth enjoying their celebratory lunch at Denny's. "You shot Dr. Gabble-Houser in the forehead? I'm so proud!"

"Why, thank you!" Penny smiled and leaned in closer resting her head on Leonard's shoulder.

Penny couldn't stop looking at Sheldon who was demurely looking at the restaurant's dessert menu. She had so many questions for him. Was he okay with the kiss? Was he angry? Did she ruin their friendship? Why wasn't he saying anything? Did he enjoy it? And if he did enjoy it, why didn't he act differently?

The man was frustrating! _Why do you care so much when you have Leonard?_

Sometimes she hated her conscience.

She also hated how she couldn't stop thinking about paintball. She had perspired enough to fill the Nile River, but it had been completely worth it. Everyone joining together and working as a team, Leslie and Sheldon getting along without the constant bickering, even Howard and Sheldon were starting to act like best friends instead of annoyances. The only thing she felt bad about was the fact that she had played for four hours, and Leonard had never crossed her mind.

Someday she would have to ask Howard why they shot him in the back.

"Wonder what will happen on Monday when we see David (Dr. Gabble-Houser) at work." Leonard rested his head on top of Penny's enjoying the contact.

"I doubt he will bring it up" Howard sipped from his coffee cup enjoying the more subdued taste then the bitter crap he had digested this morning, "you know since he got beat by a girl." He smirked.

"Nice shot by the way Penny."

"Thank you Howard."

"I still can't believe you did it and from that angle!" Penny scowled.

"Why where was she standing?" Leonard looked from Penny and Howard.

"Directly in front of Sheldon, it was a tough shot." Raj elbowed Howard in the ribs causing him to wince.

Leonard lifted his head and looked down at Penny arching his eyebrow "what happened between you and Sheldon?"

"Oh you know, same thing as always" Sheldon responded putting the menu away and shifting slightly straighter in the booth seat.

"Uh huh" Howard leered "same thing as always."

**000000000000**

"_Penny we aren't going to make it!" Guns were firing all around them. Men were lying on the ground bleeding from disgusting wounds waiting for death to claim them or let them be. Planes flew above them bombing the enemies. The smell of fire and brimstone surrounded them. This was war, and war was hell!_

_Sheldon stood there with his M-16 strapped around his right arm and Penny strapped to his left. His uniform unzipped from the collar to the middle of his chest showing his undershirt and muscles. _

_Penny wrapped her arms around him knowing this was the end. _

"_Listen to me Penny, we can either die like heroes or die like cowards and I don't know about you, but I want to die like a man" Sheldon put his hand up to Penny's chin and brushed his thumb across her lips. _

_She gasped. _

"_Sheldon I'm so frightened." _

_He held her chin lightly and dragged her mouth up to his, "You aren't allowed to be, you are the captain." He pulled her lips up to his so that every word between them was exchanged while inhaling and exhaling. Penny closed her eyes. _

_She could feel Sheldon's words before she heard them, "the men need you!" With that he kissed her. Claiming her mouth in every way, making her feel like the woman she always wanted to be. His arm slid down her body pulling her tightly into his embrace and bunching the fabric of her uniform above her ass. _

_This was hot. _

"_Meet me on the docks at exactly 15: 00 (8 pm) tonight. If either one of us is alive lets meet at our place." _

_Penny nodded in agreement and lowered her head to Sheldon's chest. _

"_When I say 15:00 I mean 15:00 and not a minute later." _

"_I know Admiral; I'll be there 15:00." They kissed one last time before Sheldon departed leaving Penny standing there next to the wreckage and bodies. _

_-The dream changed-_

"_Penny?" Sheldon said through a clinched jaw bending slightly over her front and kissing the length up her thigh._

"_Yes, Dr. Cooper?" Penny gasped making the words come out a little breathless. _

"_Hold still, please." He whispered against her. Smiling as Penny squirmed. _

_Sheldon lowered his head back between Penny's legs kissing her outer thigh delicately before moving to the other side. He lifted noticing how Penny gripped the blankets in between her hands. She had her back arched, her head back, she was exquisite. Beautiful. _

_Goose bumps rose on Penny's skin as Sheldon took his hands and lowered her pink boy shorts down her legs and off the bed. Penny raised her hips in a blatant offer "hurry Sheldon, please." _

"_Penny, do you know the definition of foreplay?" _

"_Sheldon….." Penny gasped. _

_Sheldon slid inside of her. She knew she had asked for it, but she hadn't expected him to listen to her. She knew this was a mistake if she wanted to remain friends. There was no way Penny would ever be able to look at him again without remembering this feeling of him pushing inside of her. Penny watched as Sheldon raised her knees higher on his hips and wrapped her legs around his body. It caused even more friction to course through her._

_Penny knew she must have looked frightening at that moment. Her pupils dilated, her skin flushed and sweaty and her head thrashing somewhat on the pillow. Sheldon on the other hand looked focused and determined, skilled and in control._

_Except his eyes, Sheldon's eyes looked up and down her body appreciatively like he couldn't focus on anything particular. Everywhere he looked felt like a touch. _

_Penny felt her eyes closing and tried to keep them open as long as possible. She smirked as Sheldon's nostrils flared. He must have noticed her smirk because he picked up speed and she gave up all hope of keeping her eyes open. _

_Penny let go of the sheet and wrapped her arms around Sheldon. She tried not to claw at him, but the speed wasn't letting up. For a man who loved to have order and routine, he sure loved to mess around in bed. If she wanted it fast and hard, he moved as fast as a snail causing her to go insane. If she felt like a romantic moment, he totally turned the tables causing her to become desperate. It was amazing. _

"_Yes!" she yelled tremors continuing up and down her body. Her muscles twitched and relaxed after the release. _

_Sheldon paused and then met his own orgasm gritting his teeth and dropping his head to Penny's shoulder breathing heavily. _

_Penny lifted her head and kissed him on the temple, then his cheek, before sliding her hands around his head. Sheldon's grip on her body didn't loosen up as he slowly lowered his body weight onto her. She adored it._

_00000_

_Holy crap on a cracker!_ Penny woke up panting. _What the hell was that? _She rubbed her eyes realizing after Denny's she must have fallen asleep because she was still wearing the paintball uniform.

Sighing, Penny got up and walked towards the bathroom taking off the uniform on the way. She opened her polka dot themed shower curtain remembering the first day she met Sheldon (it seemed so much longer than a week ago). The boys had Star Wars themed bottles of conditioner, shampoo, and shower gel, while Penny had honey and vanilla**.**

That was also the day Sheldon had given Penny the lightning bolt towel. The one she currently had folded up on the towel rack. It had been used every day this week.

She turned on the water making sure to put the cold tab on more than the hot. She stepped inside pulling her hair from her ponytail and relaxing. Some parts of her dream were a little vague, but she could remember the feeling of desperation when Sheldon left her.

Left her apparently in World War II where she had been lounging her entire body on him while he dictated and ordered her around. _I am not that type of woman!_ She didn't understand where these thoughts had come from. All they did was kiss (which she still couldn't believe had happened), but she wasn't thinking of Sheldon in a sexual way, _yet_.

Penny had never cheated on a boyfriend before, except in kindergarten where she had promised Johnny she would marry him, but by lunch she was interested in Chris. After that, she never cheated on a boyfriend.

She just terminated the relationship when she was done with it.

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny?_

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny?_

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny?_

Penny jumped in the shower, gripped her chest, and rushed out. Luckily she had washed her hair before Sheldon knocked. She wrapped herself in the towel and answered the front door.

Standing on the other side of the door was Sheldon with his hands in his pockets and a sad expression on his face. "What's the matter sweetie?" Penny gripped the door with one hand leaning on it casually. Although not that casual since the only attire she had on was a red towel.

"Penny, can I come in?"

"Sure." Penny opened the door wider allowing Sheldon to come in. She smiled as he sat down on the furthest sofa cushion from the door.

"Did I help you cheat?" Sheldon looked up at Penny with the most forlorn expression breaking her heart. "I want you to know that I'm here for you Penny, really."

"I know that sweetie!" Penny sat down next to Sheldon, re-tucking her towel around her body, before taking his hand and putting it between hers.

"Sheldon I've done some stupid things, but I swear you did not help me cheat."

"How? I looked it up online and all the signs are there. We flirt, we talk, we kissed...we cheated." Sheldon sighed, "I feel like Lancelot and Guinevere, except Leonard can never be considered a replacement for King Arthur.

Penny smiled. "You did nothing wrong Sheldon, so there is nothing to feel guilty about. I'm the one who kissed you, okay."

"Okay…but Penny I can't stop thinking about you." He removed his hand from between hers and rubbed them gently on his cargo pants. Today he was wearing his bright blue superman t-shirt, but he felt like a fraud. Superman would never have kissed the girlfriend of his ex-best friend. Even if said best friend deserved it. "I would also like to do it again."

Penny blushed thinking about her dream, "that's normal sweetie, was I your first kiss?"

Sheldon nodded.

"Well, that's perfectly normal! You never forget your first…" Penny rubbed his back lightly in a circular motion.

"Yeah…well. I came over to see if you were mad at me, you clearly aren't."

"Thank you sweetie, I'm not mad."

Sheldon got up tugging on his pants lightly and heading for the door. He smiled when he noticed the towel; it made him so happy to see she liked the Flash. Everyone should love the fastest man alive as much as he did. Maybe he should invite Penny to comic book night and teach her more about the character!

Penny stood up and hugged him squeezing a little before letting him out. "Sheldon if I wanted to talk about my relationship with Leonard would you feel uncomfortable?" She leaned against the door again.

"Penny" Sheldon leaned in closer so he could whisper and not be overheard by prying neighbors. He also remembered his vow to himself and Leonard where he would be there for Penny without talking about Leonard…a hard promise if there ever was one. Kind of the oxymoron of promises, "Penny if _you_ wish to talk about anything I will listen. I will listen to your woes and your fears, your dreams and your ideas" he paused "but I will not listen to anything about Leonard or your relationship."

Penny nodded "because he is such a great guy and your best friend?"

Sheldon snort, "no, because I know everything there is to know about Leonard. I want to hear about you."

Penny smiled and agreed. She rose up on her toes once again and kissed him lightly on the cheek. If Leonard ever heard of all these kisses she would take all the blame. No one had ever wanted to talk to Penny before without getting in her pants.

Sheldon reddened. "I'll hold you to that sweetie." Penny took a step back and quietly shut the door. She would gladly go to hell in a hand basket if it meant spending more time with that quirky little man.

**0000000**

"Paintball tonight was awesome! I'm so impressed with Penny!" Raj and Howard were currently using Skype to talk while playing World of War craft. Sometimes they talked as their characters, but it seemed odd to discuss such personal information as Gilda the Golden (Raj) and Howard the Wallowizard (Howard).

Howards face paused for a second, "I know! I'm still really impressed with her shot. It was like Angelina Jolie in Wanted." Howard's eyes got bigger as he thought of another sexual pun "and I _want_ed her really bad."

Raj groaned and rolled his eyes. Howard needed a woman badly, and so did he. No matter what Leonard's mom said about the topic, he knew they weren't gay. Their relationship was just different.

"Stop it."

"I can't believe Sheldon told us about Leonard. It seems so _human_."

"Yeah, he must have been really pissed. Leonard is acting like an idiot."

Howard grinned, "Not as bad as he was with Joyce Kim! Do you remember how the government had a fear of him spilling all his secrets to the North Korean spy?"

Raj started laughing aloud "and he told them no, but later had to hide all the rocket fuel before the FBI found out?"

"He was such an idiot!" Raj agreed, "at least I never gave away government secrets to any of my dating prospects."

Raj looked away, "oh please Howard, you have behaved much worse than government secrets."

Howard glared. "_Anyway, _we need to find Leonard a woman."

Raj smirked "Yeah, because he and Penny won't be together much longer."

"Do you think we should invite Penny to game night next week?" Howard asked. He looked away from the computer for a few seconds while defeating a goblin on his quest "huzzah!"

"Yeah, she would be good." Raj nodded while defeating another warrior a higher level than he was causing him to gain money and points "read it and weep it!"

Howard stopped what he was doing, "that's not the expression and you're saying it wrong! It's "read it and weep" and people generally say it while playing cards. Something other people can see and read!"

"Oh, doesn't matter I still kicked booty!"

They continued on their quest for about five minutes until Sheldon's character "Sheldor the Conqueror" joined helping them win against another mystical being. Sheldor was an exact replica of Sheldon except with longer hair. Both were tall and thin, unlike Raj who chose to be a woman or Howard whose avatar was a Viking.

"Sheldor" Howard's avatar said to Sheldon bowing slightly.

"Wallowizard" Sheldon's avatar mirrored the action.

"Gentlemen" Raj's character curtsied causing the other two to fidget uncomfortably.

"Well, Sheldon how goes it?" Howard looked at Raj through the blue screen on Skype.

"Fine, Leonard is at Penny's." Sheldon's avatar pouted before cutting the head off a random animal.

"Dude, it's going to be fine. " Howard nodded agreeing with Raj while glaring at Raj through the Skype screen. Raj just kept nodding and shrugging. Apparently Howard's avatar knew what to do because he punched Sheldon in the face.

"Oops" Howard whispered.

"Damn Howard, way to show support!" Raj whispered through the Skype screen.

"I'm sorry!"

Sheldor the Conqueror stood up before punching Raj back. "Maybe he needs this Howard, let him win." Both of them watched in awe as Sheldor kicked, punched, and bruised Howard's character. Howard fought back of course, but Sheldon continued to win.

Suddenly Sheldon stopped. He murmured his apology and left. His avatar took a stroll to the tavern and Sheldon signed offline.

"What the hell was that about?" Howard said to Raj through the screen.

"Jealousy?"

"I've never seen him that bad! Not even when they invited him to be a guest speaker for a fellow nominee of the Nobel Prize and Sheldon had to say how happy he was for the other guy!"

"Well, Sheldon has it bad." Raj yawned and rubbed his eyes. He signed off from the game, but stayed online to talk to Howard.

"Okay, it's time to go to bed and leave all this drama behind us. Before you do why don't we give Leonard a call." Howard leered at the screen, "you know, wish him a good night."

Raj frowned, "what if they are doing the nasty nasty and I interrupt."

"That's the point!" Raj grinned suddenly.

"Okay hold on and I'll let you know what happens." Howard watched Raj disappear from the computer screen. He could hear murmurs of conversation. He placed his hands between his legs rubbing gently between his bright yellow skinny jeans. He rocked back in forth. It felt like Hanukah! Eight days and nights of a tormented Leonard sounded like the perfect gift!

Raj suddenly popped back up, "he said he was pissed at me for interrupting."

Howard frowned. "Interrupting what?"

Raj grinned. "Interrupted Penny kicking him out her apartment, apparently he asked Penny when they could have sex and she hit him."

"Wow… I wonder what Sheldon's going to do?"

"Guess we'll find out tomorrow!" Howard smiled before turning off his computer.

_Time to find all the single's bars in Pasadena! Looks like the three musketeers will be at it again!_

**000000000**

**So this was originally 24 pages, now its 16. It had the dinner date with Leo and Penny (I know there are tears streaming down your face with that one being cut out) and the comic book convention. I felt like the chapter went on and on so I cut them out. **

**Remember me saying Penny and Leonard will be together half a chapter more? That's still on. SORRY, but Penny always takes the douchebags back. It's going to take Sheldon making one heroic change and then Penny and Sheldon can begin their romance and Amy and Bernadette can come in and give it more twists and turns. **

**Hope you enjoy the sex dreams. The WWII one was a hoot and a half to write! So ridiculous, but who hasn't had unbelievable dreams about their crush or significant other? **

**Anyway, I hope this answered some questions.**

**Hope you enjoyed Raj and Howard! **

**Paintball was awesome right? That was a lot of fun to write! So much fun! Even better than playing it! That is when I truly love writing for this show! I can give them more paintball time! **

**** The comic convention will be in the next chapter, but I'm not adding the dinner back in. ****

**: )**


	6. Chapter 5: Comics, cartoons, and Cooper

**Chapter 5: Comics, Cartoons, and Cooper…Oh my! **

Howdy! The chapters keep on rolling in. So much on my mind! Actually had a dream of how I want to end this fanfiction (don't know when) but at least I have an idea now!

To answer some of the comments below, Leonard will be gone at the halfway point. : ) He will still be in the story…just a lot less for a while (hold back the tears!). Someone said this Penny doesn't seem like the type who would take Leonard, gooooood! I don't want her to be a Penny who actually belongs with Leonard. I take that as a compliment (and I appreciate the comment really. I understood the point : )).

I always appreciate conversations about Shenny, reviews, and facts! Like in my last chapter, my military time SUCKED. It won't let me change it though it sends me error messages, but I am working on fixing it! Thank you for that! I don't want to write anything factual inaccurately.

So much love! Enjoy.

**000000**

Three months later…

Penny knew her relationship with Leonard was destined for failure when she spent her Saturday nights doing laundry with Sheldon and avoiding him. How pathetic was it to spend Saturday evenings separating the colors from the whites and enjoying it? In fact, laundry night was her favorite night.

Pitiful.

On laundry nights, Sheldon would knock on her door at precisely 8:00 pm and carry her basket of clothes down the three flights of stairs while conversing about anything and everything. Everything but her relationship with Leonard, _maybe this is why it is my favorite night!_

Sheldon would then head back up the stairs for his own clothes and return a few minutes later. All of the machines would be empty, _it was Saturday_, and they would usually spend a few hours alone just talking without interruptions.

"Penny! How could you possibly hate William Shatner? The man is a genius." Sheldon glared and folded his arms over his chest leaning against one of the dryers. They had this argument almost every Saturday.

"He speaks funny."

Sheldon twitched. "He speaks funny? He does not speak in any form that is unacceptable. He isn't a parselmouth!"

Penny stared at him and arched her brow.

"Really Penny" he hunched down and did one of his full body sighs of exasperation. This meant one thing, a long speech was coming. He was about to start moving his hands to tell the tale.

"A parselmouth is someone who can speak to serpents in Harry Potter!" Sheldon smiled "Ohh!" his voice became an octave higher, "you have got to read the books! People in the Slytherin house, generations ago all the way back to Salazar Slytherin, were able to control snakes by mirroring the way they speak, lots of hissing and mumbo jumbo to the rest of the magical houses" he lifted his hands a little like a music conductor, "but the point is parseltoungue is a funny way of speaking. William Shatner doesn't speak in parseltongue ergo he does not speak funny."

Penny blinked and then spread her feet shoulder width apart. "What about Yoda? You know the little green dude?"

"What about the little green _dude_?"

"He speaks funny." Penny glared.

"Yes….yes he does" Sheldon looked at her quizzically, "Penny I don't know where you are going with this."

"If people who speak funny are parselmouths and Yoda is someone who speaks funny, that means Yoda is a parselmouth." Penny couldn't stop laughing as she watched Sheldon's expression. His jaw clinched, his eyes narrowed, his face flushed, and his body was ramrod stiff. It was so easy!

"I'm just kidding Sheldon."

"Hmpf…" Sheldon pouted.

"Come on Moonpie don't be angry!" Penny jumped up onto the folding table swinging her legs gently. She popped her bright pink flip flops off and crossed her legs.

"I regret you seeing those letters."

It had been on January 8th at approximately 3:00 pm, Sheldon had left the apartment with Leonard to go see Lord of the Rings, the Concert (where you watch the first movie with a million other people in a stadium and have a live orchestra and chorus sing the music) it started at 6:00 pm, but they were planning on meeting Raj and Howard a little early.

You wait longer for better seats!

At exactly 3:05 pm Sheldon realized he had forgotten his LOTR ring. A ring he and the boys had found in a mysterious box at a yard sale for sixty dollars. Sheldon had found the ring, the others had fought him for it, Leonard had stolen it, and Sheldon had taken it right back.

Sheldon _needed _the ring. What if one of the extra's or cast members were at this event and they could reenact his favorite scenes with him? What if one of the other people at the concert thought Sheldon wasn't as involved in the movies as Leonard, Howard, and Raj? His pride could be on the line! What if Andy Serkis came out and spoke directly to him about his precious? He needed the ring!

He called Penny, she answered on the fourth ring. It frustrated the hell out of him_. Phones should be answered on the third ring. Three! Three is a prime number._

"Hey Sheldon, how can I help you?"

"Penny I need you to go into my apartment." By this point, everyone had arrived at the stadium. They were currently nineteen deep behind the front of the line. This was acceptable to Sheldon, but it was cutting it close. Raj took out two folding chairs and a couple big blankets. Howard produced a state-of-the-art 12 inch television and found Saturn 5 with the satellites protruding from it. Leonard took out three bags of buttered popcorn from his duffel bag and one container of Fiddle-faddle mixed with two cups of Milkduds and half a cup of kettle corn for Sheldon. Sheldon sat down in a folding chair directly in front of the television, took his popcorn mix from Leonard and continued to talk to Penny.

He ignored the glares.

"Why do I need to go into your apartment Sheldon?"

"I need you to bring me my Lord of the Ring's ring." Raj, Howard, and Leonard looked at him baffled. "You really need to bring that to see this concert?" Raj asked.

"Sheldon, you called my girlfriend to bring you a movie prop?" Sheldon ignored them both.

"Cool! Maybe someone could sign it!" Ah, he knew Howard would be on his side.

"Why do you need the ring Sheldon?" Penny asked and Sheldon sighed, "wait…wait, don't tell me I don't really care. Just tell me where it is in your apartment."

Sheldon smiled. "It's in my room."

"Gonna need a little more than that Sheldon…" Sheldon could hear Penny shut one door and insert a key in the next. He then heard Penny put her keys in their bowl. He smiled. All keys should have a bowl.

"Just let me know when you are in my room."

"Holy crap on a cracker, I'm in Dr. Sheldon Cooper's bedroom." Sheldon rolled his eyes, no need to guess with Penny. She was in his room.

"Hey Sheldon want to get me into bed?" Penny snorted as Sheldon blushed, "bet no one has said that to you before! But, don't worry sweetie somebody will. It's like my Aunt Millie used to say, don't ruin what the lord gave you by waiting for the first gravy boat, wait for the right one and nothing will…."

"PENNY!" Sheldon interrupted her, "as much as I appreciate one of the tall tales of Omaha and your quirky Aunts cares about my love life, I must ask you to please focus!"

Sheldon winced and pulled the phone away from his ear as Penny roared on the other side.

"Okay…okay Sheldon" a giggle and shaky inhalation could be heard over the phone "now where do I go?"

"Okay you are going to see a small box located on the third shelf of my bookcase. Go to it."

"Hey Sheldon, you have an awful lot of comic books in here." Sheldon closed his eyes knowing exactly what she was seeing. He had four bookshelves in his room. Two of them went up to the ceiling and were full of science books and action figures ranging from Frodo to Doctor Xavier. Then there were two shorter and wider bookshelves which contained all his comic books stored up in black buckets and covered in plastic. The items in his collection worth money were in a safety deposit box, everything else was in Sheldon's room.

"Penny, look at the small box located on the third shelf of my bookcase!"

"Ooh, look at this one! Sheldon it has Superman saving Lois lane on the cover!" Sheldon heard a page turn "you know that was always my favorite scene in the movie. You know the one I am talking about? When Louis Lane is falling from the sky and Superman swoops down to save her. I think it's the first one."

Sheldon gripped the phone and could feel his body tremble in full voltage throughout the chair. Leonard noticed and raced for the phone taking it out of Sheldon's hand.

"Uh oh!" Raj rushed to wrap multiple blankets around the twitching man in the folding chair.

"Good lord what happened?" Howard helped Raj wrap Sheldon tighter. The last time he had been this badly shaken was when Leonard admitted to buying generic cereal instead of the real brand and butting it in old boxes. Or the time Leonard had told Sheldon during a fight that he preferred Saturn 5 over Deep Space Nine.

"Hey Penny this is Leonard, listen whatever you are doing…" Leonard paled at what Penny was telling him "please tell me you are reading them while wearing plastic gloves."

Raj and Howard shared a glance. This was worse than anything they could imagine_. Penny was germ-ing up Sheldon Cooper's comic books? _

"Oh, you are?" Leonard laughed a little shakily and then covered the mouthpiece with his hand. "Sheldon, she was wearing gloves the whole time. She said she remembered them from when you two made French toast!"

Leonard placed the phone back on Sheldon's ear.

"So Sheldon tell me why in this book Superman seems to have another woman than Lois Lane. Oh my God does he cheat? Best man alive, my ass." Sheldon remained quiet on the phone.

"I don't understand this love of comic books. The women have boobs the size of missiles. I ask you, where is the superhero with boobs the size of grenades? You know normal women." Penny waited and still Sheldon said nothing.

Penny looked around the room and smiled as she noticed all the action figures and movie memorabilia. Sheldon's room was exactly what she had been expecting, clean, simple, organized clutter and the complete opposite of her entire apartment.

She looked down at the box Sheldon had described and retrieved it. It was a small jewelry box, but instead of being full of velvet to cushion a jewel it was hallow. Behind the tiny little box was a bigger box. It had odd symbols on it and seemed to resemble a Rubik's cube. She opened it.

Inside were a bunch of post cards, recipes, letters, and tiny pieces of paper with affirmations. Penny put the phone closer to her ear waiting to hear some sort of noise from Sheldon and opened up one of the letters while putting the box on the bed next to where she sat.

"_Dear Moonpie,_

_How ya doing hun? Hope all is well with you! Everything here is same old same old. Missy is now the hostess at Fuddruckers and your momma was so happy she was finally going to move out of the house. I believe she praised Jesus about twenty times in the last two hours-bless her soul. Did you ever figure out where those subatomic whatchamacallits were at? _

_Oh, did I tell you Mr. Mariner your old chemistry teacher has become Mayor. Wonder if my sweet genius of a grandson had anything to do with that! Did you send him a recommendation? _

_I love you very much Shelly, _

_Meemaw" _

"Sheldon why does your grandmother call you Moonpie?"

"Nooooooooooo!" Sheldon screamed at the top of his lungs, "That was the wrong box!"

**00000**

_I regret you seeing those letters._

Penny smiled up at Sheldon from the folding table. She didn't regret seeing those letters; in fact since then whenever Sheldon and Leonard went off together, Penny would sneak in and read the latest news from Meemaw. She would love to meet the woman in real life and ask her questions about Sheldon's childhood, but until then she would get what she could from the letters.

_And God help her if Sheldon ever found out she had been in his room without permission. _

"Hey, I brought you the ring didn't I?" Penny winked at Sheldon who smiled shyly in response. Penny had arrived just in time with the ring before Sheldon had started moving up the line. He had thanked her the next day with banana bread and a pair of red slippers with yellow lightning bolts to match her towel and pajamas. At this rate all of her sleeping clothes would be full of glowing red and yellow.

The first load of clothes dinged. Sheldon maneuvered himself over to the island of washers and placed his wet clothes into his laundry basket before walking the two feet to the island of dryers. He lifted each piece inspecting it to make sure all the soap was properly out. Sometimes he could control his OCD, but when it came to laundry he never could.

Penny slid off from the folding table and hefted all of her clothes into her arms before loading them into a dryer, hit the high button, and scoot back to where she was before. Sheldon was now on his sock bundles and scowling before throwing them in the dryer. "I knew I shouldn't have gotten the generic detergent. Look at this Penny" he turned around quickly and stuck a pair of superman briefs in her face.

"Ugh…Sheldon get your underwear out of my face." She hit his hand moving it away.

"Don't think of it as underwear, think of it as residue! Look at this Penny!" Sheldon once again lifted the tainted garment to her face and this time she looked at it, she saw nothing but underwear.

"What am I looking for Sheldon?"

Sheldon sighed impatiently "honestly Penny, the white flakes do you see the white flakes?" He took all of his clothes out of the dryer and placed them back into a washer. This time a different machine just in case the soap to water ratio was off.

Penny sighed. This was going to be a while.

After Sheldon's first load was finally finished, the two of them placed their laundry on the folding table and folded in unison singing Lady Gaga. After the French toast incident, Penny made it a point to stick the most insane music on her iPod for Sheldon to listen to.

The first time they had switched iPods had been about a month ago. Both of them had white iPods and so the mix was innocent enough. Sheldon introduced her to movie soundtracks, classical, dub step, and lots of indie bands. She enjoyed it, especially all the music from Thirty Seconds to Mars.

Sheldon had not enjoyed her taste of music apparently. He had stormed over to her house knocking three by three times and demanded he have his "culture" back. Apparently he slept with his iPod during the night which was fine until Penny's playlist was in his head. He had woken up humming Ke$ha and didn't understand why.

Now it was a game between the two of them to introduce the other one to as much music as possible. They didn't talk about it to anyone else or discuss it in front of others; it was a secret the two of them shared. Lately, Sheldon had been adding Science Fiction books to his.

Once the first load of clothes was folded neatly and put away, Sheldon began to put the second load into the wash and repeat the whole process again. Penny followed wondering why she enjoyed this so much. It was insanely boring, but Sheldon made it bearable and humorous. The wacky scientist should have been predictable, but never was. Every time you thought you had figured him out a new level of quirky would pop up disarming you.

Sheldon sighed and leaned against the dryer once again. Penny folded her legs on top of the folding table. "Penny, would you like me to run upstairs and get a stack of Ka'a cards? I can teach you how to play!" Penny nodded and before she could say anything Sheldon was bolting up the stairs for something to do.

He returned momentarily and explained the game of Ka'a to her in exact detail, she was confused. He spent ten minutes talking about each card and she lost her focus after the second. She started playing Go Ka'a with him instead (a game of Go Fish using Ka'a cards) and won four hands out of five.

"Ha!" Penny screamed and jiggled her folded legs up and down in triumph "win again!"

"I'm too evolved for this game." Sheldon smirked. "If I was supposed to win, I would have."

"Uh huh, well I've evolved to kick your butt!" She glared at him for a few moments before giving him her biggest smile.

He snorted.

After twenty minutes of laughing and playing Ka'a Penny wiggled her body off the table, slipped her flip-flops back on and picked up her laundry basket of fresh folded clothes. Before she had met Sheldon she would never have folded her clothes, but after a long and explanatory speech from Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Penny had begun to see how easy folded clothes were to take care of instead of wadded ones.

Penny placed the laundry basket on the stairs in front of her and ran to Sheldon squeezing him gently, "thank you Sheldon for always being there."

She walked away and thumped her way up the stairs towards her apartment. She opened her door and smiled when she saw Leonard resting on the couch.

"Hey Leonard, how was whatever the hell you were doing?" Penny leaned down and quickly brushed her lips against his cheek.

She and Leonard had been going out for three months. Things were great, really. They talked a lot about everything, went to movies together, they even took a cooking class together. They were really good friends and he seemed to be enjoying himself. Anyone looking at this relationship would think they were perfect. He even brought her a snowflake when he came back from an expedition, it was beautiful.

Course in the three months they had been dating, they never had intercourse. That was normal right?

It wasn't like he hadn't asked for it enough. The first time had been a week after they were dating. Penny had just kissed Sheldon, so she wasn't in the mood for anything else to ruin that memory. She had told him to get out, the next day he brought her Indian food and a build-a-bear that looked like Hello Kitty.

She had forgiven him.

After a few more weeks he would hint at it and she would give him excuses after excuses. She had one ready almost every night "Sorry, I'm so tired from paintball!" or "Oh, it's that time of the month…" or "I had an audition and I am just mentally and physically exhausted." Her personal favorite had come after Sheldon described the Vulcan method of having sex once a decade. That had thrown Leonard for a loop. Nothing like hearing your girlfriend tell you she was becoming a Vulcan for the evening.

She should just dump him, but she wasn't ready to break his heart. He was just so sweet!

Leonard laughed, "I was out with Raj. We were looking at the stars and trying to find deep space matter!" He squinted.

"That's great Leonard!" She smiled and walked towards the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of white wine and sat next to Leonard on the couch. He was watching V for Vendetta; she snuggled next to him before taking a sip. Chilled wine was delicious after a long day.

"Penny, I hope you are happy with me."

Penny leaned in and tapped him on the knees. She smiled in his direction before taking another sip and watched as the man in the mask began to conduct a series of explosions to beautiful music. Somehow the main actor was hot with the black and white mask on his face instead of creepy.

"Good, I'm glad to hear you are happy Penny."

Penny sighed contently while watching the movie.

"Penny, I love you." She spat out her drink and coughed.

"You, what?"

"Penny, I love you." He repeated once more.

"You can't love me! We barely spend any time together…" Sure they took the cooking class and talked and all the other shit her conscious just mentioned, but she was spending her Saturdays in the laundry room just to escape him! She couldn't spend her whole life with Leonard; he deserved someone who could love him and not someone who would rather study white flakes on underwear than have sex with him.

"Oh Leonard, that isn't…I can't…No. Thank you, but no." All the words blended together and she wasn't sure which ones he heard and which ones he didn't. It didn't seem to matter though because the look on his face said he understood her meaning.

"So the last few months have been what, a nerd test?"

"What?"

"You know like "lets date Leonard he is the coolest of the nerds" I can cross "nerd" off my list of possible bedmates."

She blinked. God, he was an _ass!_

"Tell yourself whatever you need to Leonard, but get out. I hope you find someone out there who loves you. Someday, I hope to even be your friend again. I know when you find someone who loves you; you will stop spouting this bullshit." Penny walked around Leonard and opened her door.

"You know, in the beginning I feared it being Sheldon who would be the one to break us apart, but I see now that it is just _your _lack of commitment."

Penny smiled a little sadly, "good luck Leonard." She closed the door and sat back down on the couch_. Ooh the good part! Natalie Portman was about to get her head shaven! _

**0000000**

Sheldon walked into the apartment sat in his spot and threw the head piece of his costume at the table, it knocked over the remote. He signed and raked his hands through his hair. This was a disaster.

Every year he waited for comic book conventions and the costume parade and every year he attended and lost. This year was going to be different, this year Penny was going to be Wonder Woman with the brunette hair. He would definitely win against all the other groups since they didn't have beauties.

Sheldon looked as the door opened slightly and Howard and Raj quietly walked in. They too were taking off parts of their costumes and placing them on the floor. Raj unclipped the seahorse from his Aquaman uniform and took a seat next to Sheldon. Howard sat in the wooden chair across from Sheldon and scratched his head lightly. No one was talking about what had happened. No one knew what to say.

Howard opened his mouth like a gulping fish and closed it after one look from Raj. He slowly stood up, walked to the kitchen and pulled out three bottles of cold water. He walked back to the living room and passed them out. Raj took his and nodded before taking a sip. Sheldon stared off into space while the water hovered in the air and began to map out equations on an imaginary board.

Howard looked at Raj who shrugged.

"What are you trying to figure out there buddy?"

"I have…." Sheldon blinked, "no idea."

"I have an idea, why don't you explain how you punched Leonard in the jaw?" Raj murmured from the chair.

-Two hours before…-

Everyone arrived at the apartment forty minutes before the comic book convention in full garb. Howard was dressed as the stealth black knight practicing his Christian Bale voice, "I am batman" low and gravelly. Raj was dressed as Aquaman, yellow wig and seahorse included. Leonard was sitting down reading a science magazine while dressed as the Green Lantern.

Sheldon walked from his room to Penny's apartment. He knocked three times and finished his pattern before she opened the door. She was wearing blue jeans, yellow flip flops, and a lime green tank top. Sheldon was disappointed; she was supposed to be dressed as Wonder Woman, not Penny.

"Penny, I told you we are supposed to be at the comic book convention in forty minutes. You were supposed to be dressed by now." Sheldon watched as Penny sat down at the couch and took a sip of wine. Penny didn't need to be drinking, Penny needed to be dressing.

"I'm not going Sheldon." Penny sighed and leaned back against her turquoise couch. Sheldon remained standing at the doorframe.

"You were so excited last night about dressing up as Wonder Woman, what happened since last night?" Sheldon walked in and shut the door. He reached behind his head and took off the flash's costume face piece.

"You make a good Flash Sheldon." Penny smiled and crossed her legs on the couch. She reached to the space next to her and pat it lightly. Sheldon took a seat.

"I thought you didn't know who the Flash was?" Sheldon scratched his head lightly and arched his brow at her, "in fact, I remember you asking me to give you information about the fastest man alive."

Penny leaned her head deeper into the cushion behind her and gazed at him. He would have thought dreamily if there hadn't been alcohol in her system, now she just looked tipsy, "well, last night I couldn't sleep and I did a little reading."

"A little reading?"

"Yupp, I read about Aquaman and Batman and the Flash. Quite interesting really! I agree with Raj though, Aquaman sucks compared to the rest of them."

Sheldon leaned his head mirroring hers, "you are avoiding the original question Penny, what happened last night?" He leaned up quickly "are you sick! Oh good lord do you have the flu?" He used his elbow and covered his mouth and nose glaring at her through squinted eyes "I can't believe I almost put my head to your forehead in comfort."

"You almost touched my forehead?" Penny smiled a little, for a minute there she thought he was going to kiss her. As always though, his fear of germs got the better of him.

"In comfort…" Sheldon shrugged.

"Well thank you sweetie, I don't really need comfort."

"Well what would you like?"

Penny smirked and reached over to take his hand and pull it away from his face. "I would like to know how I just now realized Leonard is an ass." Penny watched as Sheldon swallowed and his eyes grew in size "but, you can't do anything about that."

"How was Leonard an ass?" Sheldon looked down to see their joined hands before looking back at Penny.

"We broke up Sheldon and he asked me if he was just a notch on my nerd bedpost." Penny quickly looked down as she felt Sheldon tighten their grip…it was close to being painful, "Sheldon?"

"He asked you…" Penny swallowed as Sheldon stared at her. This was one hell of an intense stare and Sheldon was not blinking. "He asked you if he was a notch on your bedpost."

Penny nodded.

Sheldon stood up, "you are _not_ a whore." Penny sat on the sofa and watched as Sheldon paced back and forth, back and forth, in front of her. He was mumbling things quietly to himself and moving his arms around in complex patterns.

"I know I'm not Sheldon, thank you." Penny stood up and wrapped her arms lightly around his middle stopping him and the constant pacing, "you don't have to fight my battles for me Sheldon. I'm a tough girl!" She squeezed before letting go.

Sheldon reached down and brushed his lips across her cheek heading for her ear. He hadn't touched her in months apart from hugs and occasional high fives. Penny could feel goose bumps spread across her body. She wanted to twitch or wiggle with the effect, but she didn't dare move away from Sheldon. He was like a timid dog, one quick move and he would bail.

"I understand if you don't want to come with us to the convention. I want you to be happy Penny." His breath stirred the hair on her temple. Penny wasn't even sure she was breathing by this point. "You have taught me how to be a better friend, let me introduce you to my world. As you would say, wanna be a nerd?"

Penny smiled as she could feel Sheldon smirk against her hairline. Three months ago she would never have expected Sheldon to get more physical and social. She would never have expected him to not twitch when she hugged him, or for him to initiate physical contact. Yet, here they were. Sheldon was her best friend and she couldn't imagine changing any of it.

"Let me go change into my outfit Sheldon."

She burst out laughing as Sheldon's eyes got big and he bounced up and down whispering "goody, goody, goody!" How he could go from a caring _man_ to an excited _child_ boggled her mind.

Penny popped back into the living room with brown hair and a blue and red leotard. She was tying the golden lasso to her plastic belt when Sheldon saw her. "Penny has anyone ever told you that you would make a fantastic Wonder Woman?"

"Um…no" Penny looked up and smirked. "I can honestly say no one has ever told me that." With the lasso in place, Penny adjusted her breasts in the leotard and then placed her hands on her hips doing Wonder Woman's pose. "We good?"

Sheldon placed his face piece back on, "the flash approves!"

"Well come on Flash, let's go get the rest of our team!"

Penny and Sheldon walked across the hall and strode in to the other apartment. The boys were sitting around the table by the couch playing Jenga. It was Raj who was moving a piece on top of the tower, he was chatting aimlessly about how uncomfortable his legs were being locked around a piece of Lycra seahorse. Upon seeing Penny however, he squeaked and knocked over the tower.

"I'm here to get my geek on boys!" Penny exclaimed before standing once again in the Wonder Woman pose.

"Awesome!" Howard stood up and ran to shut the door behind Sheldon.

"You decided to come?" Leonard squirmed from the floor and sat on the couch. He took off his green face piece, adjusted it somewhat and retied it.

"Of course, I promised my boys!" Penny walked up to Raj and squeezed him lightly across the shoulders and then walked up and fist bumped Howard.

Raj and Howard shared a glance and smiled at Penny.

"Yeah, whatever" Leonard stomped towards the door and ripped it open. The other four looked at each other and listened as Leonard stomped down the stairs, "you guys coming or what?" Leonard screamed from the bottom of the stairs.

Raj walked up to Penny and held out a bright blue and red ring, "here." The rest of them winced slightly at Raj's high squeaky voice. When he could talk to women it sounded like a dying cat being fed a helium balloon, painful for eardrums.

"What's this?"

Raj looked at Howard pleading for him to take over, "Sheldon had us make rings for all the members of the Justice League of America. They match our outfits." Howard responded. He took his right hand and pointed to his black and silver ring, Raj mirrored the action showing off his turqoise and orange ring as did Sheldon sporting a red and yellow ring. Penny smiled and placed her ring on her middle finger.

"To the Justice League of America" Howard exclaimed.

**00000000**

"Is it always like this?" Penny leaned in to Sheldon and watched as three black creatures looked her up and down and walked ahead of them into the building. "What are those things?"

"Orks" Sheldon and Howard responded. Sheldon pulled Penny a little closer to him as they walked in. He hunched over before talking to her, "if at any point you feel uncomfortable let us know."

Penny nodded. One jackass she could fight, three evil broads had nothing on her…a group of men who have never seen a woman before? Frightening. If Sheldon wanted to be her bodyguard and protect her at this junction, she could agree to that.

Penny followed Sheldon as he moved around the room. They walked around looking at tables filled with different fandoms and comic book characters. It was packed with all sorts of people. Girlfriends were posing themselves around sexy cardboard cutouts of Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom, older men and women were smiling and pointing to different things and holding copies of comic books, and children were tugging their mothers from table to table smiling.

Penny suddenly had a vision of herself chasing a little boy with fair skin and darker hair around the convention. Watching him reach for every action figure his grubby little hands could find. She smiled as she imagined it_. I wonder if I would be wearing a Flash t-shirt. _

_Where the hell had that thought come from? _

Penny shook her head and continued following the boys who were heading to the back of the convention. "What happens here?" She whispered.

"This is where the costume parade will be" Sheldon whispered back. Penny watched as he looked around the room looking at what she assumed was their competition. There were a lot of exquisite costumes. One woman walked around naked covered in solid blue paint as the woman from X-men. Howard had to be restrained from following her.

There was also a tall, chiseled man dressed as Thor. He was shirtless and blonde. Penny _really _enjoyed watching Thor with the big hammer.

"Hubba hubba" Penny muttered.

"Please" Sheldon snorted, "that outfit is so inaccurate. Just more proof some people don't take this seriously." He grimaced and reached for Penny again leading her to the check-point in the back of the room. This would be where they would give their names and group name before the competition began.

"Wait, do we have to do a runway walk or anything?" Penny asked from behind Howard.

"Nope, we just stand there and then they judge us." Howard responded, readjusting his batman belt.

"Ah!" Penny nodded slightly disappointed.

"Names please!" The Justice League of America grimaced at the tone coming from the woman sitting at the big white desk. She had huge round glasses and an image of the Joker on her t-shirt. It wasn't that her voice was loud that caused the group to scrunch their faces; it was that she sounded like a higher version of Betty Boop. It was unbelievable.

"Um, yes this is Howard, Leonard, Raj, and Penny." He pointed to each of them before pointing to himself "and I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper, BS, MS, MA, PH.D, SC.D" he paused, "OMG right?"

Penny snorted.

"Right….well. Mr. Cooper, what is the name of the group?" The woman looked down and wrote quickly on a spreadsheet.

"The Justice League of America" Sheldon exclaimed proudly. He scowled as the woman chortled from below him. He relaxed his stance and waited.

"Puh-lease sweet-cheeks! We've got three Justice Leagues of America!" She recapped her black pen and placed it by the white paper before leaning back in her metal folding chair and crossing her arms. "Chose another name or you can't compete."

Sheldon turned around to the other members. Leonard shrugged not having any idea for a new name, Raj looked off into space as if trying to decide, Penny just watched them, and Howard kept spouting bad ideas.

"How about the sexy Justice League of America" Howard asked and waited for a reaction. No one reacted.

"Okay, how about America's Next Top Superhero?" Howard had just recently found the show with the house of sexy models hosted by another sexy model. He had been trying to find the house of "future Mrs. Walowitz" ever since.

No one responded.

"I give up." Howard murmured.

"Why don't you just name us The League of Superheroes?" Leonard spoke up from beside Raj. Raj nodded and Sheldon shrugged no longer caring.

"Fine" he muttered letting the woman know. She nodded and wrote it down on her spreadsheet letting them know it would be another ten minutes before they began.

"Let's go take a seat" Leonard exclaimed cheerfully shocking Howard beside him. Leonard had been angry for months. Since Big Boy three months prior, even though he won Penny, there was just a constant scowl on his face.

"What's got you so cheery?" Howard asked walking beside him on the way to the seat.

Leonard shrugged, "Nothing just excited to start."

"Okay…" Howard responded before sitting down next to Raj. Raj leaned in and whispered in his ear. "No, I don't know why Penny and Leonard aren't sitting together. I'm sure they will let us know." Raj leaned in again, "Yes, I'm sure it's Leonard's fault. Now shut it, it's starting." Howard whispered back to Raj who was sitting and listening. Raj nodded.

The three judges introduced themselves and sat down at a head table. One of the judges stood up and began calling out names of groups. Each group was to stand on the stage and would then be judged for authenticity and accuracy to who they were portraying.

A group of middle age men stood up portraying the Avengers. Most of them had beer bellies pushing against the seams of their outfits. If the scowls on the judges were any inclination, this group was not making the top three.

The next group was two men dressed as the Ambiguously Gay Duo from Saturday Night Live. They were booed off stage. Sheldon made sure to let Penny know that it wasn't because they were portraying gay characters; it was because the characters were part of a spoof comic show and not part of an established comic book. The judges approved of the booing and looked at each other in befuddlement.

"Honestly, I don't know how they got through the first stage!" Sheldon muttered in Penny's ear.

Penny shrugged. They were up next and for some reason she was nervous. She started shaking her leg up and down.

Sheldon gripped her knee, "it's not Penny who is going up there. It is Wonder Woman. Make her proud! Think of it as another role." Sheldon let go of her knee and held out his hand for her. She gripped it and stood up making her way to the stage behind Sheldon. He let go of her hand when they made it to the stage and moved to the back of the group.

"The League of Superheroes" the one judge announced over the intercom. There was a steady amount of applause. Penny smiled and did the Wonder Woman pose. The applause grew.

"Cool!" Penny excitingly murmured as the audience cheered.

They stood there for a few more seconds before walking down the stairs and heading back to their seats. Penny found herself having a lot of fun. Course, it didn't hurt that Sheldon had captured her hand again when they had to go back to their seats. That helped make things more enjoyable!

All of them sat back down and watched the rest of their competition. A couple groups were dressed as the Justice League of America just like they were, but they didn't have women in their group. There was one group that was truly amazing, so genuine, they were dressed as the cast of the Lord of the Rings (explained the Orks from before).

"Oh, those guys are from a movie?" Penny said leaning in to Sheldon.

"Yes Penny" he rolled his eyes "need to put that on my list of films to make you watch. I cannot believe you have never seen Lord of the Rings!"

"Yes well, you had never seen Edward Scissorhands before I came along, and you loved that movie."

"I did not" Sheldon turned around and faced Penny "I ask you Penny, how could he have put on his main black leather outfit if he has scissors for hands?"

Penny smiled, "he was made in the suit Sheldon."

"Perhaps, but at some point he changes suits and then goes back into it." He paused, "how could Edward redress back into the black leather number?"

"Okay, okay" Penny chuckled lightly. The amount of detail Sheldon noticed in things was ridiculous, "how about a compromise?"

"Name your terms" Sheldon squinted towards Penny.

Penny nodded taking it one-hundred percent serious, "every time you make me watch a film with you that you approve of, you have to watch a film I approve of."

Sheldon raised his arm, "formal protest."

Penny raised a brow, "declined."

Sheldon sighed "fine, but I ask you one thing." He swallowed.

"What?"

"No sparkly vampires."

Penny held out her hand "deal." Sheldon shook her hand and smiled. He began thinking of all the films he and Penny could watch. Ooh! Television shows should count too, but he would bring that up later.

Everyone quieted down as the three judges stood up and walked to the stage. The lady talked first, she was young and very pretty. She resembled Courtney Cox in her build and her facial expressions. She began the speech.

"Thank you everyone for coming" a mild applause followed her statement. "We are about to announce our three nominees. If we call your name please make your way quietly up to the front of your stage. Hold all responses till the end please."

"Lord of the Rings, please make your way to the front of the stage." The members of the group quietly made their way up, "would the Avengers please make your way to the stage" the next group made their way quietly to the front.

"This is it!" Howard muttered from the last chair in the row.

"The League of Superheroes please make your way to the front of the stage." Penny was thrilled and reached down for Sheldon's hand pulling him up to the stage. She gripped his arm as they stood waiting for the response from the judges, he must have been nervous too since he didn't move away from her or move her hand.

Another one of the judges made their way to the microphone. He looked like a slightly taller version of Danny DeVito. He was wearing a shirt with a yellow lightning bolt like the one on Sheldon's costume.

"In third place with a bronze medal is….the Avengers. Your dedication and specification were great, but points were taken off for having a Dr. X with hair." Penny almost laughed but stopped when Sheldon nodded in agreement, she swore she heard him say "thought so."

"In second place with a silver medal is….Lord of the Rings. You have mirrored the film and books exceptionally well, but you forgot to add your hobbit feet."

Penny, Raj, and Howard group hugged! This meant they won!

"In first place with a gold medal, the League of Superheroes, you have everyone of importance in your group and you all enabled the mindsets of your characters to a T. Congratulations to you from the Pasadena comic book association."

Sheldon leaped and walked down to take the trophy while Howard, Raj, and Penny continued to hug. He took it from the judge and held it in the air. Loud applause followed his movement. He beamed.

"I'm so proud of you baby!" a loud voice exclaimed from the back of the room. Sheldon looked around in confusion. He watched as a young girl ran up to the stage. Leonard jumped off the stage and embraced the girl.

Sheldon dropped the trophy.

"Who the hell is that?" Howard asked glancing at Penny who was pale. She wasn't angry or sad, she just looked speechless. Shocked.

"You do not deserve Penny!" Sheldon screamed from the stage while Leonard was below him. The entire room became quiet watching the Justice League of America fight in front of them. Sheldon jumped from the stage and punched Leonard in the face, "you do not deserve her!"

**0000000**

"So you just punched Leonard in the face?" Raj asked folding his arms and placing them between his kneecaps.

Sheldon sighed and lowered his body deeper into the couch. He was slouching, which was unlike him, but by this point he really didn't care. This was his spot so it didn't matter what he did in it.

"I didn't approve of his actions." Sheldon rubbed his knuckles lightly wincing at the tenderness. Howard got up and ran back to the bathroom for gauze and Band-Aids. He came back and wrapped Sheldon's hand making sure to put a lot of padding on the knuckles.

"No one says it hurts when you hit someone" Sheldon sighed, "superheroes make everything look so easy." Sheldon placed his bandaged hand onto his lap and then rubbed his eyes lightly with his other. When had everything become so ridiculous?

"So, either Leonard cheated and that's why you hit him or Penny and Leonard broke up and Leonard is a douche…either way I can understand why you hit him." Raj said from beside Sheldon.

"I wasn't really thinking at the time Raj. I always considered myself to be peaceful like Spock. You know, someone who thinks analytically and not with his fists." Sheldon glanced down quickly at his bandaged hand "apparently I am just like those Neanderthals Penny used to date."

"No you're not" Howard responded rolling up the rest of the gauze, "what you did was for a worthy cause. If Raj and I had known about any of this" he pointed to Raj who was nodding in agreement "we would have done the same damn thing."

"Thank you."

"How's Penny with everything?" Raj asked.

Sheldon shrugged, "I need to go see how she is." Sheldon slowly got up from the couch and made his way over to the apartment. He was ready for any reaction on the other side of the door. He could imagine a pissed off Penny who yelled at him about how she didn't need protection. He could imagine her ignoring his knocks, that reaction would probably hurt the most.

He knocked on the door three times and repeated her name. It was his pattern. He looked down and saw the shadow of her feet, this was it.

"Sheldon" Penny exclaimed on the other side and opened the door far and really quickly. "Sheldon you protected me!"

"Well, yeah…" Sheldon shrugged "Penny I don't expect you to condone what I did."

"Are you kidding? I never thought I would be so happy to see someone punch one of my exes! Sheldon, no one has ever defended me from a jackass before." Penny then reached up and pulled Sheldon close to her face, sliding her lips across his "thank you" she whispered sincerely before dragging him down for a kiss.

He was sure a squeak of surprise or a moan of interest escaped him, but Penny didn't stop. She just kept kissing the hell out of him and walking backwards bringing him deeper into the apartment. She finally broke off the kiss smiling at the blush on Sheldon's face and walked to her apartment door to shut it on a gaping Raj and Howard.

Howard turned to Raj with his mouth agape, "damn-it I should have gone over there to see how she was doing!"

Raj snorted, "Yeah I'm sure it's first come, first serve."

**0000000**

**Hohoho! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! It is THE chapter and I hope I did it justice. To clarify, I am a nerd. I have been to a LOTR concert, and if it comes to your town I suggest you see it ASAP. It costs 25-30 dollars, but go just to people watch. It's amazing. Anyway, I'm letting you know I am a nerd because I tend to stick with the fandoms I know. Harry Potter, LOTR, Star Wars, Ironman. These are the fandoms I know. I try and stay with the shows or characters Sheldon brings up, but sometimes I want to show my pride. If there is something you wish to see more of, let me know. **

**Sheldon will never read or watch Twilight. No hate, just not my thing. **

**SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER! **


	7. Chapter 6: A Study in Physics

**Chapter 6: A Study in Physics. **

OMG I am so sorry! There was way too much drama in the last week, and I had no inspiration to write! I am so sorry! This is also a "filler" chapter. I apologize if it has no point, I'm just trying to get my bearings and get inspired to write.

To the lovely reader who wanted Sherlock references, I hope you enjoy. There will be more of them in the next chapter.

Let's get to it then!

**Thank you Michael for giving me the equation for string theory! This site didn't allow the symbols so I had to paragraph form it, but thank you : ).**

**00000000**

What is the first image that pops into your head when I say badass? Is it a man jumping from a building to save the lives of the people he loves? Is it a woman who has defeated all the odds of a case and in the end proves everyone wrong? Is it a man fighting a robot with dubstep music in the background? Or could it be a scientist drawing formulas on a white board which can ultimately prove string theory against those who believe in loop quantum gravity?

If your mind went to the first scenarios then obviously you don't know the true definition of _badass_.

Sheldon Cooper stared at the darkened whiteboard in front of him. There were so many formulas, drawings, and equations covering the board he had to rest his hand either above the entire thing or on the wall beside it. There was just no room to be found on the two feet by four feet piece of plastic.

After twenty-six hours of staring at the equations, Sheldon rubbed his eyes and took a seat at his desk. Office hours should not exceed an eight hour shift, he was destined to be short tempered and loopy with a lack of sleep! Just as he was about to rest his head on top of his laptop and close his eyes for a brief period, there was a quiet knock on the door.

Sheldon groaned, "Come in" he called out before raising his arms above his head and popping his back. "If you happened to bring me some hot tea or another caffeinated beverage I would be more than pleased! Just not coffee otherwise you will have to speak to my mother."

"Erm…sorry I didn't bring you anything" Raj quickly opened the door before looking at the white board. Sheldon obviously didn't see his mathematical mistake yet.

Raj closed the door and sat down on the chair in front of Sheldon's desk. Sheldon looked horrible. His short hair was pointing up in all directions, his face was slightly darker from the hair growing on his jawline (not a lot mind you, Sheldon was more like a child than man. He didn't grow a lot of hair), even his t-shirt depicting gravity was wrinkled.

"Can I help you…" Sheldon yawned "Raj?"

"Yes, I was hoping you would allow me to come work for you." Raj ran his hands over his yellow and green sweater-vest tugging it down lightly before rubbing his hands on his green cargo pants. He crossed his right leg over his left and fiddled with the shoestrings on his converse. He was doing anything and everything he could think of so he didn't have to watch Sheldon think of an argument against his idea.

It wasn't really his idea, since the University was closing his department due to budget cuts; it was really more of a plea so he could stay in the country. Dr. Gabble-Houser had warned him of this after paintball and just a few days later it was time to look for a new job.

Sheldon sat in his desk chair moving as much as a limestone statue. He blinked a few times and lightly scratched his head.

"Could I interest you in an energy drink?" Sheldon turned his chair slightly reaching towards the miniature refrigerator behind him. He raised one eyebrow waiting for Raj to respond.

"Sure" Raj nodded "if you have berry I would prefer it." Sheldon handed him a berry flavored energy drink before stretching once again and popping his back. "So…" Raj continued, "What do you think of me coming to work with you? "

Sheldon took a sip of his energy and placed it on the right corner of his desk near a bottle of aspirin and a picture of his mother and himself at one of his college graduations (the same from his apartment). "I had heard there would be cut backs due to the economy;_ obviously_ I knew it wasn't going to affect me and my research."

_Obviously_, Raj rolled his eyes waiting for the inevitable.

"I did wonder what would happen to my friends if they did cut back on funding. No doubt Howard would go back to school for a Doctorate after begging for affirmation of his success from his mother, Leonard" Sheldon scratched his head, "well honestly at this point I don't know what Leonard would do."

Sheldon smirked, "really, you're the only person I would have to worry about." His smirk turned into a smile.

"Thanks." Raj shoved his hands in his pockets; he thought _this_ had been a _good_ idea?

Sheldon folded his hands on top of his desk and leaned in, "you do understand you would have to listen to what I say and follow my every direction?"

"Yes" Raj whispered feeling like he had just signed his life away to the devil incarnate.

"You are okay with this?" Sheldon continued to stare at Raj in befuddlement.

"Yes" Raj whispered quieter than before.

"You have to promise there will be no shenanigans, funny business, or hanky panky. For example, you will not put a pink balloon on my chair allowing others to believe I have flatulence." Sheldon glared as Raj tried not to laugh. About a year ago, Howard and Raj had done a bunch of pranks in Sheldon's office. Whoopi cushions, silly string, big furry spiders, you name it. It had been hilarious!

Raj coughed, "I promise. No funny business or hanky panky."

"Good." Sheldon stuck out his hand for Raj to shake. He did. This was the start of all superhero movies. The yin and yang working together for the greater good before one of them killed the other one (I'll let you figure out who would be the target and who would be the shooter).

"Now, shall we start?" Sheldon stood up and leaned against the wall next to his whiteboard; Raj mirrored the action and stood beside him. After a few minutes, there was an abrupt knock on the door followed by Barry Kripke asking Sheldon, "the big doofus" why he thought he was allowed to use the new power-beam laser just because he had put his name on every single opening and every single time slot.

"Shut up Barry, shut up!" Raj turned and frowned first at Barry and then at Sheldon.

"Relax dude, he's just being himself."

"Sorry it's just" Sheldon rubbed his eyes with his fists "I'm trying to think." Sheldon turned around to look at Kripke, "Kripke, face the other way you're putting me off."

"Why do I have to turn the other way?" Kripke walked the few steps from Sheldon's office door to stick the sign in sheet to the laser in Sheldon's face, "don't think I won't we-port you to Dr. Gabble-Houser you woo-ser." Sheldon pulled the sign in sheet away and went back to leaning by the wall near his whiteboard.

"Kripke you lower the IQ of the entire street." Sheldon paused and rested his head on his arm he slanted his eyes to the right to see a disappointed Raj, "sorry Raj, so sorry. I get a little testy after I haven't slept in a day." Raj nodded and understood. One time when he had been stuck on an equation for days, he yelled at a man for twenty minutes about global warming…in fact he was pretty much sure the global warming man he yelled at _had_ been Kripke.

"I'm weaving, this is how all super villains are made." Barry Kripke left the office and both Raj and Sheldon sighed in content at the blissful silence. They both stood there for hours watching the boards and trying to figure out where to go next in the formulas.

"Sheldon I think I see the problem. I was sure of it when I came in, but I didn't know what the change would do to the finished product." Raj bent down to retrieve one of the black pens from the silver shelf on the bottom of the board. He uncapped it and coughed lightly at the aroma which wafted in the air. Dry erase markers were the worst!

"If we erase this figure here and replace it with this" Raj turned the symbol around, "we don't have to account for the electrons, since the formula speaks for itself."

Sheldon rubbed his hand around his jawline while pondering the new formula for string theory, "interesting…"

"Yes, yes! You see now if you replace this" he circled the denominator in the formula "for this" he wrote the Greek symbol for infinity at the end of the equation "then you have got yourself one step closer to finding out if gravity is loopy or stringy!"

Sheldon looked at the board and smiled "Raj, I think you are a genius!" Raj stood with his mouth agape and his eyes round in astonishment. There was no way in hell Sheldon just called him a genius.

"I mean obviously you took my work and flipped one symbol and rewrote it thereby just taking all my work and figuring out the mistake in my formula, so now instead of being _ax to eleventh power+bx+cx=f(t) where x means the time derivative of t(x) _it now says _ax to the eleventh power+bx+cx=f(t) where x means the time derivative of x(t)_. Beautiful!"

_And there it is, _Raj smiled. Sheldon taking the credit and diminishing his error, the great Sheldon Cooper was never wrong!

Sheldon continued to look at the board, "I wonder though if we have taken waves in space into consideration? The conditions of (x) to the fourth dimension leading to eigenvalues for the momentum in one direction where P=N/R. With this formula" Sheldon pointed to the whiteboard, "did we take in to account the infinite number of charged particles within its mass?"

"Sheldon…" Raj capped the dry erase marker and placed it back on the shelf.

"Yes?"

"Don't be an idiot of course you did." Raj went back to the desk and sat down.

Sheldon looked back at his work and shrugged, "of course I did, my apologies." He turned around to face Raj who was sitting at his desk, "must be my lack of sleep."

Sheldon took two steps and folded his arms in front of Raj. "Two things I wish to discuss with you Koothrapali. One, I think you and I will work really well together from here on out and I appreciate the way you handled helping me with the equation." Sheldon hunched a little closer to Raj "Two, you touch my board again and you die."

Raj nodded.

"I have plenty of whiteboards for you to prove yourself, but I do not like other people touching my things." Raj smiled and apologized. He wasn't surprised in the least, though he was surprised Sheldon hadn't said anything while he was doing it, _growth_.

"Also, that's my spot." Raj leaped up from the desk chair and sat down across from Sheldon who was sighing in content and giving one of his innocent smiles.

"Daddy's home." Raj rolled his eyes; he was definitely going to need a desk.

**000000**

Sheldon, Howard, and Raj sat down at their usual table in the University cafeteria during their lunch break. Howard was eating a pork sandwich with coleslaw and a slice of cheesecake, Raj was having a tuna salad sandwich with chocolate pudding, and Sheldon was eating his usual Tuesday meal of a turkey sandwich, with chips and a Diet Dr. Pepper.

"So…" Howard began wiggling slightly in excitement "guess what happened?"

"Good lord I hate this game. There are so many options!" Sheldon placed his sandwich half back onto his plate and pondered looking off in the distance for a few moments. Howard and Raj watched in frustration and amusement.

"You" Sheldon pointed at Howard, "went back in time and travelled to a near and distant future where human beings were being controlled and manipulated by dogapus'? (man's best friend and underwater buddy an octopus mated with a dog) or geicats?" Raj and Howard watched as two dimples appeared on Sheldon's face, "how stimulating would it be to have cats disappear by matching the object they were occupying. Is that what happened?"

"What?" Howard murmured and glanced at Raj who shrugged in befuddlement. "No!" Howard shook his head as if about to explain something to a child "No Sheldon, I met a girl, a tiny imp perfect for my lustful musings. Her name is Bernadette and Penny introduced me to her."

"Oh!" Sheldon reached for his sandwich and took a bite; he scowled when he realized his sandwich was turkey, tomato and bacon instead of bacon, tomato, and turkey. He would have to take that up with one of the cafeteria workers! He put the sandwich down once again and took a sip of his Diet Dr. Pepper. You might take the man out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the man.

"Well no offense, but how was I supposed to guess that?"

"When did you hang out with Penny?" Raj asked Howard before scooping the last bit of chocolaty deliciousness from the Styrofoam bowl.

"I went to the Cheesecake Factory."

"Why did you see Penny at work?" Sheldon asked, bracing his body slightly on the table and viewing Howard from across the table.

"Don't get your panties in a twist" Raj giggled "I'm tired of being alone Sheldon! I went and asked Penny if she had any female friends for me to take to Doctor Markowitz's Black Hole symposium." Howard smiled at Sheldon, "she introduced me to Bernadette."

"I didn't realize Doctor Markowitz was having another symposium, when is it?" Sheldon stood up after Howard told him it was two weeks away and went to get a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie from one of the cafeteria workers. Once he had been reassured each worker handling the chocolate treat wore gloves and hairnets he walked back to his seat.

"So did you ask Penny to get me a date?" Raj asked looking from Sheldon eating his cookie and muttering happily, to Howard who was finishing his pork sandwich.

"How can you have a date when you can't even talk to women?" Howard asked incredulously.

Raj shrugged and looked disappointed, "I don't want to go alone."

"Gentlemen please" Sheldon finished the cookie, "if you focused more on the fact that Doctor Markowitz the father of Black Holes in string theory is having a symposium and less on who to take to it like a prom…" Sheldon paused, "I forgot where I was going with this."

"Well that's a first" Raj muttered.

"What's a first?" Sheldon asked.

"You admitting your rant had no point!" Howard smirked and laughed aloud as Sheldon scowled at him with a milk mustache and a light chocolate rim around his mouth before wiping with one of the seven napkins he used during a meal.

"I never rant I always discuss." Sheldon peered from one face to the next, "I honestly don't see why I never get my way when I am at this table. Can we please go back to the subject at hand of Doctor Markowitz and his Black Hole Symposium?"

"Never get your way?" Howard tensed up as his voice grew in volume, "never get your way?"

"Yes."

"Dude, _no_." Raj turned to Howard, "it's not worth fighting with someone who doesn't understand how irony works."

"Point" Howard relaxed his body and watched as the twitching man opposite him did the same. Sheldon understood a lot of things hell, he was probably the smartest man on the planet (not that you would openly tell him this), but understanding the full scale of human emotions was something he had yet to comprehend.

"Sarcasm" Sheldon questioned Raj.

"Nope" Raj slowly shook his head.

"Damn" Sheldon snapped, "I'm six for forty-one this month." Sheldon reached inside of his gray cargo pants and pulled out his cellphone. He opened up his message board and opened his continuous discussion with Penny. She always loved to hear when he "stuck his foot in it," or when he made a fool out of himself. He had promised months ago to text Penny whenever he didn't understand sarcasm.

_I'm six for forty-one this month. Tell me again why I have to do this?_

_Aw Sweetie! What happened this time? Did Howard make a pun? And it's freakin' funny!_

_No, just telling Howard how I never get my way. _

_You never get your way? _

_Not again, this discussion is moot. _

_YOU NEVER GET YOUR WAY? _

_Penny please, I'm at work stop repeating what I say. Why does everyone repeat what I say? If this is the way our discussion is going to go, I'm going to stop texting you like I promised. _

_Sorry, sorry…*sigh* what did you want to discuss? _

_Nothing, I was just fulfilling my duty. _

_Hahaha good to know sweetie! C U (as you would say) in a few light years! Pizza night? _

_I would not say light years. A light year is a measure of distance and not time. Of course, it's Wednesday night. Wednesday night is pizza night. See you later in the day from my spot, on my couch, in my apartment, while I eat my usual Wednesday dinner. _

_Thanks 4 that. _

Sheldon smiled as he placed his cellphone back into his front pocket. Conversations with Penny were sometimes tedious and interrupting of his routine, but most of the time they were a blast and although not educationally challenging they were…well…Penny was _fun_.

"What was that about?" Howard watched as Sheldon sat still with a bemused expression on his face.

"Huh?" Sheldon looked up to see Raj and Howard watching him, "oh nothing, just texted Penny to let her know I was six for forty-one this month."

Raj and Howard shared a glance.

"Speaking of Penny, what happened after you two kissed?" Howard stuck his hands under his legs and waited like a child about to open a gigantic present.

"What do you mean?"

"I believe he is referring to Penny latching on to you like a sexy octopus after you punched Leonard like a knight from some Arthurian legend." Raj turned his head to look at Howard, "Right?"

"In some sort of weepy-romance novel-creepy-candy-coating, _yes_, what happened after Penny shut the door?"

"Ooh!" Sheldon's voice went a higher octave, "I chose for us to watch Spiderman and she chose Wall-E. I still don't understand how the little robot saved a planet by just moving the fat people and finding a plant." He rolled his eyes "and we wonder why our education system is so lacking. Make a movie about Sir David Brewster discovering polarized reflected light" Sheldon slammed his hand on the table, "that's how you get the kids excited about science!"

"You're telling me you had the opportunity to kiss the cheesecake smelling goddess and you watched movies instead?" Howard chose to ignore the Wall-E rant and pathetic movie plot given to him by Sheldon's "brilliant" mind.

"Really Howard, I already told you I felt like one of Penny's exes by physically harming another person. Why would I go any further with Penny when she and Leonard just broke up?"

"Because Leonard is as popular as a cockroach at the moment and Penny likes you?" Raj muttered.

"Yes, but Leonard used Penny's feelings to get his way in the first place. If and when Penny and I get more romantically involved, it will be because she is ready to be more involved," he paused, "although I'm absolutely terrified she will somehow find another cockroach."

"Nah buddy, I don't think you have to worry" Howard squirmed; giving Sheldon compliments was a little hard to swallow "believe me when I tell you she won't go after another cockroach." Howard remembered how Penny had reacted when he discussed the importance of Sheldon sharing his hamburger at Big Boy. He had seen women at their weddings less excited than Penny had been that night.

"Why would I worry?" He smirked.

**0000000**

Knock, knock, knock.

Penny

Knock, knock, knock.

Penny

"Come in Sheldon!" Penny called from the opposite side of the door. Sheldon remained where he was on the other side, waiting a couple moments before knocking his pattern one more time.

"It's open." Sheldon frowned as he heard Penny blow her nose. He slowly opened the door and was confused. Penny was sitting in complete darkness crying in the middle of her turquoise sofa. Not the type of tears she got when she watched a sappy movie, or like the tears she got whenever she talked to one of her Nebraskan family members, real tears. Uncontrollable tears spreading down your face, neck, and chest and soaking your skin.

"Hi" Penny inhaled "Sheldon." The last part of Sheldon sound extremely whiny and a lot more nasally than her normal voice.

"Hello" Sheldon whispered from the doorframe. He slowly made his way into the apartment and closed the door behind him. This door would forever be remembered as his first make out place. Most people had their first serious kiss at a dance, school dance, laboratory, or onset of a teenage drama (just a guess), he had a door.

"Sheldon did I make a mistake of moving to California?" Penny threw the used tissue from her face to somewhere behind her. She reached for another Kleenex and blew her nose, "I mean…" she sniffed "I knew finding a job would be hard, but I didn't know if would be _impossible_ for me to get a job." Penny threw the latest offensive nose rag into her fireplace and stood up before walking to her kitchen and pulling a bottle of wine from the top of her fridge.

"Good lord Penny, I don't know what happened, but could you refrain from covering all of your furniture with microorganisms?"

"Today, I went to an audition and the director told me the only way I could become an actor would be to give him a blow job. I mean who deserves that?" Penny opened one of the cupboards and pulled down a pink and yellow striped wine glass and poured herself a lush amount. "What was the part you ask? It was a cereal commercial where I would play the young mother and that pervert wanted a blow job. Gross huh?" Penny looked up after taking a rather large sip and tried not to show her amusement as Sheldon walked around with a garbage bag and barbeque prongs picking up her discarded tissues.

"When I left Nebraska, no one believed I could do it." Penny sighed and took another sip of wine, "my mother thought I should stay home and marry a nice farmer's son and produce a dozen children." Sheldon turned to look as Penny pursed her lips and stared off in the distance, "I don't know _why_, it didn't seem to make her happy when she did it."

"What kind of mother wants you to end up as a farmer's wife?" Sheldon supplied from the living room, slightly muffled since he was bending down with the prongs picking up the last two tissues. He then walked towards the kitchen and threw out the bag of Penny's snot. He walked to the living room and sat on the couch; he smirked as he took his left hand and rubbed a circle on the couch cushion beside him just like Penny had done on the first day they met.

"Thank you sweetie, it's not all that bad." Penny placed her wine glass on the counter before making her way to sit next to Sheldon. "My dad wanted me to take over the family farm." Penny placed her feet on the coffee table, but slowly lowered them when Sheldon glared at her toes. "Daddy's little slugger forever and always." Once Penny's brother Charles "Chuck" had become addicted to meth and cocaine, her dad had become even more engrossed in the idea of her taking over the farm.

So, between her mother setting her up with all the local farm boys (the worst had been when she came home from her Senior prom and her mother asked if she was engaged) and her father wanting her to take over the family farm ("Penny stop spending time with that Smith boy, good farmers are up before dawn and down before dusk.") Penny had graduated from high school, bought a cheap car, and drove to California so she could prove she was destined for more than any of that.

"Penny" Sheldon began in his condescending voice causing Penny to roll her eyes and smile, "I too come from a small town in the south and from a family who never understood my, well, _greatness"_ Sheldon paused, "stop rolling your eyes Penny, anyway, it was my Meemaw who believed I could do great things, she used to send me letters and inspirational quotes to get me through."

"Aren't you close to your Mother?"

Sheldon smiled, "yes, but it was always difficult for my mother to understand me. My Meemaw gave up on understanding me and instead just loved me. It was quite nice." Sheldon shifted his weight on the couch, "Penny, don't you have anyone who believed you could become famous?"

Penny smiled, "my sister believes in me and my nephew."

Sheldon nodded, "good, we all need people who believe in us."

"Sheldon, I'm going to go lay down on the bed. Do you want to come with me?" Penny held out her hand and waited for Sheldon to make up his mind. He would either grip her hand (very unlikely), or he would bolt from her apartment (more likely). It was too late for Ka'a or a video game session with the rest of the gang, so really Sheldon had nothing to go home too at the moment besides an empty apartment. Penny continued to wait.

Sheldon looked up from where he was sitting on the couch and pondered the implications of the hand being held toward his face. He shrugged before lifting his hand and gripping hers lightly while standing up. He followed behind Penny who was leading them to her bedroom and slowly laid down beside her on the bed.

Apart from their hands still clutching, neither one of them made a point of having more body contact. It wasn't needed.

"Sheldon…" Penny murmured sluggishly from beside him, "sing Soft Kitty to me." She yawned.

"Soft Kitty is for when you are sick, you are not sick." Sheldon knew he would end up singing "their" song to her anyway, but he had to continue their ritual of arguing when the song was appropriate and when it wasn't. A couple months ago, Sheldon had been sick with the flu and Penny had been the one to take care of him (pissing off Leonard). He had taught her his Meemaw's song and now whenever one of them was feeling particularly bad, this was the ritual.

"Heartbroken and tipsy is a _type_ of being sick…"

Sheldon looked over to smile at Penny, but her eyes were closed.

He cleared his throat.

_Soft kitty, warm kitty_

_Little ball of fur_

_Happy kitty, sleepy kitty_

_Purr, purr, purr…_

"Thank you sweetie" Penny whispered slurring a little with exhaustion.

Sheldon nodded and closed his eyes before moving his head so it touched hers. Temple pressed against temple.

**0000**

**OMG, I'm not lying when I say I had no inspiration when I wrote this and honestly, I would add to it if I knew where to go. I don't want to throw it out because I think there are some great moments between the gang and between Sheldon and Penny in here…**

**More Sherlock BBC references will be made in the future (I think I'm going to do a Sheldon vs. Sherlock moment….mwahahaha) and if you would like to see YOUR FANDOM in the story, just let me know. **

**I've already started writing the next chapter. Get ready for Leonard to return and roommate agreements to be changed, Howard introduces Bernadette, Raj and Howard hilariousness, Penny drags Sheldon to acting class…and more! **

**The next chapter is ALREADY longer than this one and I am not even halfway through. I will make up for this! LOVE! **


	8. Chapter 7: He's not crazy!

**Chapter 7: He's not crazy, his mother had him tested! **

You know I love all of you and appreciate the reviews!

**00000**

"Oh, hello Penny" Sheldon was walking up the last flight of stairs with a box of his favorite candy, red licorice. He had just seen Clash of the Titans from the theater two blocks away. The movie had been terrible and he could barely sit through the entire thing, but the sound system had been state of the art and the candy was still delicious.

Still a waste of perfectly good mythology though.

"Hello Sheldon!" Penny was standing with her key to the door about to lock it. She was wearing black skinny jeans, a red jacket, and some sort of flowery silky top. Usually if Penny was going out at night she wore street clothes with lots of tight dresses, leggings, and heels.

Penny stood with the key clutched in her hand and waited for Sheldon to finish his journey up the stairs. "Did you have a fun time at the movies?"

"I think you mean the theater. I'm not an actor, so I'm not in movies and if I was in movies I would be in a better movie than the one I just saw." Sheldon paused, "although if I was an actor and in movies I wouldn't want to see myself up on screen which would ultimately ruin my "movie going" experience." Sheldon lifted the opened box of licorice and moved it closer to Penny, "red vine?"

"I just meant….maybe you should see…you're right….I" Penny stood with her mouth agape and reached for one of the candies. She took a bite and winced when it pulled her teeth and snapped her head back, these were not fresh. She chewed as he stood there staring at her in befuddlement.

"I swear to God Sheldon, one day I will figure out how to talk to you." Penny chewed and swallowed the rest of her piece, before refusing another.

"Ah well" Sheldon turned away from Penny and reached for his keys pulling them out of his pocket before unlocking his apartment door. He placed his red vines on the table which held the bowl for keys and turned back to face Penny leaning against the door jam. "You do the best by far out of all of my friends, so don't give up now."

"Well, thanks sweetie." Penny turned around and shoved her key into the door this time locking it. She frowned slightly disappointed by what Sheldon had just said and removed the key quickly from the lock before cramming it into her purse. "Glad to know I'm the best of all your friends."

For once Penny was glad Sheldon was less than stellar in reading emotions. Penny didn't understand why she was angry at Sheldon referring to her as one of the best of his friends, this was quite a compliment. Yet, she didn't really want to be his friend anymore. Her last serious relationship had been more than five months ago, she and Leonard had broken up weeks ago and in no way did she count_ that_ as a serious relationship.

She turned around and gave Sheldon a full watt smile. "So what are your plans for the rest of the night?" She swallowed at the look in Sheldon's eyes. He had his arms crossed as he was leaning against the doorframe; his eyes however were not as laid back. He was studying her. It was quite unsettling. "Sheldon, you okay?"

"What?" Sheldon shook his head quickly and blinked a few times focusing on the present, "um…yes. Yes! You know it's Saturday night so the gang will be coming over for some vintage video games and pizza." Sheldon smiled a little, "would you like to come over for some Mrs. Pacman and pepperoni pizza? I believe pepperoni is your favorite."

"Yes it is, but I can't tonight sweetie."

Sheldon stepped away from doorframe and hunched over a little to look at Penny more in the eye, "what's wrong?"

Penny blinked, "nothing sweetie. I really do have plans!" Penny rocked onto her heels and tried not to allow her lips to twitch, Sheldon looked like he was about to either throttle her or kick someone's ass. Probably neither, he was probably one step away from charging back into his apartment and starting a game without the others.

"A _date_" Sheldon asked and lowered his hands and placed them into his pockets remaining hunched.

"No Sheldon" Penny stopped rocking. Was this what Sheldon was like when he was _jealous_?

"Not a date?" In any normal circumstance, Penny might have laughed at what Sheldon had just said. No big words, no long explanations and reasoning's with obscure movie references she didn't understand, no twitching and full body shakes, Sheldon was in complete control…and it was so sexy to see. Penny took a step closer to him.

Sheldon didn't move a muscle, so by this point they were almost touching noses. "No Sheldon, not a date. I haven't dated anyone in weeks."

Sheldon nodded, "Penny…" his voice was so childlike sometimes. He sounded so unsure and puzzled, but he didn't move away.

"It's okay Sheldon" Penny lifted herself onto her toes and wrapped her arms around Sheldon's neck. She kissed him lightly on the mouth and wanted to jump him when she felt his hands slowly make their way from his pant pockets to her lower back. Sheldon usually never touched her during a kiss; normally it was like kissing a sexy pole. She smiled and opened her mouth a little urging him to do the same. He did.

She smiled before she slowly stuck her tongue into Sheldon's mouth, he pulled away breathing quickly. "Penny in what universe is it okay to stick your tongue and spit into someone else?"

Penny snort, Sheldon had no idea where all a person could stick their tongue in another person's body, nor did he understand French kissing. "Were you enjoying the kiss before I did that?" Penny smiled when she realized Sheldon had kept his hands around her waist while they were having this conversation.

"Yes." Sheldon responded sounding incredulous.

"Great!" Without waiting for anything more from Sheldon, Penny latched on once again to his mouth. This time not with tongue, but still with more passion than anything she had felt from her last couple of relationships.

"Why is it we always seem to catch them kissing?" Penny and Sheldon quickly pulled away as Howard and Raj made their way to Sheldon's apartment. Raj was red and looking around ignoring a panting Penny and angry Sheldon. Howard however was leering and looking particularly smug.

"So, what are you _two_ up to?" Howard smirked. "Are you planning on coming to vintage video game night Penny?" Howard crossed his arms while Raj shrugged and quickly made his way to the apartment looking at the ground and dragging what looked to be a plastic bag full of video games. He might as well order the pizza and get the games set up before the rest of the gang joined.

Penny cleared her throat, "no, I'm actually going to a seminar about acting."

"Good lord, do they make seminars about _acting_?" Sheldon asked incredulously from the other side of the hall. Howard stood between them looking from one to another.

Penny placed her hands on her hips, "yes, why?"

"What on earth could you possibly learn about in an acting seminar?"

"Why don't you come and see Sheldon? Then maybe you wouldn't be so quick to judge!"

Howard snorted while Penny lifted her hand and massaged her temple, "right, I _know_, I forgot who I am talking too."

"Penny" Sheldon began in his favorite condescending tone, "Penny, you know tonight is vintage video games and pizza."

"Yes, yes, I know." Penny fidgeted with her jacket and rubbed her hands lightly together, "right, well, I need to go before I'm late. Goodbye Howard" Howard walked up to Penny with his arms open as if to hug her, "stop." Howard put his arms down immediately.

Penny looked at Sheldon, "bye Sheldon."

Sheldon nodded, "Penny."

Sheldon and Howard watched as Penny walked down the stairs and out of view. "Sheldon, do you remember when we were eating lunch at the cafeteria the other day and you told me you worried about Penny dating another cockroach?"

Sheldon fidgeted, "Howard I have an eidetic memory I can remember everything and every conversation. If I'm meant to remember it, I will."

Howard blinked, "_Fine_ and _not_ the point." He rolled his eyes and adjusted the batman buckle on his pants, "Sheldon, you told me your fear was that Penny was going to date another cockroach right?" Sheldon nodded. "Well, don't you think there will be another cockroach at this seminar? Don't you think there will be guys there who can fix their schedules and not do the same thing night after night?"

"It's a seminar for acting! It doesn't matter." Sheldon looked down at his watch, "Howard it is 8:10, we are ten minutes late in vintage video games. We need to get started.

"Sheldon" Howard began mimicking Sheldon's usual condescending tone, "are you really that afraid of doing something different? Break your pattern!"

"Sure" Sheldon began heavy on the sarcasm and southern accent, "this is madness, this is complete and utter madness! Where does it stop? After this do I invite Penny to the Black Hole symposium? Huh, do we _date_? Does she come over and make me oatmeal on oatmeal day and French toast on French toast day?" Sheldon stopped; this was actually starting to sound _nice_. "Does she sit with me while I watch all my favorite movies, take care of me when I'm sick…does she laugh at my crazy moments and not mock them?"

"Yes!" Howard cried. "Go!"

"Such madness…" Sheldon looked around and then stared off into space, "huh..." Sheldon picked up his keys from the bowl and ran down the stairs before he could think more of it. Penny was just getting into a cab as Sheldon followed her in causing Penny to scream.

"What are you doing?" Penny asked clutching her chest.

"Howard convinced me I needed to be there for you." Sheldon sighed as Penny shimmied more in the cab, "before I could even get on my bus pants." Sheldon fidgeted as the cab started up.

"You have bus pants?"

"They keep me from getting sticky from the bus seats."

"Even in a cab sweetie?"

"Penny" Sheldon sighed, "It doesn't matter if it is a bus, cab, boat, or train. If I don't know who sat there before me, I wear a different pair of pants." Sheldon looked down at his grey cargo pants, "now I'm stuck wearing these pants."

Penny smiled, "well thank you for coming Sheldon." Penny reached down and pat Sheldon's knee. Sheldon smiled at her demurely before staring outside the window.

"By the way, I have a symposium on Black Holes this coming Wednesday. I would like you to go with me."

Penny watched Sheldon with her mouth agape, this wasn't a date but it was definitely more than they had ever done. For Sheldon this was so out of character, but there was no way she was going to pass on this oppurtunity.

"Sure Sheldon, I would love too."

Sheldon smirked, "I knew you would."

Penny laughed aloud, some things would never change.

Back in the apartment Raj and Howard watched from the apartment window. "What was that about? Raj asked watching as the cab pulled away before turning around and walking to the sofa.

"Are you kidding, we just got an "anything can happen Saturday!" We are free!" Raj and Howard high-fived, "what are we going to do? You want to go to a club and look at sexy women?"

"Err…what about Bernadette?" Raj asked.

"Hey, why deny the beautiful women of Pasadena my sexy self. Don't want them being denied anything do we?" He rubbed his hands, "and besides it's not cheating if I just look and don't touch."

"And don't talk."

"Yes." Howard scowled, "I won't talk."

Raj smiled before frowning slightly. What the hell would he do at a bar full of sexy ladies if he couldn't speak to them? He would be the foreign creeper they stare at and who stares right back at them, _who would want that?_ "Or" he began, "we could enjoy vintage video games and pizza without Sheldon?"

Howard paused, "okay, but next time we are going to go out to see some sexy ladies."

"You hear that sexy ladies? Someday soon we are going to be there staring at you watching your every move!" Raj screamed while Howard smiled. Raj frowned after saying it, "I think that makes us sound creepy."

Howard shrugged before moving to the couch and pulling the video games out of the plastic bag. "I stared at Bernadette for twenty minutes before she came to ask me if there was something wrong with me, now we are dating. It's all about the woman's perspective."

"Wow that is so_ not_ romantic."

**000000**

"Penny, I am _not_ going in there." Penny and Sheldon stood outside of a rather plain brick building in downtown Pasadena. There were bars on the second story windows, but red curtains on the first. Dark green paint was peeling from the doors, door frames, and shutters. It was a rundown hole, at least in Sheldon's opinion.

Penny saw _character_. She saw a building full of rich history and fame. Someone had taken the time to wrap the trees in the front around with white lights which twinkled around them. There were bright yellow and red flowers growing underneath the windows. It was charming and sweet. Penny wondered how many actors and actresses had walked through the building at some point. Harrison Ford, Whoopi Goldberg, Steve Carrel, Sandra Bullock, and who knows who else could have come here at some point in their lives for an acting seminar!

"Come on Sheldon" Penny tugged on Sheldon's beige jacket sleeve and pulled him along behind her, "I don't want to be late."

"Penny" Sheldon said while trying to pull off Penny's surprisingly strong grip, "if something happens to me while I am in this building, you are going to have to call my mother."

Penny stopped midstride causing Sheldon to bump into her. He scoffed and loosened her grip from his sleeve by shrugging his shoulder away. Penny raised her right arm, "formal protest?"

Sheldon tried not to smile and just arched at brow while looking down to see Penny. He shook his head slowly, "no."

Penny sighed, "Fine." She gripped his jacket sleeve once again and continued to pull in the direction of the stage.

"You would think they would do a little more with the inside of this building, I feel like I need to write a letter of protest to the Pasadena mayor about the lack of care people have taken in preserving this room." Penny had to agree (although she would never let Sheldon know) the inside looked like a hospital. Lots of white and beige walls, dark brown carpeted floors, and moth eaten cushions on each of the chairs made up the lobby and the first floor of the building.

Penny hoped the stage would be spectacular.

It was. When she opened the door while pulling Sheldon along, she tried not to gasp at the magnitude of the stage. It was huge, with lots of lights shining down on every angle, light even came up from the floor. Two gigantic red curtains surrounded the stage from both sides and each curtain was framed with gold fringe. It looked like a classic American theater. Penny wanted to clap when she saw the orchestra pit, it was so striking!

"Not bad" Sheldon muttered beside her, she had let go of her grip on his jacket at some point but didn't remember when. She turned to face him and smiled, "Sheldon, its _perfect_!"

Penny noticed a group of twenty or more fellow actors sitting next to the orchestra pit talking amongst themselves, "Sheldon, let's go take a seat." Before Sheldon could argue Penny gripped his hand and tugged him down to the orchestra pit. She took a seat next to a Goth young man who was wearing more eyeliner than any man should be allowed. He seemed friendly enough, he gave her a big smile before continuing to read the book he had been holding, A Clockwork Orange.

"So" Penny whispered to the man beside her "when will this begin?"

The young man pulled out a pocket watch from his black and silver striped skinny jeans and told her they were supposed to start in the next five minutes. Penny was pleased. Hopefully the man in charge of this seminar would start at exactly 8:30 otherwise Sheldon would spend the good part of it complaining about things no one needed to hear.

"Excuse me is that a 1930's pocket watch?" Sheldon asked from beside her to the smaller Goth gentlemen.

"Err…I believe so" the man shrugged, "I inherited it from my grandfather so I don't really know when it was made."

"Can I see it?" Sheldon asked.

The man shrugged again before looking at Penny who reassured him Sheldon was not a criminal. "He'll give it back to you as soon as possible, but for the love of God listen to what he tells you. If you don't he will make sure to repeat it at least three more times." The boy who she would later find out was named Adam, nodded and handed Sheldon his pocket watch.

Sheldon opened it up and fiddled with it for a few moments. Penny and Adam discussed acting and the actors they were truly inspired by while Sheldon randomly murmured and jiggled the watch.

"Yes, yes! I would say this is either a 1930 or 1934 pocket watch you can tell by the engraving right here" Sheldon reached over Penny and stuck the pocket watch under Adam's nose. "You see? You see? You see?" Penny snorted, when Sheldon was really excited his OCD knocking pattern entered in other aspects, "do you see the date engraved here?"

Adam nodded.

"You see on every pocket watch the date is engraved on the back of the time piece and this one says in roman numerals 193- but the last digit has faded or been scratched. Isn't it extraordinary?" He handed Adam his pocket watch back and sat down once again in his chair. Penny jumped when he started making loud robotic noises, "mmmmmbah!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Penny asked as Sheldon stood up and made his way around the rows and rows of seats.  
>"Mmmmmbah!" he screamed again this time holding his left ear and listening for the echo of what Penny assumed was his mating call.<p>

"Is he crazy?" Adam muttered from beside her.

"No" Penny whispered, "His mother had him tested."

Adam didn't respond, he just nodded and returned to his book.

"Mmmmmbah," Sheldon screamed from behind them. "Sheldon get your scrawny adorably weird ass back into this seat right now before I take any of the comic books in your collection and draw a tiny little smiley face inside some of them" Penny screamed turning around to face him.

"Mm-"Sheldon paused, "but Penny that would ruin their value." Sheldon pouted.

"That's the point sweetie." Penny settled down and watched as Sheldon slowly made his way back to where they were sitting. "Now what the hell was that random mmm-bop about?"

"Please Penny, mmm-bop was an annoying song from the early 1990's, what I was doing was making sure our seats had the best sound."

"Oh." Penny reached down and gripped his knee patting it lightly, "no need for that sweetie, we aren't seeing a show."

"Oh" Sheldon whispered before he looked up to the stage and noticed the man who was dragging out a black barstool and a water bottle to the middle of the stage. Sheldon snort, "Penny, this looks like a bad comedy show."

"SO" a loud booming voice echoed from the stage causing complete silence. The man with the booming voice stood on the stage at six feet tall in tight black pants and a tight black turtleneck. He had bright red hair and a goatee; he fit every stereotype of what an acting teacher should be, "so you want to be an actor! Well tough!" The man above them stomped his foot, "only a few of you will make it and I am here to tell you the ins and outs of acting."

"Oh goody" Sheldon whispered, "I feel inspired."

"What _is_ acting?" Sheldon raised his hand, but lowered it when Penny slapped him. "Rhetorical Sheldon, don't answer."

"Acting is the act of becoming another person, of being transformed into another being and character…" Sheldon rolled his eyes and leaned over to Penny, "Penny, this guy is a joke. He shouldn't be a teacher!" Penny shushed him. Sheldon faced the stage again and crossed his arms.

"Acting allows us to broaden our horizon and live the life of anyone and anything" he raised his arms like a conductor and balanced his weight onto his toes, "now let's broaden your horizon. Stand up!" He gestured standing up with his arms and the twenty people sitting down automatically stood up, except for Sheldon.

"Stand, stand, and move your body!" The man above them started doing odd hippie movements from stage. He flapped his arms and bent his knees, he curved and rotated his back, and "do what your body tells you" he screamed. "Make your body happy!"

Sheldon watched from his seat as all the people in the audience began to repeat the movements. Penny bent down and started shaking her legs and arms like a windmill, "Sheldon, join me!"

"Nope, my body is telling me it is absolutely happy sitting here."

Penny reached up to the sky and twirled her fingers before doing a full body shimmy. If it had been a different circumstance with different people Penny might have tried flirting through dance to see Sheldon's reaction, but someday one of these strangers might be her coworker and she didn't need them to think of her as a slut. She continued to do some ridiculous movements and closed her eyes.

"Oh boys and girls you are absolutely inspiring!" The acting teacher called out, "just a few more moments and we will continue on with the program." He raised his body onto his toes and stretched some more. He sighed, "Ah yes, and relax" he inhaled, "and settle." He motioned with his arms for them to sit down.

"Now" he smiled sedately "now we are going to do some acting! You are all relaxed and you are all comfortable with your bodies." He looked at each of them. "So whoever is ready to begin first, please make your way to the stage?"

Penny and the rest of the actors looked at each other in puzzlement no one moved. Adam raised his hand "sorry, but what are we supposed to act out?"

"Ah good a volunteer, come on up!"

"Err…_no_. I asked a question!"

"Life is too short for questions get up here." Adam slowly made his way up to the stage. The only sound heard amongst the rest of the students was Adam's nervous breathing and squeaky shoes on every step. "Okay, what is your name my acting progeny?"

"…Adam."

"Well, _Adam_, who do you want to apologize too?"

Adam raised his eyebrow, "I'm sorry?"

"No apology necessary, this is your assignment. Tell us right now if you could apologize to anyone, who would you apologize too?"

Adam pointed to Penny, "I'm sorry. I checked your ass out when we were dancing and I shouldn't have because you are such a nice person."

Penny coughed and laughed, Sheldon twitched, and the acting teacher looked from one to the other incredulously. "You chose that moment to be the one you apologize for?"

Adam shrugged, "I don't live my life with regret. Besides, I hope since I said that she will want to hang out sometime, although, not romantically since I'm already married."

"Maybe!" Penny called from below the stage, Adam smiled.

"Um…okay. Adam thank you for sharing, you may leave." Adam stomped down the stairs and took his place back next to Penny. Penny reached over and squeezed Sheldon lightly around the shoulders he had become incredibly tense. The acting coach pointed to Penny.

Penny stood up and made her way to the stage.

"What is your name young lady?" The teacher pursed his lips and rubbed his hands together like a praying mantis; Penny smiled and stuck her hands in her back pockets.

"Penny" Penny smiled down at Sheldon.

"Penny, pretend the people sitting down there are the person you want to apologize to the most." Penny nodded and inhaled, "after the last apology, if you want to remain nameless I understand."

Penny nodded and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I went out with him when the entire time I only wanted to go out with you." Penny sniffled, "I'm sorry I wasn't ready to be single and give you a chance, so I dated someone I didn't like because I was scared to be alone. You think no one will like you because you have a tendency to push people away, but that is why we need to give this a shot. I don't want to be alone and you are petrified of being with someone. You are my best friend, and I am so sorry for the pain and anger you must have felt." Penny sighed and opened her eyes.

"That was beautiful" the man beside her murmured. "Whoever that was for is crazy to ever be mad at you."

Penny snorted and gave Sheldon a watery smile, "he's not crazy his mother had him tested."

"Okay…whatever." The acting coach began; he called out for the next person to come up to the stage as Penny walked down the stairs and sat next to Sheldon. Penny looked over to see how he was reacting to what she had said and smiled when she noticed his hands in the air trying to figure out an invisible equation.

After about another hour of apologies in which Sheldon did not speak, the acting coach clapped and made his closing statement. "I hope you leave here feeling inspired and lighter. _Acting_, acting is about being in touch with your emotions and channeling your feelings into other characters. Yes, you may never have murdered someone, but with this technique you can feel the pain Lady Macbeth felt when she rubbed her hands while walking down the hallway washing the imaginary blood from her palms! I wish you all the best of luck." He quickly turned around before anyone could clap or react and stomped off the stage and out of view.

Sheldon and Penny remained in their chairs while the rest of the group slowly walked away from the stage. Sheldon had been absolutely right, this man should never teach. Although he had allowed her to apologize to Sheldon, which she would forever be grateful.

"Sheldon I'm…"

"Penny, I'm not mad at you. I never blamed you for anything that happened with Leonard."

"But Sheldon—I dated him for _months_."

"Yes, yes you did." Sheldon nodded in agreement.

"I ruined your friendship! If I had never said yes, you two would still be friends."

Sheldon scoffed, "No Penny we would have still had this falling out even if it wasn't about you. Obviously, he has some issues he needs to get over which is ironic since his mother is a psychiatrist. An amazing woman if there ever was one! When he does get some help, he will come back and be the Leonard I met years ago." Sheldon scowled, "it isn't your fault he cheated and I still find that action unacceptable."

Sheldon looked over at Penny, "Penny, my symposium is going to be a little different than what this was. There will be no full body exercises and you will need to dress in formal attire."

Penny smiled and nodded, "sure sweetie."

"Penny" Sheldon began, "I would like to approve of your outfit before you wear it."

"Ditto!" Penny began while standing up, "I am not going to be seen with a man in a plaid tuxedo!"

"That tuxedo is _classic_!" Sheldon stood up next to Penny and placed his hands on his hips.

"No, it's not. Classic is a black and white tuxedo, not a brown and black tuxedo with a yellow bowtie." Penny glowered.

"Well, classic is also not a tight red dress with platform heels and big silver hoop earrings!"

"That was a costume I was dressed as Betty Boop!"

"Well in any case, might I suggest loafers, brown skirts, and loose blouses?"

"What am I _fifty_?"

"What does a number have to do with anything?" Sheldon shook his head and cocked it slightly to the left, "I don't understand what you are trying to say here, and the women at the University wear stuff like this all the time. They seem perfectly comfortable!"

"Yes, but I am not one of the members of your University. I like to dress like _Penny_. If you want a nerdy scientist then bring a nerdy scientist!"

"I asked you, and the idea of interviewing other people to go with me makes me slightly queasy!"

"Well then I guess we're stuck." Penny laughed lightly, "We can go to the mall later this week."

Sheldon nodded, "fine. I need a ride."

"Deal" Penny reached out and touched Sheldon lightly on the cheek before reaching for his coat sleeve once again and pulling him to the exit. She didn't see his smile as she pulled, but she could feel his lack of resistance this time unlike when they were making their way into the building.

The sound of a vacuum being turned on in the lobby became louder as they got closer. The man who was using it was hunched over and elderly, but he seemed to be in control of what he was doing. Sheldon smoothly removed Penny's hand from his sleeve and made his way to the man.

"Excuse me can I ask you a question?" The man ignored him and continued to clean. "EXCUSE ME!" Sheldon screamed above the vacuum noise and this time touched the man lightly on the shoulder, he jumped and turned around.

"Sorry young man, sorry. After thirty years of working here I wear these" he pulled out two cotton balls from his ears and threw them out, "helps me keep what's left of my hearing." He smiled.

"Ah, understandable" Sheldon agreed.

"Did you want something?" The man stood there with the vacuum turned off and an arched brow. Penny stood there as well wondering what Sheldon was doing.

"Well yes, I noticed the stage is pretty new so I wondered what this building was before the stage was put in."

The older gentlemen stood up the vacuum and clapped his hands, "very observant I'm impressed!"

"Yes well…" Sheldon began before the older gentleman interrupted him, "the stage was built in 1975, before that it was an abandoned building. When this building was built in the 1880's it was an insane asylum and hospital. Spooky, huh?"

Sheldon paled and Penny groaned before putting her hand to her head and holding her temple. "An insane asylum and a hospital" Sheldon asked. "Oh good lord" he screamed before covering his mouth with his elbow and running outside of the door.

Penny could hear "save yourself, save yourself, save yourself!" Being screamed from the other side, she groaned.

"Why would you do that? Why?" Penny groaned, "That man there who is freaking out outside" Penny pointed to the door and the older man nodded, "is the smartest man in the world, but, when you tell him things you have to be gentle."

Penny raised her hand to stop him from interrupting, "an ex of mine once told me you need to ease him into things like a fish in a plastic bag when you are trying to put it in a new tank. You let the bag sit in the tank awhile before putting it in." Penny paused, "Sheldon is exactly the same."

"Okay, but what are the chances of me having to speak to the young man again?" He asked while pulling out another pair of cotton balls for his ears.

"Oh believe me, now that he knows the history of the building…well, he won't let it go. Be prepared." Penny walked out of the building to find Dr.-Whack-A-Doodle outside once the vacuum had started up again. Quite an interesting night really, nothing was ever dull with Sheldon.

**000000**

Penny felt beautiful. She was currently wearing a long lightly muted gold gown which fit her like a glove on top and then flowed nicely out on the bottom. To dress it down a bit, Penny wore her hair down and curly with natural makeup and small heels. No jewelry was needed since it was such a dazzling color.

Who would have thought Sheldon could pick out symposium attire?

The mall had been a fiasco full of condescending "Penny please" and "no Sheldon, put that back!" phrases screamed throughout the day, but in the end they agreed to a simple black and white business suit for him and a golden gown for her.

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny_

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny_

_Knock, knock, knock._

_Penny_

Penny quickly made her way to the door, enjoying the way the material swished around her legs and how her heels clicked on the hard wood floors. No matter how old she was, she still loved the sound of her heels clicking. She opened the door and clutched her hand to her chest smiling. Sheldon looked so _normal _and _handsome._

Sheldon was standing on the other side, looking down at his feet, wearing the beautiful black and white business suit. He shuffled his feet, "I feel like a clown."

"You are way too sexy to be a clown Sheldon." Penny opened the door wider and let him in. "I'm going to spend half the night pulling science girls away from you, especially those clingy college interns!"

Sheldon inhale laughed, "I think Raj and Howard would join you if other girls hit on me. They would hate if _I_ was the one being noticed by the opposite sex."

Penny laughed aloud too. "True."

"Penny, even though I picked out the dress and knew how well you would look in it. I must say, you look beautiful tonight and thank you for agreeing to come with me."

"I'm happy to be joining you Sheldon." Not that he had allowed her to have much of a choice, but she never would have said no. Never. "Are the others meeting us there?"

Sheldon nodded, "Raj and Howard are going together and Howard's girlfriend is going to be meeting us there a little late" Sheldon checked his watch, "we need to get going its 6:15."

"Oh, okay!" Penny walked quickly to her room and retrieved her black cocktail purse. She checked herself in the mirror one last time and evened out her natural lip gloss. She walked back in to see a pacing Sheldon, "what time does this thing happen to start?"

"We have to be there by 8:00." Penny stopped and stared at him, "8:00? Sheldon 8:00 pm in the evening… seriously? It takes us fifteen minutes to get there and you have me worried an hour and some-odd minutes earlier?"

"Penny" he stopped pacing, "if we take the Pasadena freeway from Oaklyn Avenue and then catch traffic it could take us forty-five minutes to get there."

"We aren't taking the freeway Sheldon!" Penny opened her purse and snatched her keys before clicking to her apartment door and opening it making hand gestures to get him to walk out. He did.

"What?" Sheldon exclaimed, "That's even worse! Say you take Oaklyn Avenue which as you know has a lot of traffic at 6:00 pm, and then you turn left onto Sunset Blvd. That's already thirty minutes and you aren't even halfway there! After that you would need to get onto Grand Canal before taking a left on Cypress St!" Penny waited for Sheldon to calm down.

"Fun fact, do you know the most popular street name?"

Penny shook her head after locking the door and adjusting her purse.

"It's Second Street" Sheldon held out his arm for her to clutch, she smiled, "most people think it is first street, but actually first street is always renamed as the town gets older into main street or something along those lines. So, Second Street is the most popular street name."

Upon reaching the lobby, Penny reached up and kissed Sheldon lightly on the cheek making sure to not leave any glossy residue, "that was very interesting Sheldon. Thank you."

They approached Penny's car, Sheldon ran to Penny's side and opened her door. "My mother taught me this was social protocol when a woman offers to drive." Sheldon then ran back to his side of the car before getting in and staring at her dashboard.

"Your check engine light is on!" He quickly locked his seatbelt and braced himself with one arm clutching the ceiling and the other clutching the door handle. "I refuse to die in this car; I thought you said you would get it fixed."

"Sweetie" Penny said slowly as if speaking to a five year old, "the engine is fine. I had it checked out weeks ago (she hadn't but he didn't need to know that) now you got me all dressed up to see a symposium, how else do you want us to get there?"

Sheldon lowered his hand from the door handle, but continued to grip the ceiling. He shook his head, "just start the car Penny. The sooner I get out the better I will feel."

Penny started the car and adjusted her dress around her legs. _Who knew driving in heels and a long dress could be so difficult? _SARCASM!

They arrived at the symposium fifty-five minutes later. After a lot of promises and yelled accusations Penny and Sheldon dropped the car off in valet and walked inside the hotel lobby. Sheldon adjusted his tie loosening it a bit where Penny and clutched it while threatening his life. All he had said was if she had _listened to him_, they _wouldn't_ have been late!

A mistake he would try _not _to make again.

"Well, holy hell Sheldon!" Penny stood in the middle of the hotel lobby taking in the Crystal Chandeliers, the maroon silk covered walls, and the black and white marble covered floors. "Now I don't feel quite so dressed up!" Just as she said that, two women walked out of what Penny assumed was the ladies room, and through another pair of doors. Both of them were in long dresses and dressed to impress like she was.

"Who is this guy again?"

"Doctor Markowitz." Sheldon responded before raising his arm again and allowing her to grasp it.

"Yeah...yeah I know his name" Penny took in the view again before looking at Sheldon, "but this doesn't seem like your typical scene in the physics world."

"Mm… _yes_" Sheldon exclaimed, "Doctor Markowitz is a Nobel Prize winning physicist who is highly regarded when it comes to black holes and galaxies." Sheldon and Penny walked through the doors and entered a ballroom-type atmosphere. "The last time Doctor Markowitz had a symposium Steven Hawking and President Obama attended, so don't be surprised if you see celebrities and what-not."

"Oh my God Sheldon, why didn't you tell me? Look at my roots, if I had known I would have had a touchup on my hair" Penny went to run her fingers through said roots while looking frantically around the room, but Sheldon stopped her.

"Hmm…who knew?" He sighed in mock exasperation.

"Who knew what?" Penny whispered while turning every which way trying to find celebrities and Presidents.

"Who knew Ms. Corn-Queens-Court was such a _coward_?"

Penny stopped her movement and squared her shoulders while glaring at Sheldon, "I am _not_ a coward."

"Well, aren't you supposed to be the next Pasadena celebrity? Look at you scared and jumpy. As my Meemaw always used to say, "you can't be scared if you don't take the flying leap of faith" and you should listen to my Meemaw."

"Sheldon this is not how you are supposed to talk to your date" (It technically wasn't a date, but what else was she supposed to call herself. His escort?) Penny said the last bit from her clenched teeth; "I could come over there and kick your nerdy ass."

Sheldon had a mischievous look in his eyes and raised both is arms out in surrender, "you could try, but first you'll have to catch me." Penny laughed out loud as Sheldon bolted to her left and ran to the back of the room where Howard and the gang were standing. She watched Sheldon raise his left eyebrow in question as if preparing for a duel.

Penny adjusted her cocktail purse and started in pursuit to follow Sheldon who immediately bolted to another part of the room hiding behind the atom shaped ice sculpture (Really? Like they weren't nerdy enough?) Penny dodged and ran in the same direction. Sheldon ran back to where Raj was, but Raj pushed him slightly away laughing.

Sheldon waited for Penny to get closer before he ran to the center of the room, shook the hand of Doctor Markowitz, and proceeded to run to the live band. That was when Penny caught him.

"Penny" Sheldon glared while wheezing, "How did you get over here?"

"You posed for a picture and a handshake in the middle of our chase!" Penny quietly laughed, "You don't think I'm _that _slow do you?"

Sheldon shrugged which earned him a light slap on the shoulder, "guess not." Sheldon inhale laughed, "I knew bringing you tonight would be boring."

Penny glowered.

"Once again you have fallen under one of my humorous pranks" Sheldon inhale laughed again, "bazinga!" Sheldon stopped laughing when Penny reached over and pulled his head down for a kiss. Penny's kisses were getting addicting and he was also starting to get used to them. Though he still couldn't figure out why they occurred when they did.

No formula would ever help him understand Penny, _he had tried_.

Penny quickly let go and rubbed Sheldon's lips with her thumb trying to get all the gloss off. This probably wasn't the most appropriate time to kiss Sheldon, but he _had_ just told a sarcastic joke. Sheldon Lee Cooper had told a joke, and then laughed, it was charming.

You would kiss him too if he was standing in front of you in the suit, don't lie!

"Penny…" Sheldon whispered before touching her forehead with his. She closed her eyes.

"Sheldon…" Penny whispered and swayed slightly to the music, "come dance with me?" Sheldon continued to hold her not moving, but not pulling away as Penny swayed and moved back and forth.

**0000000**

"Well I'll be hot damn, I never thought I'd see the day" a loud heavily southern accented man exclaimed, "I must go home and call momma she will never believe Sheldon Cooper "Pooper Scooper" is with a woman."

Sheldon broke away from Penny, "What? No one has called me that since…" Sheldon turned around and was stunned into silence by the man before him. There stood Michael Haring his third grade bully wearing a suit. Michael approached him and held out his hand.

"Since third grade right? Hey Sheldon long time no see."

"Obviously" Sheldon muttered shaking his hand lightly before reaching for Penny. Penny squeezed back before moving to Sheldon's side.

"Hello, I'm Penny and you are?" Penny held out her hand to the gentleman in front of her. She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Whoever this guy was clearly upset Sheldon and no one was allowed to upset Sheldon unless it was one of the members of the gang, or herself.

"Michael Haring sweetheart" Michael bent down and kissed her hand, "now how did Sheldon get someone as lovely as you?"

Penny took her hand back and openly rubbed it on her dress before gripping Sheldon's arm. She ignored his question, "what do you do for a living Mr. Haring?" Penny tried not to notice Sheldon twitching, but it was difficult.

"I am the manager for the cleaning services in these hotels, what do you do Sheldon?" He smiled.

Penny responded for Sheldon, "Doctor Sheldon Cooper is researching string theory versus loop quantum gravity." Sheldon looked down at Penny and smiled at her still remaining speechless. Penny smiled back, "someday Sheldon will win a Nobel Prize and forever be considered one of the greats!"

Sheldon leaned in to Penny and whispered, "very good Penny, there's hope for you yet!" Penny rolled her eyes.

Michael Haring scoffed, "so you're still doin' that science stuff then? My momma always said you were crazy, I guess it wasn't a phase.

"Science _stuff_" Sheldon exclaimed, "I'm changing the world one experiment at a time and all you are doing is cleaning it." Penny squeezed his arm again, "I apologize for any of the maids who are here tonight, they do exceptional work and I don't know where we would be without them." Penny nodded (sometimes Sheldon needed to remember the "little" people), "but I pity anyone who works with you."

Sheldon gripped Penny again before turning and making his way to the rest of the gang who were sitting down and eating appetizers. Penny looked up and smiled at Sheldon. _What were the chances of both men coming from a small town in Texas ending up at the same Black Hole symposium in Pasadena?_

**000000**

Penny and Sheldon arrived back at the apartment a couple hours later. Penny was exhausted. The moment Sheldon opened the door; Penny dragged herself to the couch and removed her heels. The symposium had been quite eventful. According to Sheldon the speech was a huge success leading to a million dollars in donations for more research and funding. Penny had been bored out her mind by that point and made small talk with Bernadette instead.

Penny rubbed the soles of her feet with her hands and laid back against the couch. "Thanks for inviting me Sheldon that was fun."

"Yes, it was rather exciting wasn't it?" Sheldon loosened his tie and sat down in his spot sighing in content.

"Someday that will be you sweetie." Penny yawned and felt herself getting more and more comfortable in the couch. She blinked trying to fight sleep, but yawned again.

"I hope so" Sheldon whispered murmuring beside her. He too was fighting exhaustion with lots of blinking and twitching. "G'night Penny" Sheldon muttered before snuggling deeper into the couch.

Penny didn't respond, except for a gentle snore.

Penny awoke to the sound of a squeaking pen. She rubbed her eyes gently and yawned. She wasn't surprised to see Sheldon at his whiteboard writing another long equation she didn't understand. This one looked a lot less squiggly than the one she had seen the first day.

Sheldon muttered as he wrote on the board, "R equals 2 pie times R to the L power subtracted by ½." Penny had no idea what any of that meant and quietly made her way from the couch to the bathroom. The first thing she did upon entering was tie her hair back using a random rubber band she found on the floor. Next, she brushed her teeth using a tube of Leonard's old toothpaste and her finger. It felt quite odd to do all of these things in a gold gown, but no way was she going to wait until she went home. Penny washed her face laughing quietly at the shape of it…a lightning bolt.

She returned to see Sheldon still hunched over the whiteboard. Unlike her he had changed at some point into a baby blue shirt with the avenger's logo and a gray long sleeved shirt underneath. Penny walked up him.

"So you're like one of those beautiful mind genius guys?" She walked up to the board and stood across from him.

Sheldon who had been writing tiny little squiggles on the bottom of the board, smiled before standing up to lean against the board. He moved a little closer to Penny, "yeah" he murmured.

Penny chuckled and reached across the board to touch his cheek.

"Penny" Sheldon began, this time not in a condescending tone, but more in wonder. "That day I wanted to ask you something and now I think it is the perfect opportunity."

Penny arched her brow but allowed him to continue.

"Penny" Sheldon paused, "I like you, want to come over on Halo night?" Penny didn't give a response and just stood there blinking. "Err…"

"Sheldon, I already come over on Halo night."

"No, I mean as my…_date_. Penny would you go out on a date with me?" Sheldon closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. Penny jumped him.

"Hell yeah" Penny exclaimed before kissing Sheldon's cheeks, forehead, and temples in loving little gestures. Her lips barely grazed his skin, but it caused him to laugh and squirm. It tickled! She wrapped her arms around his neck and tucked in for a bear hug.

**000000**

**Sorry if I veered away from the actual characters a bit in this chapter. I wanted to take them out of the science labs and into places we have never been before with TBBT. Someone asked me where I based this "Sheldon" from, I really based him off the first six episodes of TBBT where he was a little more alpha-male and more flirty. I then add in a lot of his quirky little tendencies and mannerisms we have picked up in the last couple of seasons. Penny is based on her current character with an extra dollop of sweetness because I sometimes find the last couple of seasons of Penny to be bitchy. **

**I hope this was long enough to make up for the last chapter. I decided this chapter needed to be focused on Penny and Sheldon and exclude any Leonard drama. That will be coming shortly (sorry, he can't be gone forever…but, he will never date Penny again. I swear!) **

**I plan on making these two very touchy feely (you know in Sheldon sized doses). In my opinion, Sheldon would do that if he wasn't with a girl exactly like him (Amy) and if he understood the social protocol. I also believe it is fun to make Sheldon have a less quirky and more lovable side. **

**SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER. **


	9. Chapter 8: Teaching

**Chapter 8: Penny does Physics **

Oh my GOD! I got my computer back! *Throws brand new chapter at wonderful readers* read my lovelies, read! Anything misspelled will be fixed tomorrow.

**0000000**

Penny knew the minute she set foot into Sheldon's office it had been a mistake. Luckily Sheldon was nowhere to be seen otherwise this would have been a complete bust. She had a plan and she needed other scientists besides Sheldon to help. She walked in to see Raj reading a sappy teenage romance book the kind with the one word title and an obscure picture in front. Raj squeaked and proceeded to hide under the table as she was closing the door. Typical.

Penny took a seat in the chair opposite the desk and rolled her eyes, "I don't care about what you are reading, and I need your help." Penny had decided (after many arguments with herself) to ask Raj and Howard to teach her Physics before she went on her first date with Sheldon. How do you impress a genius? Not with looks, with science!

Although, there was a high probability he wouldn't notice her efforts anyway.

Penny tried not to laugh as Raj lifted himself up slightly from the floor. He looked like a cat on the prowl with his eyes leveled on the desk glaring at her and his hair pointing up on all ends. He lifted his eyebrows as if to say "how can I possibly help you when I can't talk to you" although it could have been, "please leave so I can return to my story with an angel on the cover in peace."

Penny bent down to place her purse beside her feet and folded her hands on her lap. She leaned her head forward, "look, I'm sure Howard has told you Sheldon and I are trying to go further in our relationship." Penny watched as Raj blushed and nodded. It shouldn't be this difficult to ask for help. In the old days all she had to do was dress in sexy lingerie to make her man happy, now she had to learn theories and equations just to surprise him.

"Well, Sheldon has never dated anyone before…" Penny reached up and pulled her hair behind her ears, "I want to make sure I can understand what he is talking about sometimes. I never tried with Leonard, I want to try with Sheldon."

Raj rolled his eyes and shifted his weight around so he could get up and sit back in his seat. He scrunched his face trying to respond to Penny. What he wanted to say was it didn't matter if Penny understood Sheldon (no one did) Sheldon would be proud of her. Who would have ever thought Sheldon would go on a date with a woman? Much less a woman who wanted to go above and beyond to make him happy and _what the hell was that about?_ What came out of his mouth was "eeh…er…date." He reached up and held his throat as if those few words had been ripped out of him.

Raj looked around the office and clapped when he found a smaller white board on the floor. He picked it up and a red marker before writing. He felt like he was doing practice problems in elementary school in front of his teacher. He turned the board around and watched as Penny read his response.

"_He won't care."_

Penny smiled, "I know, but I want to do this for us." Raj nodded and turned the board around before erasing it. He pondered for a few moments trying to decide the correct response to give Penny with the least amount of words.

"_Ok, how can I help?"_

"Teach me Physics; help me understand what Sheldon does for a living!" Penny frowned slightly as Raj dropped the board running his hands through his hair pulling slightly at the roots. Sheldon couldn't even teach a group of Doctorate researchers Physics without being flipped off by the entire class and now his job was to teach Penny about Physics? What had Raj done in his former life to deserve this? Somehow in his next life he should be able to come back as Hercules with a huge penis and wings. Especially if he was successful.

"I mean I know he is currently doing a project which keeps him here at all hours, what is the project for?" Penny hoped she was making sense, because frankly she wasn't sure how else to ask.

Raj reached over for the board and erased his former response. _"When do you want to start?" _

Penny fidgeted around messing with her hair and her dress before responding to Raj's written question, "um…now?" She knew she had an arched brow and was basically poised on the edge of her seat.

Raj scrubbed the response rather angrily off the board before reaching into his pant pocket for his cell phone. He opened up the message board and sent Howard a quick text, "Penny wants to learn about Sheldon's job. Need you to help." Since Howard would enjoy seeing a man with selective mutism teaching a beautiful woman about science, Raj had a feeling a response from his best friend would occur in a matter of seconds.

He laughed as his phone vibrated on the desk, "be right there!"

He uncapped the red pen and scribbled on the board before turning it to Penny.

"Oh come on not Howard, why does it have to be _Howard_, couldn't you ask one of your other science buddies?" Penny huffed, "just make sure he doesn't hit on me" Penny raised her arm to stop his next written comment, "yes, I know he is dating a good friend of mine. It doesn't mean he has changed any when it comes to creepy comments!"

Raj smiled and shrugged.

He stood and picked up one of the empty whiteboards leaning against the wall on the floor. He positioned the board in front of Sheldon's currently used whiteboard. Well, one of Sheldon's boards. So far nine of the eleven boards were being used by Sheldon. He started writing everything he wanted to say to Penny before beginning (this was going to take some time).

"_Do you have a notebook or something to write down everything I tell you?"_ He turned around to look at Penny.

"No, why? It's fine, I can just memorize this. I am an actress after all!"

Raj frowned then turned back to the board. He wrote the single word, _"tests"_ underneath his first question and circled it before once again looking at Penny. He pointed to it and arched a brow.

"There is going to be a test?" Penny asked incredulously.

Raj, without turning around again, hit the board looking bemusedly down at Penny.

She gulped, "tests?" Raj smiled before turning away and walking towards one of the bookcases in the office. He retrieved one of Sheldon's old notebooks and handed it to her making sure to flip it open on an empty sheet.

Penny took it begrudgingly before leaning down to find a pen in her purse, _why did she ever think this was a good idea? _She sighed aloud as Howard opened the door and proceeded to sit next to her in one of the other chairs. His grin could make even the Cheshire cat envious with glee.

"So, what have I missed?" Howard fidgeted around looking from Raj to Penny and back. He bounced his knees up and down and barely contained a squeal of delight. He was going to enjoy every moment of this! Sheldon was such a lucky_ bastard_! His first relationship and he got to date the Prom Queen? And now said Prom Queen wanted to learn _science_? Lucky bastard…

"Raj just informed me there would be tests."

"Ah!" Howard smiled, "precede my good sir!"

Raj rolled his eyes before turning around and erasing some of what was on the board. He proceeded to write down a few notes for Penny, _"what is Physics?"_ He glared at her and her notebook. She immediately began to write down what he had written. He folded his arms waiting for a response.

"Penny, he isn't being rhetorical. The man wants an answer." Penny instantly looked up and shrugged. "That's why I'm here Raj; I don't even know what Physics is." Raj immediately capped the pen before running to Howard and whispering in his ear.

"Penny, what experience do you have in the world of science?"

"Ooh!" Penny wiggled around to face Howard, "I did the one with the frog! I dissected it." She nodded in affirmation taking their blank faces as shock rather than frustration, "yup, everyone else wanted to run away, but I gutted that thing like nobody's business!" Penny turned back around to face the board before Howard hit his face with his palm.

"Oh my God we are going to be here all night" he whispered into Raj's ear. Raj had turned increasingly paler and was continually nodding in Penny's general direction.

Raj walked up to the board once more a little more melancholy than before and answered the question written above, "_Physics is a natural science that involves matter and its motion through space and time and space-time along with energy and force."_ Raj stomped his foot to get Penny to focus once again on the board. He had caught her texting on her phone.

"Sorry Raj, sorry, Sheldon was just wondering if he needed to pick up some curry for me." Penny placed her phone into her purse before writing down the rest of the notes from the whiteboard. She raised her hand slightly in the air. Raj made a hand gesture for her to continue. She cleared her throat, "what is the difference between space and time and space-time?" She looked form Raj to Howard, "is that what Sheldon does, does he do experiments to find the difference?"

"Oh boy" Howard murmured from behind. Maybe dating Bernadette from the debate team instead of Penny the Prom Queen was the way to go. This was ridiculous.

**00000**

Penny was sitting on top of Raj holding the red dry erase pen in one hand and his scrawny little neck in the other. There was no sexual innuendos taking place at the moment and even Howard was too scared to bring up the fact that Penny was _literally_ giving Raj a lap dance.

"Listen here Raj and listen close, no matter how many times you hit and underline things on the whiteboard. I still don't understand what any of these theories have to do with Sheldon!" Penny gripped his sweater vest in her fist, "and you looking at me like I should already know this stuff is really pissing me off. Penny leaned in so close to Raj that his eyes crossed.

"Now, when I let you go I want you to start over and this time" Penny touched her nose to his and held the red marker closer to his face, "do not start with the definition of Physics. I get it. Natural science, motion through space, force and energy. Move on." Raj nodded and Penny let go slowly getting up from his lap before removing the red pen away from his face and placing it underneath the board.

It suddenly dawned on her she had defined physics, "Raj! I totally just got that didn't I?" Raj hesitated nervously glancing from Howard to Penny before smiling and giving her a thumbs up. He squealed when she raced towards him suddenly.

"Oh, Hun! I am so sorry okay…" Penny gave Raj a hug, "please continue I swear I will be on my best behavior."

**00000**

"Why is he yelling at me?" Penny wailed for the fourth time in the last twenty minutes. Howard was currently at the board underlining the same theory to the point he wasn't sure the ink would ever wash off. He had been trying to teach Penny for the last three hours the difference between M-theory (a branch of String Theory) and Loop Quantum Gravity.

"I am not" Howard realized he was indeed yelling and lowered his pitch, "yelling at you. Let's try this one more time Penny, how many dimensions are there in M-theory?" Howard watched as Penny blew her nose before answering. Every once in a while she would hiccup before rubbing the tear tracks down her face.

"Eleven?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Telling you?" Raj and Howard glared at her, "telling you" Penny responded.

"Great!" Howard beamed and wrote eleven next to the over-underlined M-theory. Howard jumped down from the chair he was currently using as a ladder to write on the board. He recapped the pen and turned to look at Penny, "now how many of these dimension are proven?"

Penny hesitated, this was where she always messed up, "nine?" Penny watched as Howard closed his eyes and sighed. Suddenly she remembered and bounced up from the chair pounding her hands on her hips, "hah! Got it, it's ten. Ten dimensions are proven and one is not. If the one that is currently not proven becomes proven it could hold the answer to all the other theories and all five string theory…" Penny paused to take a breath, "theories."

Howard walked up to her and gave her a high-five! "Very good! See? We knew you could have brains and beauty." Howard wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Stop it Howard," but she smiled at him and gave him a fist bump.

"I knew if I put my mind on it I could become a beautiful mind genius girl, at least for one conversation!"

Howard frowned slightly, "well not exactly. We still haven't taught you what Sheldon is currently working on."

Penny glared at him before tying her hair back in a messy bun. Six hours they had been doing this, for six hours she had listened to the squeaky dry erase marker make pages and pages of notes on white boards, she had been hit on by Howard who wanted to "bang her erasers," she had listened to the two of them bicker about her like old ladies. Yet she still hadn't been taught what Sheldon did for a living? It was time to get Junior Rodeo on the little nerds.

"Raj either hand me the red dry erase marker or run," she tried not to laugh out loud as Raj ran in to pretty much everything trying to escape her, but she only had eyes for the tight jean wearing man in front of her.

"Listen Penny…" Howard began not taking his eyes from her, "is there any chance I can get the same option?" Before she could respond Howard turned around and dashed down the hallway. Although ten minutes later she would feel ridiculous for how she acted, Penny chased them both through the science facility in the University. Penny wondered how many of the physicists and scientists heard her scream, "CASTRATION TIME" as she caught up with them in the cafeteria clutching their chests and each other.

**0000000**

"Ow, damn-it that hurts!" Howard winced as Penny applied pressure to a cut on his lip with iodine. It stung like hell and it was embarrassing. How would he explain this to his mother? He could always say he got into a fight with a bouncer when he hit on Bernadette. What better way to prove to your mother you were an adult than with lies and a bloody face? Nah, he better stick with the truth (skipping the part about the door and the woman's rear).

His mother always said he should never run inside. Who knew she had been right?

"Stop complaining, it's just a minor cut. Although, there will probably be some bruising." Penny placed a small bandage next on his lip before throwing out the little paper pieces that came with it.

"You know this is your fault right?" Howard got up from the chair he was currently occupying and stretched his arms and legs. Everything on him felt sore.

Penny scoffed, "it's my fault now that you ran into a door?"

"I was running away from you!" Howard immediately put his hand to his lip and gasped at the pain that followed from him yelling. He decided to scowl at Penny and close his mouth instead of yell.

Penny placed her hand on her hips, "I had already apologized you little weasel. I even bought you a Sprite and Raj a peach Fanta! You walked into the door as you were staring at a graduate student bending down." Penny smirked, "not my fault."

Howard looked at Raj who was drinking his Fanta and shaking his head at Howard.

"Fine" Howard muffled inaudibly before apologizing.

"Now please, I only want to be here a little while longer. I'm exhausted and I have work in the morning." Penny ran her hand through her pulled up hair causing the already messed up bun to partly fall out. She sighed, "Can you please in less than twenty minutes tell me what Sheldon is working on so that I can talk to him about it on our date?"

Howard and Raj turned around and headed for Sheldon/Raj's office without responding. Penny, no longer wanting to cause the men pain, followed suit.

**000000**

It was six in the morning. Penny was lying on the floor of Sheldon's office posed as if in a coffin. Howard was curled on top of Sheldon's desk facing Raj who was sprawled out in the desk chair. They had lasted until three am before passing out. Penny now had an entire notebook full of Physics notes to study, a massive headache from eye strain, and twenty text messages from Sheldon greeting her when she woke up. She checked the messages.

07:00 pm

_Penny, remember to get the hot mustard I like with my Thai food. _Penny rolled her eyes at this one.

07:35 pm

_I'm playing a vintage virtual game Zarf at the moment. It's as if I'm really there. Sometimes the best technology is my brain, don't you think? _

08:11 pm

_You usually respond to me faster than this. Either you are ill or you have been kidnapped. On a scale of Defcon movies where are you? Defcon 5 means no danger, Defcon 1 means I need to save you_. Penny smiled and continued to read the rest of the messages before calling him.

08:15 pm

_I'm going to assume this is Defcon 5 and you have just fallen asleep after another day at the Cheesecake Factory. _

08:30 pm

_Penny, I don't know the social protocol for this. Should I see if you are okay? _

08:35 pm

_WHERE ARE YOU PENNY? _

08:37 pm

_ARE YOU HURT?_

11:21 pm

_You are ruining my eight hours of rem cycle sleep needed before I go to work. Please call me as soon as possible. _

Penny felt incredibly guilty and rushed to call Sheldon. The one time she had forgotten to take her phone off silent before placing it from her pocket to her purse (after Raj had caught her texting) and Sheldon had been worried. Part of her felt like crying a little for him, for someone who people thought had the emotional range of a teaspoon, he sure loved to be her knight in shining armor.

Penny listened as the phone rang on the other line. She heard a large clang followed by, "danger, danger." No doubt Penny had just involuntarily forced Sheldon to wake up since that was his usual response when something unexpected happened.

"Sheldon its Penny" she whispered. "Sheldon?"

"Penny?" Sheldon yawned on the other end, "Why are you calling me? Why is my phone on the floor?" Penny laughed lightly and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She gasped as a wave of pain radiated from her back. Plain carpet floors were not comfortable past the age of fifteen.

"Wait, where were you?" Sheldon went from groggy to one hundred percent functional in less than two seconds. _Jealous! _

"I was hanging out with some friends and I left my phone on silent after work. Sorry Sheldon."

"Penny" Sheldon began, "although I don't know why I'm surprised. You can't keep your apartment clean, why in the world would I think you could answer a phone?" Penny could practically see the smug look he was giving her from his bed.

"Hey!" Penny began to move out of the office when she saw Raj and Howard twitch after her exclamation. She quietly closed the door behind her and leaned against it, "don't be so rude in the morning Sheldon, geez."

"Oh I'm sorry Penny, are you saying I'm wrong in my assumption?"

Penny grit her teeth, "there is no assumption you are just being a jerk."

"Yes well, at least I can answer the phone." Penny banged her head against the door before rubbing her temples. Sheldon's best form of revenge was being…_Sheldon_. This early in the morning it was enough to cause even the sanest person in the world to want to kick something. By this point she would kill for a hot cup of coffee, some aspirin, and a pillow to punch.

"I worried about you Penny" Sheldon murmured before yawning in her ear.

"I'm sorry I scared you Sheldon." Penny heard silence on the other end and waited for a response. She wondered if he had fallen back asleep.

"Did you remember to get my favorite hot mustard from the market? Tonight is Thai food night."

**0000000**

Leonard awoke next to a beautiful blonde with a quirky sense of humor and a great smile. Her name was Alexey or Alexia something more than Alex and she was a waitress from Big Boy. They had met the night before when she had taken pity on his woes and troubles. Who knew telling other women he had been dumped for another man was an aphrodisiac?

Someone should have told him this long ago.

Alexey murmured in her sleep and moved around his side to nuzzle and get closer. He wrapped his arm around her and rubbed his face on the crown of her head kissing her lightly. Since the whole break up scene and the moment one of his girlfriend-to-be's kissed him at the comic book convention, Leonard had been too afraid to go home. Yes he was an ass and yes he deserved this, but he was currently the only homeless physicist in Pasadena, at least to his knowledge.

Leonard had been sofa hopping with random women night after night just to get through. At some point he knew he had to go home to face his friends. If they could still be considered his friends after everything they had been through and after everything he had done.

The last time Leonard had felt this lost was in the 7th grade. For weeks he had been working on a project which tested the effects music had on plant growth. His mother had claimed the same experiment was done by his older brother thereby making his experiment a copycat and repeat. However, she chose to say this in front of his entire class at the Science Fair rather than at home. It had been one of the most embarrassing moments of his life and he had never felt more alone.

That was how he felt at the moment and even though he deserved it, it still hurt.

"Mm" Alexey whispered from beside him, "How are you Lenny?" She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek before wrapping her leg around his front.

"It's Leonard" he began squinting in her direction.

"Does it matter?" She murmured before kissing his neck and nipping lightly on the lower part next to his ear. She nipped and licked, nipped and licked slowly moving to the rim to whisper a bunch of sweet suggestions. He squirmed and laughed lightly, "how long do you want to stay Lenny? Do you have to go soon?"

Leonard wrapped his arms around her slowly moving her so she was below him, "Lenny can stay."

Thirty minutes later Leonard hopped into the shower adjusting the temperature as he went in and analyzed where he would go next. The best thing to do would be to go to Sheldon's apartment and try and make amends. Worst case scenario he would just get his stuff and move out. He hoped it didn't come to that, but who knew.

Leonard quietly got dressed and left Alexey asleep in bed. Hopefully she wouldn't feel used when she woke up, but sometimes women took things a little more personally than they should. It had been fun, but she wasn't the blonde he wanted. He wanted Penny, but Penny didn't want him.

Leonard walked to his car and headed down Cyprus Street to his old apartment. Penny's car was missing from the parking lot and there was no sign of Raj's Hybrid or Howard's scooter. Leonard felt as if things were finally going in the right direction. Instead of being scrutinized by everyone at once he only had to deal with Sheldon. Leonard opened the door and fixed the 'Out of Order' sign covering the elevator. He glanced at the stairs and began the journey to the third floor. Every step felt like a death sentence.

Upon reaching his floor, he glanced over to see Penny's apartment. Sometimes he missed Victor/Victoria (actually Louise/Louis) his former neighbor. Things were a lot less complicated before he met Penny. At least back then he had friends.

He knocked on the door quietly at first, but louder as he received no immediate response. "Sheldon it's me" he ventured waiting to hear some sort of noise from the other side. He smiled as he saw a shadow from the small space below the door.

"Sheldon? It's Leonard."

Sheldon partially opened the door and glanced up and down at Leonard, "Hello Leonard."

"Hello Sheldon, can I come in?"

"You _can_ do anything you set your mind too Leonard," Leonard smiled and took a step closer to Sheldon waiting to be granted access. Sheldon continued as if there had been no physical response from Leonard, "you _may_ not come in however."

"Sheldon I came here to apologize for my actions. I miss my friends."

"Oh Leonard" Sheldon began sarcastically, "well then come on in! I'm sure Penny will be more than pleased that you apologized to _me_."

"Really? Great! I miss playing video games with the gang."

"Bazinga! I don't care." Sheldon slammed the door on Leonard's face ultimately pleased with his decision. If Leonard thought he could come back into their lives easy peasy, well, he was an idiot. Sheldon listened to the frantic knocks on the other side of the door and the constant swear words by his former best friend.

As if the word_ fuck _would make you open a door? _Stupid._

"Come on Sheldon, what do I need to do to make up for this?" Sheldon leaned against the door and responded, "Well for one thing you can apologize while the whole gang is here and not just when you know I am home."

"Oh come on, I had no idea it would just be you!" Leonard continued making noise.

Sheldon opened the door a crack, "oh please Leonard. Lots of things have changed since you left, but the one constant in this variable is my schedule. That my former friend will never change." Sheldon twitched and closed the door locking it.

"We are done here Leonard. You want to apologize, come another day."

"Sheldon this is ridiculous."

"No ridiculous is paying thirty-five dollars for the Hulk on DVD special edition. Ridiculous is having William Shatner not be part of the newest Star Trek movie. _This _Leonard, _this_ is just manners!"

**000000**

"Did you remember to get my chicken diced not shredded even though the menu says shredded?"

"Yes" Penny responded lifting the box of food out of the paper bag.

"Brown rice instead of white" Sheldon asked before he reached for his food.

"Yes Sheldon, I got you brown rice."

"Low sodium soy sauce?" Sheldon leaned in and frowned at Penny's guilty expression. "Aw Penny, you forgot the low sodium soy sauce? Now all I have is spicy mustard and my meal, how on earth will I be able to make my signature sauce? You can't have one without the other!" He scoffed and sat down in his spot staring regretfully at his meal.

"For God sakes Sheldon get over it, she made a mistake!" Howard opened his white carton and inhaled his Mooshu pork. Mooshu was so delicious; it didn't even matter if his mother would hate him for all eternity. Damnation and an angry mother were well worth the price of Mooshu pork.

"And you said I didn't learn anything from my acting classes" Penny picked up the last item from the paper bag and threw it in Sheldon's general direction. "Here is the low sodium soy sauce." She gave him an air kiss and sat down in the wooden chair across from him.

Sheldon glared. Raj giggled slightly and leaned in to whisper to Howard who laughed right along with him. "You're right" Howard exclaimed.

"What did he say" Penny asked while scooting the peas from the noodles in her Chow Mein with chopsticks. Even though she hated the little green balls of mush, after ordering for Sheldon she never had the heart to make her specifications and requests. It seemed like slave labor for the chefs and so unfair.

"He said it amused him how you two quarrel like an old married couple."

Penny and Sheldon responded at the same time. Penny with, "Aw one thing at a time Raj" and Sheldon with, "we are so not a married couple" Penny frowned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean Sheldon?" She chewed her food slowly while staring at him.

"Oh no offense to you Penny, but if we were a married couple you would give me tea and snicker doodles." Sheldon lowered his food and gave her a puzzled look, "do you have tea and snicker doodles?"

Penny tried not to smile, why would a married couple just have tea and snicker doodles? "No Sheldon, I can't say that I do."

Sheldon shrugged and returned to his meal, "then we are not an old married couple."

Penny smirked, "you know an old husband could go buy some cookies and tea sweetie."

Sheldon inhale laughed, "I want a divorce."

With a deadpan expression Penny responded, "Fine on the way to the lawyer you can get some tea and snicker doodles." They both exchanged glances and laughed. Howard watched bemusedly. These two were such _nerds_!

"So glad we got that covered" Howard smirked and began to eat his pork deliciousness murmuring in content with every bite.

"So, has anyone heard from Leonard lately?" Penny finished her meal and took a swig of water from her water bottle. She regretted asking when Sheldon froze mid bite before placing his utensils and meal on the table.

"Yes, he came by earlier today. He thought by apologizing to me, we would all forgive him." He rubbed his hands on his pants and snuggled into his spot.

"Why?" Howard asked incredulously, "we caught him in the act! If anything he should apologize to Penny before returning and we know he doesn't have the balls to do that."

"Isn't Leonard your friend" Penny asked taking another sip.

"Yeah" Howard looked around nervous, "you are too." Raj nodded and continued to eat his meal.

"Awww thanks boys!"

"I still don't forgive you for the busted lip" Howard muttered low enough for Sheldon (who was staring at the ceiling for some unknown reason) not to hear.

"Castration practice" Penny muttered back just as quietly causing Howard to move around and adjust himself on the couch.

**00000000**

**Oh my! I posted this without triple checking because I JUST GOT MY COMPUTER BACK! There will be another chapter posted in the next couple days to apologize to my readers. Another LONG chapter. I have a new beta reader, so from the next chapter on this rock of a story will be a gem. Excited! LOVE LOVE LOVE. **

**Future events in chapter: **

**Raj and Howard build a robot.**

**Bernadette and Penny go shopping. **

**Sheldon and Penny first date. **

**Leonard apologizes. **


	10. Chapter 9: Sheldon goes Greek

**Chapter 9: Sheldon goes Greek**

So last week I was engaged and in a house this week I am single and in my own place. Everything is great; I just wasn't able to focus. Apologies. Here is chapter 9 and 10 was just finished yesterday. In case you are wondering about what Penny wears on her date with Sheldon, here is the dress I chose for her. Just remove the word (DOT) and replace it with (.) http:/www(DOT)summerdressesfashion(DOT)com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/cute-orange-summer-dress-2010(DOT)jpg

**00000000**

"So, don't you think it is a little strange to be buying six dresses for one date?" Bernadette shuffled through her fourth rack in the eighth store of the evening. Shopping with the living proof Barbie _does_ exist is difficult when with heels you barely reach five-feet tall.

"I'm not judging" Bernadette pulled a cute tailored dress from the rack and pressed it up to her front. _Nope_ too small in the boob department and a waste of time, Bernadette placed it back on the rack. There have been moments when a dress is worth trying on, but when the body is missing and it still can't cover both your breasts, is there really any point? No.

Penny stood next to the cash register with six credit cards in one hand and Sheldon's credit card in the other. She refused to use the damn thing, but her little Whack-a-doodle had decided it was 'social protocol' to buy your dates evening wear. If Sheldon ever decided to share his beliefs with other ladies she would definitely have to go all Nebraska on their asses, they would be all over him and his southern charm.

"You think my dress choices are a little much? Wait until we get to the shoe department." Bernadette laughed aloud while shuffling through a clearance rack this time and pulling a flowery dress up to her cleavage inspection.

"At least with Sheldon I can wear heels" Penny turned away from her friend and handed the cards to the lady behind the machine, "don't judge me just go through them all until you find the one that works. Believe me, I'm not too proud to hand you six credit cards." The woman smiled at her and nodded gently before swiping her Visa, then her Capital One card, before settling on her MasterCard.

How did she get a MasterCard?

Crap!

"Mam, what is the name on that card?" _Don't let it be Sheldon's. Please don't let it be Sheldon's._

"Doctor Sheldon Lee Cooper…" She paused before ripping the receipt from the machine. "I'm sorry, but it was the only one with enough money to buy the dresses." She rolled up the incriminating piece of paper before tucking it in-between Penny's new wardrobe then into the paper bag.

"Crap…I owe him so much money." Penny took the bag and the credit cards.

"Don't worry Sheldon lends people money all the time. Isn't that his one good quality?" Bernadette asked before shuffling over to Penny, "now where do we go for shoes before your hot date?" Penny smiled at the accentuated 'teh' in the word hot.

"Betsy Johnson or Steve Madden make the best shoes…" Penny wrapped her arm around Bernadette's shoulder and squeezed lightly, "by the way, Sheldon has a lot of good qualities. Not just the fact he lends people money." She directed her best friend to the right and outside of the store.

"Howie says Sheldon has really changed in the last couple months. I think that's sweet." Penny nodded and let go of Bernadette as they neared the store. "He has, he seems a lot calmer. Calmer for him anyway, but still crazy compared to the rest of the world."

"Can I ask you a question?" Bernadette sat down on one of the sizing chairs and sighed. Places like this never carried her size either.

"Sure" Penny placed four pairs of pumps down next to Bernadette's feet before walking in the opposite direction near flats. By this point every shoe salesman was looking at Penny as a potential piece of meat and salivating at the sales they could make.

"In all honesty, what do you see in him?" Bernadette folded her dress underneath her legs and watched Penny pull two pairs of sandals down from the rack. She shivered and rubbed her hands over her arms. _Not the day to forget my yellow sweater. _

"In all honesty, I could ask you the same thing about your significant other" Penny sat down across from Bernadette and laid out all her potential buys in front of her. Together she had six pairs of pumps, four pairs of sandals, and nine pairs of flats, each with a perfect outfit and scenario in mind (for example, the pair of silver pumps would look great at a club if she could get Sheldon to dance, or the pink flats with her black 'business suit' if she ever had to attend another lecture given by Sheldon).

"Oh, I know Howie comes off as a 'womanizer'" Penny tried to keep back the snort, "but he is really very sweet and charming once you get past his persona."

"Sheldon has a persona too. People always assume he is a cold-hearted robot and don't get me wrong sometimes he totally is, but other times he is the most vulnerable person I have ever met. He cares about his mother, he cares about his friends, and he will go out of his way to make sure you are happy. Although I'm sure he makes people happy just so he doesn't have to deal with changes in his schedule, but he is the sweetest man I have ever met and somehow I ended up becoming someone he wants to take care of, there is no way I am abusing that."

"Hm, I guess I can see the appeal." Bernadette giggled.

"Also, he looks sexy in a tuxedo."

"Really" Bernadette asked incredulously.

"Oh yeah, like a Ken doll for nerds everywhere."

"Err…that's not possible" a new voice from behind Penny muttered. Penny quickly turned around to see a young girl (late twenties) in a brown cardigan with slightly squinty eyes behind thick glasses and straight brown hair. "Why would you want a nerd version of Ken doll or any version of Ken doll? He has nothing in the genital area." The girl tipped her head sideways and regarded Penny with a look of awe.

"You are really beautiful with hair of pure gold" the girl looked down Penny's body, "and a more than ample bosom. Congratulations."

"Um…" Penny looked over at Bernadette who mirrored her amused expression, "thank you I guess. You are pretty too." Penny watched as a million emotions crossed over the brunette's face before landing on amazement.

"Are you a lesbian?"

"What? No, I'm not a lesbian."

"Oh, I would have been more flattered if you had been a lesbian." The girl quickly turned back around and resumed putting on a pair of brown loafers, "be honest, do you think these loafers bring out my best attributes?"

Penny looked down at the ugly pair of plain brown loafers (which matched the ugly brown cardigan,) "Yeah, I guess. You want to come over here and try on some shoes with my friend Bernadette and me?"

"Are we girlfriends now?" The voice became higher with excitement.

"Well, we can be _friends_…" Bernadette murmured before extending her hand in the other direction, "I'm Bernadette."

The other woman took her hand, "I know, the blonde-goddess just told me. I'm Amy Farrah Fowler, you can call me Amy." Amy reached over to Penny, "I'm Amy, your new best friend."

"Penny."

"So be honest, would you buy these brown loafers?" Amy pointed towards her feet and lifted them higher in the air so the other two women could see them properly.

"Here, try these instead" Penny reached down for a pair of strappy red heels and handed them to Amy. She tried not to stare at the incredulous look on the other woman's face. "No need to worry about the heel, these are only an inch high. Easy to walk in, easy to live in, and sexy! Every woman needs a pair of sexy sandals, right Bernadette?"

"Right!"

"You are a size eight right" Penny asked.

"Yes…" Amy continued to fiddle with the shoes. She took her right foot and pulled the loafer off of her left, then did the same for her right.

"Do you think my mother will think I am a prostitute for having red shoes?" Amy placed the shoes on her feet and stood up a little wobbly, "I must admit. I have never worn heels before. Women wear heels so they can appear better to the opposite sex." Amy wobbled a few steps in front of Penny.

"Try not to stare at my caboose in these shoes Penny as I walk away."

"I'll try not to watch your caboose as you _wobble _away."

"Funny and pretty? I have hit the mother lode in girlfriend prospects!" Amy tried her best to pace in the shoes. Mostly it was a step, shuffle, wobble. Step, shuffle, wobble and sometimes the wobble could be followed by an "ow."

"What do you think Amy" Bernadette asked Amy, "Do you think you will by the shoes?"

"I might." Amy took a seat beside Penny. "My mother and I have an agreement I will attend one date per year in exchange for her not asking about my love life." Amy pointed at the red heels, "with these I will be swatting men away like flies on a dung heap."

Amy smiled at Penny who smiled (a little more demurely) back at her. _Really, dung heap?_

"That seems…" Bernadette paused, "nice."_ Lonely_.

"I enjoy it." Amy removed the shoes and placed them carefully back into the box before folding the tissue back on top of them. Amy looked down at Penny's feet. She currently had one bright silver pump and one baby pink ribbon covered pump covering her feet. "Is there some fashion trend I don't know about?"

"What?" Penny glanced down and smiled at Amy, "No! I just don't know which pair of shoes I should buy. I do this so I can look at all of them on my feet."

"Oh. Practical."

"Yes. Oh screw it." Penny stood up, "excuse me please, I would like buy the two pairs of pumps I am currently wearing. The red heels my bestie Amy is wearing and three pairs of flats."

"Penny, how can you afford all that?"

"No idea..." Penny pulled out three more credit cards to go with her previous stack and made sure to stick Sheldon's back into her purse. No way was she going to listen to the 'Penny shoes that cost five-hundred dollars should come with their own personal cobbler' speech again.

**0000000**

"What should we name the robot?" Raj handed Howard a box of screws and some sort of wrench tool. It wasn't like he had to build the damn thing, it was all Howard.

"What does it matter what we name it? I want to see this thing kick some robot butt."

"Well the last time we had a robot and Sheldon signed it up for a competition, it was massacred."

"Ah yes, Monty." Howard adjusted the arm on the unnamed robot and tightened the last bolt. All it needed now was a fresh coat of paint and some beta tests and this robot would be finished. When Monty had fought in his first and last battle, his opponent had flames and size in his favor.

Unnamed robot had flames, size, and speed. Plus, a tiny red alien pin on its right arm (to match its maker of course).

"I think we should name him Zeus."

"Why, Zeus?"

"Why _not_ Zeus, think about it dude. He turned into a cow and slept with a woman. He is badass."

"Should we call him something more robot-ish like 'Spark' or 'Terminator?'?" Howard decided to ignore the odd reference with the cow and the Greek God and focus more on the real issue. The real issue being of course, their new robot baby's name.

"Sure if we want to _boring_" Raj rolled his eyes and pouted.

"Don't pout it makes you look needy." Howard put his tools back in the toolbox and locked them up. He rubbed his hands on his orange pants and stood.

"Where should we test him?"

"What's the point of pouting if I'm not needy?" Raj asked before standing up and placing Zeus delicately on the floor.

"Hallway or outside" Howard asked interrupting Raj before he could continue talking about why pouting worked for him.

"Outside would be better, what if we burned something in the apartment and Sheldon saw? I would definitely come back in the next life as a cockroach." Raj watched in amusement as Howard used the remote control to move Zeus to the door.

"Listen to those squeaks, that's the squeak of victory" Raj screamed before running in front of the little robot and opening the door, "run Zeus, run little buddy!"

"It shouldn't be squeaking" Howard exclaimed before glaring at Zeus (might as well go with it). "I'll have to change the bolts on the motor controlling his bottom half." Howard walked up to Raj and handed him the controls.

"What do I do with this?" Raj watched as Zeus did circles around Penny's door and the broken elevator. His little wheels creating divots and grooves in the carpet.

"Play around with him, I need to go to the restroom." Howard turned around and quickly made his way to the back of Sheldon's apartment near the bedrooms. He quickly glanced at the usual picture of Sheldon and his mother at graduation, before opening and closing the door.

Raj stood and fiddled with the remote. He pressed the control making the robot go forwards, backwards, side-to-side, and moonwalk. He had complete power over the little robot! _Complete power._ Raj pressed the control and fiddled with all the buttons on the side of the remote.

On the last button, the red one, Raj watched as his tiny robot quickly turned away from him and bolted to the stairs. "No Zeus no, Howard is going to kill me! What the hell are you doing? Stop!" He fiddled with the remote pressing every button before turning it over and opening the back.

Zeus continued towards the stairs.

"Ha!" Raj removed the batteries from the back and looked up. There was no tiny robot in his view, "Zeus?" he whispered.

"Zeus, where did you go?"

Raj squealed at the loud crash he heard on the bottom of the stairs. "Son of a bitch Raj!" He quickly turned around to see Howard fiddling with his belt buckle and zipping his fly before running into the hallway to stand beside him. "Why is it I can't leave a robot in the hands of someone else without it being murdered?"

"I'm sorry! I couldn't get him to go away from the stairs."

"That is the last time I allow anyone to touch my little machine."

"Dude, no one wants to hear about your little machine except for Bernadette."

"Oh, you think this is the time to make innuendos? You killed my robot you idiot."

"You're the idiot."

"Yeah, well say that to my face!" Howard placed his hands on his hips and glared.

"I just did." Raj scrambled down to the bottom of the stairs picking up the little broken pieces of Zeus before Howard could make another comment or attack him. The next time Howard built a robot he _should_ name it the Terminator or something, maybe then it would last.

**00000000000**

"Amy, what do you do for a living?" Penny slurped on her Orange Julius beside Bernadette clutching her bags of shoes and dresses closely towards her body. She couldn't wait to go home and try on all the outfits and shoes again.

"I'm puzzled by your choice of phrasing. I breathe oxygen like everyone else. I eat, drink, and have regular bowels. Thank you for asking." Amy took a sip of her orange juice and looked around the mall missing the expressions of disgust and amusement on her new friends face.

"Um no…I meant where do you work?"

"Oh! I'm a Neurobiologist at the University."

"Oh so you must know a lot of my friends" Penny exclaimed excitedly. "You must know Howard Walowitz, Raj Koothrapali, Leonard Holfstader, and my boyfriend Sheldon Cooper." Penny grinned, "You should come over one night for dinner!"

"Wow really? Eat dinner with you" Amy squealed. "Girls night!"

"Do you know my Howie?" Bernadette looked over at Amy.

"Oh no, not really. We all seem to remain social with the members of our department, like high school. I have only heard of one of those men."

"Sheldon Cooper?" Penny and Bernadette asked at the same time before chuckling quietly. It would make sense for anyone at the university, who isn't living under a rock, to have heard of Doctor Sheldon Cooper. Once you met him, you never really forgot him.

"No, Leonard." Amy stopped at one of the store windows and stared at all the pairs of shoes stacked on the bottom of the window. _Wonder how my mother would feel if I bought those clear stilettos and feather boas? No doubt faint upon my arrival. __**Note:**__ Test hypothesis as soon as possible. _

"Seriously Leonard" Penny asked incredulously before joining Amy, "don't buy any of those Hun. At first it will be like 'look at me I'm sexy,' then you will feel cheap and used and end up walking home in shame because some guy named Tom promised you he would take you to see his agent, but instead just plays the 'I'm here for you baby' card and makes you feel vulnerable." Amy looked over to see a glazed expression on Penny's face. _Interesting._

"Does looking at sluttly lingerie usually bring out this response in women? I wouldn't know, but I'm intrigued by the look on your face."

Penny returned back to reality, "no, not usually. You see I auditioned to be a hooker on the show 'Las Vegas' a few years back. I dressed for the part before arriving and still didn't get it. That was when Tom found me waiting to be picked up by Kurt and made his move."

"Is that why you and Kurt broke up" Bernadette whispered behind Penny and Amy.

"No, we were just friends at the time." Penny turned around to face Bernadette, "but Kurt and I broke up because he was an ass who cheated."

"Wow, my bestie could do so much better." Penny watched with admiration as Amy strolled on from the window clutching her shoes. Not a care in the world, just pure enjoyment.

"Well now she has Sheldon" Bernadette exclaimed, "the sexy nerd!"

"Better than Leonard, I would presume?" Amy threw out her Orange Julius and wiped her hands on her skirt.

"Yeah, how do you know Leonard?" Penny walked up and threw hers out as well.

"Oh, he slept with the head of my department and slept on another Neurologists' couch" Bernadette gasped causing Amy to giggle in exasperation, "I'm not one for gossip, but let me tell you, it caused quite a stir in the department." That wasn't a lie, although fascinated by the implications gossip seemed to have on one's social life. Amy never believed in spreading it.

"Wow, go Leonard" Penny muttered. Who knew Leonard had it in him?

"Yeah, so I have heard of Leonard. I would be interested to meet those other friends of yours."

"Well, you should come over sometime. Let's see, Monday night is Chinese food night and Wii bowling, Tuesday night is Big Boy double decker burgers and Halo, Wednesday night is Thai food night and new Comic books, Thursday night is…" Penny stopped at the look on Bernadette's face. She put her hands down (which she had been using to count off the days) and adjusted her stance.

"What?"

"Nothing, just amazed you remember all that."

"Of course" Penny continued counting off the rest of the days. This was her life now wasn't it? On Saturday she went to clubs and danced or sometimes she would go to an audition. There was her work schedule at Cheesecake Factory which seemed to have regular shifts instead of constant change week to week, which was nice. It was comfortable and still somewhat exciting.

The exciting part would always be Sheldon and their interaction together. No matter how mundane their week seemed to be, that was always changing.

She smiled as her phone vibrated in her jean pockets. She adjusted the bags to be on one arm and pulled out her phone. Two texts, one from Sheldon in two seconds, this had to be good.

_I don't understand why Howard thinks it is okay to bring up sexual protocols on dates when I am eating my lunch. _

"Howard is a Pig" Penny texted back immediately before going to the second message in her inbox.

_Penny this is Kurt, wanna meat for diner? _Penny laughed and reread the message. How in the world had she ever found the bone-head worth her time? He couldn't even spell the word dinner! She deleted the message and removed the trace of his number from her phone. Her hand buzzed again.

_He is a human so this cannot be true, though I understand the meaning behind it. He definitely needs to visit East Texas and see how they deal with his 'sense of humor.'_

"Howard and ur mom haven't been able 2 get along since she claimed he was gay with Raj."

_Your texting skills, once again, amaze me. Yes, that is true. Howard just told me I am supposed to know where I want to take you tonight. I have no idea. Have I already failed?_

"No you haven't failed. I kno where I want to go 2night."

_You spell things incorrectly to upset me. _

"Yupp."

_Because it amuses you?_

"Yupp!"

_Sarcasm?_

"Nope. : )"

_Damn, I'm 11 for 61 this month._

"At least it's the end of the month!"

_I am not amused. I'll see you tonight Penny._

"I'll be over at 6:30."

"Sorry, but what day should I come over for dinner?" Amy asked as Penny finished her text message and placed her phone back into her pant pocket.

"You can pick any day Amy we would love to have you."

"Can you repeat the dinner schedule again? I wasn't really paying attention at the time." Amy fidgeted with her skirt glanced at Penny. Having a new friend was a lot of pressure, she didn't want to disappoint her BFF forever.

"Do you have an email Ames? I have it in PDF format."

**000000000**

"Penny I can't believe you chose this restaurant as the place for our first date" Sheldon said behind the plastic menu. He leered at Penny from behind it clearly disappointed in her choice of restaurant.

Personally she didn't see the big deal; she had followed all the rules of a Sheldon approved restaurant. The forks were three pronged instead of four, she had made sure the napkins were dry cleaned on a daily basis, and the menus were dry instead of sticky. What aversion could she have possibly missed?

The décor was simple but elegant. Crystal glasses, white table cloths, family style tables, and friendly waiters who were constantly refilling his Dr. Pepper. Did he have a problem with 'too friendly' staff members? If so, they seriously needed to talk.

"Really, you can't think of any reason why I would not like this restaurant?" Sheldon took a sip of his Dr. Pepper and watched Penny. She looked beautiful today in a simple tangerine and pink summer dress. Her skin looked extra tan (like she had spent the evening by the pool instead of picking a suitable restaurant) and her hair was down and wavy just the way he liked. Completely beautiful.

"No I can't." Penny took a sip of her iced tea before scrunching her face and reaching for a packet of sugar.

"It's Greek food Penny! Greek food, I hate Greek food." The meat tasted like little shards of sweaty men. What kind of meal was pita bread and lamb? Lamb! Who ate lamb?

"How do you know you hate Greek food? Have you ever had Greek food?" Penny stirred the sugar into her cup and sipped it once again. She sighed in content and took another sip before raising a brow to watch Sheldon.

He folded his arms and tucked them close to his chest, "of course I have had Greek food Penny." Sheldon tried to hide his amusement at her facial expression. During his exclamation she had decided to mirror his pose before responding.

"How was I supposed to know that? We never have Greek food! Would you like me to repeat your week schedule of meals?" Penny glared.

"Why do you think it isn't on our weekly schedule Penny, I don't like Greek food."

"I think I have a way of salvaging this meal and my mind" Penny glanced at their waitress and motioned for her to come over. The other woman smiled at her and rushed over as quickly as possible.

"Refills miss" the woman asked with a heavy Greek accent.

"No, um, we would like two shots of the licorice tasting drink" Penny pointed from herself to Sheldon, "each."

"Penny I don't drink!" Sheldon exclaimed as the woman left the table to retrieve the four shots. So far, this evening was not going the way he had expected. He thought Penny would follow his nightly schedule and just insert herself into it. Maybe they would sit down together at his favorite Chinese bistro instead of ordering the meal to go, that was romantic right?

At least then he wouldn't have to worry about what Greek food would do to his bodily functions. Maybe he should bring that up with Penny!

He was only halfway into his explanation when she raised her hand to stop him, _well that was unnecessary_," no more about bowels please. Between you and Amy I have heard enough about bowel movements today."

Sheldon frowned, "who is Amy?"

"Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler she works at the University."

"Oh." Sheldon shuffled in his seat and reached for her hand. Raj had repeatedly told him to hold Penny's hand in he ever saw it lying on the table. Apparently it was in every romantic movie and that made it acceptable to do at dinner. He didn't understand the concept, but she seemed to enjoy it.

Penny smiled and rubbed her thumb across his knuckles.

"I think you would like her, she reminds me of you in a way" Penny smiled. "You sure you don't want to date her instead" she muttered only half kidding. Sure she was prepared to ask Sheldon about his work and respond with some interest (she had studied her notebook from Raj and Howard,) but she was an actress yet to make it big! Amy would be perfect!

"Please Penny, in what universe do people date someone exactly like themselves? " Penny leaned over to pat his cheek. _Well, there went my insecurities._

"Besides, I have spent an undocumented amount of hours changing my schedule to fit you in it. I wouldn't want to feel like that was a waste of time for an unsuitable mate." He continued through Penny's wide eyed glower, "that was a joke…"

He gripped her hand tighter, "you're welcome." He shrugged at her lack of response and looked around the room.

"Sheldon, you are ridiculous" Penny paused. Was Sheldon supposed to respond to this, or what this rhetorical ? "You say the strangest things and sometimes I don't know why we do this…" Sheldon tried not to hyperventilate. No one had warned him this could happen on a date! "but, I want you to know. I wouldn't change any of it even if it drives me crazy."

Penny then did her version of his inhale laugh and watched as he relaxed and beamed in return.

They both jumped as four shots were placed in the center of the table. Penny let go of Sheldon's hand and reached for the shot closest to her. The glasses were tall and then and literally filled to the brim with a strong licorice sent. "Okay Sheldon, pick up the shot."

"Penny, I don't drink!"

"Sheldon I picked an alcohol that tastes exactly like your favorite candy."

"Red vines" He questioned lifting one of the shot glasses and sniffing the alcohol. It even _smelled _strong.

"Close enough" Penny murmured before lifting her shot and downing it in one sip. "Woo! That was delicious." She placed her empty shot glass next to her second shot and waited for Sheldon to follow.

"Penny if I do this you have to promise me one thing." He sniffed the drink again and stared at it.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"You cannot tell my mother" he lifted the shot glass and swallowed the entire shot. Penny had to bite her hand to hold back the snickers as he swallowed and the proceeded to look at her with eyes the size of saucers. "Jeepers that was disgusting! How much alcohol is in a shot? I don't feel a thing!"

"Barely any at all…" Okay so 90% proof was bad, but at least he was enjoying himself. How bad could two shots be for him?

"Can we do another one, I like the warm feeling I suddenly have through my body" Sheldon asked before picking up the second shot glass and looking at Penny. She picked up her second shot and they took it together.

"BAM" Sheldon screamed while placing his shot glass back on the table. "My mind feels like it going a thousand miles per hour. What is science? What is life? What is love?" Sheldon rubbed his hands together and stared at her.

"What is love?"

"Not the point Penny, think about all the possibilities. If Einstein and…I can't even think of another scientist…procreated together, can you think about all the new scientific discoveries we would have had?"

"You mean like finding the missing dimension in M-theory?"

Sheldon stopped with his rant and focused on her. He looked at her with admiration and slight puzzlement, "what do you mean?"

"Well, if you find the missing dimension in M-theory, it could prove String Theory exists and thereby proving everything you have worked hard for."

"Penny" Sheldon uttered her name on a sigh, "I must say normally I find your quirky sense of humor to be incredibly entertaining. You are the bees-knees as it were, but right now? You are incredibly hot."

"Did you just call me hot?"

"Was that incorrect? I apologize that is what Walowitz has called many women on many different occasions. I thought it was appropriate."

"Okay first of all never call me anything Howard has called one of his 'women,' agreed?"

"Agreed" Sheldon reached for her hand again and gripped it.

"Second of all, I appreciated the endearment. Now, tell me something about your experiments testing String Theory…" Penny leaned in closer to Sheldon.

"String theory…" Sheldon didn't get any further in his explanation as Penny got closer to his mouth. He didn't know if it was the alcohol, her dress and bronzed skin, or Penny being Penny, but he wanted to kiss her. Sheldon moved his head a little more to left and brushed his lips across hers.

"String theory…" he began again before giving up and raising his torso a little to kiss her. This time Penny wasn't the one in control, _he was._ It was quite liberating.

**00000000**

Chapter ten (seriously) should be up in the next couple days. I swear to God. I just need to edit the damn thing. If you have stuck by me this long, I just want to say I LOVE YOU!

(I took 'Leonard apologizes' and moved it to the next chapter. I felt like it flowed better.)

**Future Events: **

**Leonard apologizes**

**Sheldon and Penny…do stuff (not all the way, Sheldon is NOT a whore). **

**Amy comes over for dinner…**


	11. Chapter 10: Move On Bridge to Next Ch

**Chapter 10: Time to move on.**

"Honestly, I don't know if you are just crazy and stupid or just crazily stupid" Howard said leaning against the apartment door watching Leonard push a loveseat up the steep incline of stairs. Oh yes, and by himself. "I honestly don't see why you are doing this." He crossed his arms and his legs.

"Look" Leonard wheezed, "I have to do something to show I am willing to accept they are a couple now." Or whatever they were. Was there a right definition when the other part of the relationship involved Sheldon?

"And your brilliant idea was to push a loveseat up three flights of stairs?" Howard laughed, "What a noob."

Leonard paused before groaning at the additional weight trying to push him down. Gravity was such a heartless bitch sometimes. Even though he had the loveseat resting on an incline plane which would ultimately reduce the required pushing momentum by fifty-percent, fifty-percent was still a pain in the ass when you weighed barely 150 lbs (give or take 5 pounds).

"No, my plan was to move a loveseat. My plan was _not_ to move it by _myself_."

"Hey" Howard smirked and moved away from the door, "you hurt our group with your stupidity. When you do that…" his smirk deepened, "you move things by yourself."

"You know the rules."

"There are rules for this?" Leonard panted and tried to shove the loveseat up the stairs.

"Piss off the blonde and Sheldor-the-Conqueror and be prepared for furniture wrath…" Howard scrunched his face, clearly making it up as time went.

"Shut up Howard" Leonard muttered before one last shove.

"I honestly don't see how a loveseat is an apology."

Leonard walked around the loveseat and took a seat happy with a job well done. He patted down the cushion next to him and waited for Howard to make a move. He didn't. "Well" Leonard began. Honestly, he didn't know really what to do and this had been one of his many ideas, "I thought maybe if they saw it they would know I support them being together. This could become their spot…"

It was better than his first idea, a hug. Honestly, how pointless would that have been?

"That is incredibly stupid and cheesy."

"Yeah" Leonard removed his glasses and wiped the sweat from his forehead before wiping his hand on his pant leg. "I know Sheldon won't understand the sentiment, but maybe Penny will."

"Still trying to make yourself look good in front of Penny, eh buddy?" Howard leaned over and pat Leonard on the shoulder before taking a seat next to him.

"How much of a lost cause can it be?" Leonard looked hopeful.

"Pretty lost man, they are on a date right now. Face it, move on." Howard glanced around the hallway in discomfort. He fidgeted and crossed his legs, "that cheesecake smelling goddess is officially off the market."

"You don't know that."

"Leonard, move on."

Leonard stood up quickly and tightened his fists. This was so _ridiculous_! Other people had to see how crazy of an idea Sheldon and Penny were together, right? I mean for God sakes Sheldon organized his cereal by fiber content, who did that? He only drank hot cocoa on months that ended in 'y,' he hated even numbers, and late at night sometimes he would measure his mucus intake just to make sure he wasn't coming down with the common cold! This was supposed to be the moment of Leonard and Penny, predictable and _normal_. "Come on! It's Sheldon! I mean-"he stuttered and flailed his arms, "its _Sheldon_ Howard. I mean what the hell!" He gave up on explaining himself and turned to face Howard.

"I can't lose to Sheldon, Howard."

"You lost when you cheated. The rest was just…" Howard shrugged, "an added bonus really. Well, at least for me and future generations of my offspring." He smiled like the Cheshire cat.

"You're an ass Howard."

"Kettle. Pot."

"Any ideas what I should do" Leonard asked.

"Yeah" Howard stood up, "get rid of this damn loveseat and grow a pair." He walked to the other side of the loveseat and stood at the top of the stairs looking down, "if you do it quickly we can catch the last time slot of The Avengers at the Howard approved movie theater."

"What is a Howard approved movie theater" Leonard adjusted his stance and began to slowly turn the loveseat in the direction of the staircase.

"One with a beautiful popcorn smelling goddess. Her lips may say, 'extra butter for fifty cents more' but her eyes are saying, 'pour butter down my body and have your way with me under the heating lamp' just you wait." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You're disgusting Howard." Leonard pushed the loveseat and watched it fall rapidly down the first flight. Going up he had been extra careful not to scratch anything. Going down, he didn't care if the damn thing split in half.

Howard waited at the bottom of the stairs and laughed out loud as a loveseat came flying in front of him before landing noisily on the floor. The red and pink floral covered legs grinding and swaying to and fro, "I can't believe you came up with this idea in the first place, and we thought Sheldon was the one who was socially handicap."

**0000000**

"Sheldon, what are you doing" Penny asked breathlessly against Sheldon's cheek. He was currently rubbing his lips gently across her jawline and down her neck. She leaned her head a little more to the side enjoying his—whatever this was. They were currently leaning towards each other across the table at the restaurant. Both of them were a little intoxicated and completely oblivious to the rest of the customers and onlookers.

Sheldon for once in his life, felt completely at ease with everything. Sometimes life was taken too seriously; there are times when you needed to have a little fun. Right? What is life without a little wimsy?

"I have absolutely no idea, but I find myself intrigued by how you are responding." He lowered his face down her neck continuing to not kiss her, just continuing the light nuzzle. She could feel his breath during his exploration and his curiosity. "For example, when I stop right here" he put more pressure on the spot between her collar bone and her shoulder, "I notice you breathe a lot quicker than normal. I can also see your pulse."

He kissed it lightly, "_fascinating_. Now…" Sheldon paused, "why on earth are you blushing?" He looked at her incredulously.

"This just feels like an out-of-body experience."

"Oh!" Sheldon quickly kissed her in the spot again and moved away. "I don't believe in all that mumbo jumbo. I would hope if you were having an out-of-body experience you would be able to answer all of our problems and solutions. You are not in two places at once, so I can't see how this can be so. Ultimately if this _was_ an out of body experience and you were able to float around in another dimension without telling us what is on the other side, well then" he breathed, "I would find you to be quite _rude_."

Penny blinked a few times, "how is it I find all that incredibly sexy and I don't even know what you said? In fact, as always, I am going to assume you insulted me in some way."

"I found you incredibly sexy when you were talking about science just a few minutes before, although I highly doubt you knew what you were talking about."

"Hey" Penny exclaimed defensively. "I'll have you know I had Howard and Raj teach me for hours what you did for a living just so I could impress you! What have you done for me to show that kind of dedication, hm?"

Sheldon watched her amused, "I'm in a Greek restaurant Penny." He left it at that. Apparently, in Sheldon's world, sitting down and eating Greek food was the same as spending twelve hours with Howard.

"And" Penny asked.

"Penny" Sheldon responded in his same haughty demeanor.

Penny smiled, "I'm never going to win an argument with you am I Sheldon?" Penny scrunched her glazed eyes and watched Sheldon as he rocked a little back and forth. The alcohol may not affect his speech, but it was definitely affecting his body and fidgeting.

"I doubt it, but you have surprised me on multiple occasions. I would say it is probable, although unlikely."

**0000000**

"Well that was a complete waste" Howard tossed his 3D glasses into the recycle bin on the outside of the theater and waited for Leonard to do the same.

Leonard shrugged and wrapped his jacket around his shoulders. The summer days were completely beautiful in Pasadena, but the nights tended to be drafty. "At least we were able to hang out." Leonard twitched uncomfortably and squinted down to look at the ground.

"Hey" Howard lightly tapped him on the shoulder, "it is new comic book night, and I'm buying."

"You sure" Leonard asked still focused on the dirt next to his shoes which he really needed to replace at some point.

"Yeah" Howard and Leonard began leaving the usual crowd and headed for their favorite 'Sheldon approved' outing. "Hey, remember when I convinced Koothrapali to dress up as a sexy nurse before going to the comic book store?"

Leonard laughed, "What was the point again?"

"Penny made him too many drinks with little umbrellas. He was completely wasted." Howard moved his bangs out of his face, "I also made him lick Sheldon's white board." Howard knew there were times when he picked on Raj a little too much, some could see it as abuse, but he really did love the man. You know, in a completely heterosexual way no matter what anyone else thought. Besides, most of the time he brought it on himself by drinking fruity drinks, listening to cheesy music, and being completely outrageous. Someone had to teach him a lesson.

"When did you make him lick Sheldon's white board?" Leonard was positively beaming. He wondered if Sheldon knew about this.

"When Raj and Sheldon became work buddies. It was after one particularly stupid fight and I had had enough of the consistent complaining. Raj licked the board and Sheldon fumigated the entire building with Lysol."

"Where the hell was I?" Leonard was walking and holding his sides with all the laughter.

"Sleeping on the couches of random women? By the way, way to go."

"Not funny Howard." Leonard immediately sobered.

"Not trying to be Leonard." Howard stopped walking.

"You are never going to let this go are you? I made a mistake. I have made many mistakes! We were having such a great evening, why did you have to go and bring this up? Jealous?"

"Well, I thought I was acting like your friend."

"How could you possibly think that?" Leonard glared and positioned his hands on his hips.

"I was making a joke and trying to prepare you." Howard looked around uneasy. He went from making eye contact with Leonard to gazing a little bemused at something above Leonard's head. Leonard turned around.

"What could you possibly prepare me—" he stopped, because there they were. His former girlfriend and his former best friend standing together in the middle of the comic book store. To the other patrons it would look like a close friendship. The man was leaning down with hunched shoulders, showing the woman how to properly open and close a comic book without bending the binding or leave fingerprints on the delicate drawings of his favorite superheroes. She managed to do even the most simple thing incorrectly just to get a fond look of exasperation and a repeat performance out of the taller gentlemen. They seemed content and comfortable, but Leonard knew there was more to it than that.

They looked happy.

Penny never showed interest in the comic book store before and yet here she stood becoming part of Sheldon's world wearing a beautiful summer dress and positively beaming. Leonard opened the door and walked in letting the brass bell announce his presence.

"This is going to be interesting" Leonard heard from somewhere behind him. Obviously Howard had followed him inside.

"Penny, one does not simply start at The Avengers #23 without reading The Avengers #22 and the comic books that came before. Not to mention, all the other comic book series about the individual characters. You have to start in the beginning otherwise how will you ever understand with clarity what these superheroes have been through."

"Sheldon, I did some research about Aquaman remember? I read those storylines and comics."

"I believe you mean comic books. Comics are fat cats eating lasagna and hating Monday's. Comic books are just—"Leonard began walking towards them, "are just…Penny stop laughing at me. I am trying to make a point!" Leonard stopped.

"How can someone talk so much after four shots?"

"My brain is always performing at one-hundred percent." The exasperated _obviously_ was implied. Leonard was confused. Sheldon hated alcohol. He remembered one Christmas University party where Sheldon had discovered his favorite festive cakes were made from rum. Leonard later had to apologize to the Dean and explain why Sheldon had delivered a gigantic tantrum before throwing all the homemade rum balls into the potted ferns.

The ferns had died a week later smelling of cinnamon and alcohol.

"Always one-hundred percent, huh" Penny smirked.

"Yes" Sheldon shrugged his shoulders and began once again explaining the comic world. Before he could continue however Penny raised herself onto her toes and planted her lips onto Sheldon's, the comic book squished between them.

Leonard felt his heart plummet and Sheldon squeaked. "Penny the comic book…urff" Sheldon tried to remove the book from between them, but Penny continued.

"Bent…." Penny used Sheldon's talking to widen his mouth and deepen the kiss. Compared to their previous kisses, this one was definitely packing some heat. Penny tightened her hands onto Sheldon's shoulders gripping his t-shirt and pulling him in closer. Sheldon was obviously feeling something, because the comic was quickly forgotten as he wrapped his arms around Penny's waist. It reminded Leonard of Sheldon's pose during their first hug. A bit awkward, but it made its point.

Leonard sighed as Penny let Sheldon go. He watched as she lightly rubbed her fingers on her lower lip, tracing slightly and never leaving Sheldon's amused and amazed stare.

"Sheldon who is the eleventh president of the United States" Penny asked coyly. Her finger continued to rub against her lips.

"Who?"

"Mr. One-hundred was proved wrong!" Penny squealed and clapped her hands.

"Penny, you did all that to prove me wrong?"

"Oh no, I was thoroughly enjoying myself. This was just an added bonus."

**00000000**

**I have spent weeks trying to figure out why the chapters I wrote were not flowing with the rest of the story. I wrote this as a bridge to fill in the gap. Next up, Sheldon has a hangover. Amy and Sheldon meet (fun times) and Penny gets jealous. Plus (and I know I keep saying this) Leonard moves back in and things start becoming more normal. **


	12. Chapter 11: Egg Yolks and Hangovers A

**Chapter 11: Egg Yolks and Hangovers **

Sheldon knew no matter how many times Penny reassured him it was normal to wake up with a blinding headache after consuming enormous amounts of alcohol, that he had a brain tumor. He was sure of it. No one could deal with this amount of pain and survive.

The symptoms were all there. He had an overly dry mouth, he vomited every time he thought of food moved his head or blinked his eyes, and there was a dull ache in his left temple. Definitely a brain tumor, how else could you explain it? Any other conclusions of course were kidney failure, an allergic reaction to something he ate the night before, or an alien parasite and his kidneys could not fail after one night of drinking, could they?

Although, if it was the food this might get him out of any Greek adventures Penny may bring into his meals.

Sheldon lifted his body from its previous position of hugging the porcelain throne and ever so slowly made his way to the sink. Even though he wanted to brush his teeth and get rid of the bile taste in his mouth, the idea of sticking the little brush full of bristles down his throat was enough to make him gag. _Lord give me strength_, he thought as he turned on the sink and stuck his face under allowing the cold water to run in rivulets down his face.

He then cupped his hands and brought some of the ice cold water to his mouth before swishing gently and spitting out the remains. Normally, he would clean the sink after such a bacterial ordeal, but truthfully he just wanted to lie down. He left the bathroom and made his way to the bed frowning at the lump already in his spot.

Nobody was supposed to be in his bedroom.

"Penny" he whispered as quietly as he could, before clutching his head and moaning in agony. Even whispering caused little hammers to go off in his skull. Though, by this point, they felt more like little jackhammers and less like regular hammers. Jackhammers were consistent like wasps or bees. Neither stopping until they stung their victim. He was currently the victim.

"Penny, please get up. You're in my room" he massaged his head, "no one can be in my room." He was met with loud snores (although Penny would deny ever snoring if he brought it up). Deciding to fight-the-fight of privacy later, Sheldon lay down on his bed next to Penny and prayed for mercy.

A few hours later he awoke to a high pitch grating noise and the sound of Penny singing in the kitchen. At one time this might have caused a happy fluttering in his chest, but today it made him want to physically throw Penny off a cliff or better yet, have her face off with one of the killer robots built by Walowitz. Either option was sounding better as time progressed.

He lifted his body from the bed making sure to go as slow as possible and left his room.

"Morning sweetie! Feeling better?" Sheldon met her enthusiasm and preppy nature with a grunt and a moan. She continued to make the loud grating noise.

"Penny, are you trying to kill me? If so I think there are some rusty tweezers in the bathroom that will do the job a little nicer." The tweezers were the result of one of Leonard's experiments. He had added too much of the sodium chloride in his mixture and the result had been a compound which was able to rust any metal object. Sheldon kept the tweezers as a reminder for Leonard to listen more often.

Penny grinned and began to pour more ingredients into the blender. He couldn't be sure, but the already blended portion looked like cold clam chowder and tomato juice. Now Penny added four egg yolks, honey, mint, and an entire cup of his favorite peach yogurt. If hell existed, it was in that blend.

"God lord woman, your concoction would make Spock himself disintegrate."

"Did Spock ever disintegrate?"

"What? No. I meant evaporate." Sheldon paused, "dissipate? Coagulate? Conjugate?" No, definitely not conjugate. If this was the result of what alcohol could do to the brain, he was never drinking again. No wonder some people never amounted to anything, the lack of brain coordination he was feeling at the moment was so low he might as well be in the Engineering department at the University building shelves with Howard.

Penny covered up the brew of disgustingness and pressed the power button on the blender. At first the mixture resembled a creamy red, and then it formed into a pale brown, before ending in what he had thrown up the night before. No way was he drinking that. "This sweetheart, is my family's secret recipe! It can cure any hangover."

"Penny, although I appreciate the thought" Penny glowered but listened, "I refuse to allow any of that hillbilly mumbo jumbo to touch my palate."

"Palate" Penny asked before reaching for a cup leaning precariously in the drainer. The smell of the mixture wafting through the air was enough to make him want to run to his office in the University. At this point he would even ride a bus without his bus pants and he hadn't done that since Penny had her acting class. "You eat the same things Sheldon; you don't have a palate that can't handle my family cure."

"I disagree. A cure as it were, can be anything from rosemary for a rash or Tylenol for a headache. What you have in that mixture" Sheldon pointed to two filled cups on the island (he was glad to see she didn't plan on making him do this alone) "is something my body does not plan on drinking."

"Okay well, I see you clutching your stomach and rubbing your temples. I'm only trying to help." Penny took a huge gulp of the smelly drink and managed to not grimace as the texture went down her throat. Sheldon figured she must have had a lot of practice with the 'family potion' in the past.

"Delicious" he asked trying not to smirk.

Penny smacked her lips and grinned, "I feel better already. How are you?" She feigned innocence with big eyes and a cheery disposition. It was very upsetting. "Would you like me to fix you breakfast Sheldon? Sausage? Bacon? Eggs and fried chicken?"

Sheldon tried not to throw up and admit defeat. "Penny, you know for a fact today is French toast day."

"Oh you so you want me to make you French toast?" Penny reached behind her for the covered loaf of bread. She held it in her hand and made to put it in front of Sheldon's face. Sheldon squirmed.

"Don't be ridiculous" Sheldon muttered before admitting defeat and walking quickly, definitely _not_ running, into his bedroom. He ignored the sound of the barstool he had been sitting on crash on the floor. He ignored the sound of Penny dumping the chunky mixture in the sink and he ignored her consistent little giggles.

**00000000**

Penny waited a couple hours for Sheldon to pop out of his bedroom ready for food or aspirin, but he never did. She decided to spend the time catching up on episodes of The Bachelor, Jersey Shore, and Say Yes to the Dress. All the shows Sheldon had asked her (scolded her) not to watch and were deemed unfit to be seen in his apartment.

Dating Sheldon was definitely different than what she had expected. She thought there would be a lot of weird experiments and arguments. She expected more Sherlock Holmes type personality traits and quirky mannerisms. Instead she got quiet nights at home with a much more comforting Sheldon. It was sweet.

Penny got up from the couch, stretched, and made her way to Sheldon's bedroom. She knocked quietly before stepping inside.

The bedroom was empty.

Penny made her way to Leonard's room and saw that it too was empty. Crossing out the rest of the options due to the shape of the apartment and the idea of Sheldon jumping out of a window seeming unfit for the size of his ego, Penny made her way to the bathroom to find Sheldon scrunched up to the toilet clutching a Flash towel. He seemed to have fallen asleep with his head on the tile and the towel partially on his face and on his chest.

Penny got on her knees and crawled towards his body. She pressed her hand against his forehead, "Sheldon, did you throw up?"

"No, I decided the best place to get sleep was on a cold hard floor." The words were slightly garbled into the towel, but the sarcasm was well intact.

"You must be feeling better to behave like such an ass." Penny quietly chuckled before making her way around Sheldon's body to turn on the bath. Whenever her girlfriends had hangovers they would cure themselves with more alcohol or special remedies. Leonard would take six aspirin and eat a bunch of greasy food. Penny had never had to really take care of anyone. Sheldon was different. Sheldon was always different.

"Penny I hurt." It broke Penny's heart to hear so much confusion come from the brilliant genius' mouth.

"I know sweetie. Let's get you into the tub, alright?" Penny stretched to feel the waters temperature before concluding it was good enough for the moment and wrapped her hands around Sheldon's waist. "I need your help here Sheldon. We need to get you up."

Sheldon used his legs to help out as much as he could. It still took a couple attempts and all of Penny's upper body strength to get him fully erect (mind out of gutter).

"Okay Sheldon" Penny tried not to pant as Sheldon leaned all his weight against her, "time to get into the bath. Think you can step into it on your own?"

"Penny I can't get into the bath with my pajamas!" Sheldon tried to move away.

"Why not, I plan on getting in there with all my clothes too!"

"These are my Saturday pajamas!"

"So? We can wash them later." Penny let go of Sheldon and took a step into the tub. The warm water cascaded over her toes and she immediately pulled the tab to turn the slow jet into a full-fledged shower. Sheldon stood glaring. "Come on Sheldon I have the water at sixty percent warm, forty percent cold. We need to warm you up and get you clean." Penny held out her hand.

"How can taking a shower in my clothes help me feel clean?" Sheldon leaned against the wall trying to ignore the way Penny's gray Nebraska shirt clung to her when wet.

"You need to bathe and you have no strength to do so alone. Would you like to do this naked?" Penny reached to the hem of her nightgown and began to slowly pull up. Right when Sheldon was about to see some pink and white boy shorts he stopped her. "That's what I thought."

"My mother raised me to be a gentleman Penny."

"I know." Penny smiled. Sheldon took her hand and stepped in bracing himself for warm water to hit him in the face.

"Close your eyes Sheldon. I'm going to wash your hair." Penny pulled out the Star Wars shampoo and poured a good amount onto her palm. She tried not to faint in shock as Sheldon listened to her and closed his eyes almost immediately under the hot water. "Wow you must feel bad." She lathered her hands.

"I do. Which is why I'm not even going to tell you that lathering is bad for your shampoo" he leaned further into the warm water.

"I don't even want to know." Penny reached up for Sheldon's head and slowly slid her fingers through his hair scraping gently against the scalp with her fingernails. She used the motion to bend Sheldon more towards her so she didn't have to stretch as far. The shampoo started to form bubbles and Penny continued to massage it in.

Sheldon must have been enjoying the massage because his entire body began to become limp like a noodle. Penny began to hum and she messaged his temples to his forehead and back down. Repeating the same pattern over and over. "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr."

Penny reached to massage the point on the base of Sheldon's skull and his neck. She pressed deeper into the joints and felt Sheldon vibrate and release all his tension. If Sheldon were a kitten at this point, like his favorite little song, then he would definitely be part of the purr, purr, purr verse. He seemed quite content.

She lowered his head into the spray of the shower and removed all of the shampoo. Penny used a loofa and some of the Chewbacca body wash on Sheldon's hands, arms (under his shirt), and face. He continued to stand still under the warm water with his eyes closed. "Thank you Penny for taking care of me." He yawned.

"Aw, you're welcome sweetie."

Penny quickly turned off the water and stepped out picking up two big downy towels for Sheldon to wrap himself up in. "Let me go get you some pajamas Sheldon." She left before he could say anything about his 'days of the week' pajamas and made her way to his room. Sheldon was still there clutching the towels when she came back.

"But, Penny…"

"I'll do the damn wash Sheldon. I'm going to leave you to change. Let me know when you are ready."

"I'm not a child."

"Didn't say you were" Penny quietly shut the door behind her and leaned up against it. Sooner than she expected, Sheldon called for her already dressed in a clean pair of pajamas with his old pair and used towels folded neatly on top of the toilet. Typical.

"Now what" he asked looking far too innocent.

"Now we watch Doctor Who and relax." Sheldon's face brightened at the thought, "I love Doctor Who!"

**0000000000**

"Poor Leonard" Bernadette murmured before chomping down on the chocolate chip cookie Howard's mother had given her when she walked in. Bernadette was not overly fond of the woman who preferred to call her 'the little Catholic girl,' but the cookie was a nice touch.

"So, he saw them kiss and then what" Raj asked sitting on the floor leaning up against Bernadette. Instead of a chocolate chip cookie he held a glass of vodka and cranberry juice. Whoever had decided the cure for select mutism was alcohol clearly had a sick sense of humor.

"He just watched. They never noticed him." Howard leaned forward and braced his hands on his tight pants, "I'm glad he saw it though. The man tried to use a loveseat as an apology. You can't grow your balls back after something like that."

"How did he lose his balls" Bernadette asked with confusion.

"No I just meant" Howard watched her reaction and figured as always his sarcastic comment had gone over her head. "Never mind Bernie, it's not important."

"Howard do you and your little friends want some meatloaf sandwiches from the deli" Howard's mother screeched from the first floor of the house. Her extremely gravelly voice could cut through the thickest of walls. "I've got a coupon!"

Howard looked from one face to the other before responding, "No thank you we are fine."

"Are you sure? Mrs. Goldman from across the street said they were something to brag about and you know how much I would love to prove her wrong!"

"Enough with the meatloaf sandwiches Ma, you are embarrassing me in front of my best friend and my girlfriend!" Howard tried to ignore the look of exasperation coming from the faces opposite of him.

"I'm sorry Mr. Big-Shot with the fancy job and the degrees" Bernadette scrunched her face as the last word was shrieked even louder than the rest, "would the 'little Catholic girl' like some more cookies? Does the cutie need more alcohol?"

"Go get your sandwich Ma, we're fine."

"You want me to get you some more Oreo's?"

"I hate you. You hear me you harpy, I hate you!" Howard calmed down as he heard the thump thump of his mother walking down the stairs. The usual clangs, squeaks, and groaning noises were music to his ears. This meant she would be leaving for a couple hours. Freedom at last.

"Howie you should be nicer to your mother."

"I agree dude."

"Well" Howard moved his bangs out of his face, "when either one of you decide to move in here I'll make sure to take notes and see how well you handle her. You will buckle in less than a week. In fact, I'll bet my fancy degrees on it."

"Fancy degree? You have a Masters" Raj snort into his red cup and took another gulp of his delicious beverage. Alcohol was such a gift from the Gods. It was delicious. Like candy in a cup with a little extra bonus. "We should all play paintball again, that was fun."

"We would need a new team player since Leonard is presumably off the team" Howard responded glad for the change in topic.

Raj nodded in agreement, "definitely. We should also take Sheldon surfing." He had never been surfing, Leonard had never been surfing, Sheldon definitely had never been and Howard hated the sun. It was a perfect idea for a future outing!

"Uh oh" Bernadette whispered after she finished her cookie and wiped the excess crumbs off her dress. "I think somebody has had a little too much to drink."

"How can you tell" Howard asked watching Raj drain his cup.

"You know what we should do" Raj slapped his hand against his thigh and allowed the empty red cup to roll on the floor. "We should set up Leonard, Sheldon, and Penny on a blind three-way date. Then they can talk and sort things out. Everyone would be so much happier!" Raj suddenly frowned and looked up expectantly to watch Bernadette, "how come nobody loves me Bernadette? I have a creamy chocolate outside yet nobody believes I have a chocolate creamy inside. I do though." He smiled, "I need to find the right girl and tell her that I have nougat and she has nougat and together we can _be _nougat."

"Right you're nougat." Howard groaned and dug his fingers into his forehead to relieve the sudden headache. Raj drunk was a mess.

"Howard was my nougat. Now he is your nougat." Raj leaned his head against Bernadette's knees.

"We can share him Raj. He can be both our nougats." Bernadette began to brush her hand through Raj's hair. "Someday you will find someone to make you feel complete Raj. I swear." Raj closed his eyes and smiled like a child on Christmas morning. "What are you going to do about Leonard Howard?"

"I'm not going to do anything anymore. I think he needs to figure it out." Howard smiled at the becoming site of his best friend and his girlfriend getting along so well. He had been worried to introduce them to one another (and a little scared Bernadette would find Raj a much more suited fit for her) but it had all worked out in the end.

"I think we should all get together and hang out. It might be fun. I can bring the girl Penny and I met while clothes shopping. Amy." Bernadette smiled, "we can just put this behind us and move on."

"That sounds perfect Bernadette."

"It does." Bernadette grinned before glancing down to the sleeping form on her legs. She moved her hand repeatedly on his scalp and felt him continue to relax.

"I want you to know, I was never his nougat." Howard smirked.

"Yes you were, you still are."

**000000000**

Leonard stood on the outside of his old apartment door waiting for an epiphany. There had to be some way to go about this without making an even bigger ass out of himself. A loveseat, what on earth had he been thinking? Damn, his life was such a mess. It hadn't even been a year since he had met the girl-next-door with his best friend, invited her in for curry after getting a speech about regulating bowels, and yet here he stood trying to get back into his old apartment. He deserved all of it though. He knew he did.

Work was embarrassing now due to all the women he had slept with and all the women he hadn't slept with instead using their couches rather than their bodies. Mixing work and pleasure (or sleep) had to have been one of the stupidest things he had ever done. Stupider than cheating and he never thought he would have ever been someone to cheat, especially on someone like Penny.

Stupider than the time he and Raj had decided to smoke pot after both of them got stood up on a blind date. Raj had revealed the cure to his mutism and Leonard had opened up about his childhood. Neither of them talked about it after, well, Leonard now made sure to give Raj some alcohol if they were in the company of women and his voice was necessary to the event.

But, all of that had been before he had seen Sheldon and Penny. Before he had understood the most he would ever get from Penny would be friendship. He hoped it wasn't too late for even that courtesy. He sighed before knocking in a sharp staccato against the door. Quiet footsteps could be heard on the other side.

"If this is someone selling me cookies, I am not interested and I hate your products. If this is someone trying to tell me God is real and evolution is a myth, I hate your lifestyle and I hate what you stand for. If this is Koothrapali or Walowitz deciding to mock me out of my hangover, I hate you I hate you I hate you." Sheldon opened the door.

"Leonard?"

"Hey buddy, how's the hangover?" Leonard made his way into the apartment.

"Awful, what are you doing here?" Leonard turned around to face Sheldon.

"Are those your Sunday pajamas?"

"Yes" Sheldon yawned.

"It's Saturday."

"Yes" he rubbed his eyes.

"What have you taken for it?" Leonard decided to ignore the oddness of the different 'days of the week' pajamas and resume his initial plan.

"Penny took care of me when I was throwing up and then helped me bathe. Then we had some toast and" Sheldon paused, "I still don't know why you are here Leonard. It's been weeks since I have seen you."

"I know and I'm sorry." Leonard walked back to his old bathroom and pulled out three aspirin. He walked back into the living room to find Sheldon laying on the couch. Some things had changed since he left. The old Sheldon would never have allowed others to see him so weak.

"Here" Leonard handed him the aspirin and a bottle of water.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Leonard made his way to the back of the apartment and paused, "Sheldon?"

"Yes, Leonard?"

"I'm sorry."

"I know" Sheldon muttered into the back of the couch. "Leonard" he asked a little louder and Leonard was about to open the door to his old room.

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"You owe me a month's rent and two tickets to Comic-Con."

"You got it buddy" Leonard closed the door and snuggled on his bed. Home at last.

**000000000**

Penny groaned as she poured the third tub of potato salad into another clear bowl. She then placed the bowl full of potato salad next to the other two bowls of potato salad. One of them had a mustard base, the other mayonnaise, and the third barbeque sauce. If the Zombie Apocalypse took place tonight, they might have to survive on potato salad.

"Well this is ridiculous. This has Walowitz written all over it. Who needs three types of potato salad" Sheldon scowled while glancing down at the three insulting bowls of potato paste. "If I had been in charge of everything there would have been more order!" Sheldon raised his hands to conduct in the air as if strategically outlining the food at this particular outing.

"One tub of potato salad, one tub of macaroni salad, two bags of chips, fruit, hotdogs and burgers with condiments on the side and homemade cookies for later." Sheldon raised his brow at Penny before throwing his hands in disarray, "instead we have potato salad, potato salad, potato salad, chips and chips, and hot dogs and burgers. No cookies."

"I think it is great he went out of his way to get all of us together" Penny smiled before opening up the bag of chips.

"Yes, but having a barbeque at the park is not the way to do it."

"Well, today is hamburger day and look" Penny pointed to Leonard who was currently warming some charcoal for the grill, "we are making hamburgers. No one has to worry about upsetting your palate."

"Perhaps" Sheldon frowned and fiddled with one of the other bags of chips. This one was sour cream and onion.

"What's wrong Sheldon?"

"Are you okay with Leonard being here?" Sheldon glanced over to Penny before opening the bag in front of him.

"Honestly…yes. I didn't think I would be, but I think after some time he and I will be able to become friends-"Penny turned around quickly to a sudden noise behind her.

"Hi, my name is Amy Farrah Fowler to those of you I haven't met and I have brought my Mother's homemade snicker doodle cookies. They are extra on the snicker and less on the doodle." Amy was met with stunned silence from both Penny and Sheldon, "I'm sorry did I interrupt something?"

"Hey Ames, Mom buy you that dress?" Amy was currently wearing a red and white polka dotted blouse with a lot of fringe and a black skirt. Black loafers finished the ensemble, but that was definitely Amy all the way.

"Yes actually. I believe mothers are only good for one thing after a certain age and that is guilt."

Sheldon snort, "I agree. When you grow up in East Texas with a mother who believes Jesus is reason enough for anything to happen, the end result is always guilt."

"Noted. I will never visit East Texas," Amy smiled quickly before plopping the cookies in the center of the table.

"My mother was amazing" Penny interrupted the awkward silence, "when I wanted to become an actress she celebrated by making me a celebratory pie. Also, when my first audition didn't go well…" Penny stopped when she noticed the matching expressions of disdain. "What?"

"Your mother made you a pie even though you didn't get the job" asked Amy.

"Your mother celebrated your lack of dedication" finished Sheldon.

"Hey" Penny exclaimed, "it was really sweet of her to do. I needed the comfort and she provided it for me."

"With pie" Sheldon pondered for a few seconds, "Amy, would you like a beverage?"

"Certainly, provided you can show proof of purchase so I know who to blame if I come down with any virus or melanoma from the soda can." Penny tried not to blanch at the blasé way this conversation was going about deadly virus and sickness occurring from soda cans. Honestly, she found this conversation to be very confusing.

"Absolutely" Sheldon exclaimed clearly finding no fault. He then guided her to the ice bucket full of all the beverages and began to describe in detail where each one was made, bought, and found.

"You might want to get that glower off your face" Leonard whispered suddenly beside her, "someone might think you were jealous."

"Please, why would I be jealous? He just met her."

"I didn't say you had any reason to be jealous. Sheldon would never hurt you, but that isn't stopping the look on your face."

"Why wouldn't he be better off with her" Penny slurred. "I'm always going to be the disappointing actress and he is always going to be the brilliant mind genius guy. Amy is a Neurobiologist. I don't even know how to spell that." Penny pointed to where Sheldon and Amy were concluding on soda choices, "everyone can see people like them together right?"

"You have to be kidding. Do you know how much Sheldon has changed for you? He hugged you first. He saw your ass and your breasts first. He helped you when you were injured first and you made him spaghetti and hot dogs first. You will always be his first. No one will ever compete with that."

"Doesn't mean I will be his last" Penny glowered.

"No it doesn't, but you will leave him before he leaves you. Do you want to leave him Penny?"

"No."

"Then get over this and scoop up some potato salad!"

"I hate you" Penny laughed somewhat sullenly.

"I know." Leonard smiled and made his way back to the grill.

"Penny, Amy had the most wondrous idea." Sheldon quickly made his way from the soda bucket and approached Penny. Penny thought of a thousand scenarios. He could say something like, 'Amy and I have thought of having a baby even though we both hate being touched' or, 'Penny, Amy and I have thought about switching our bodies with another species and making ourselves into human bats.' Or something equally ridiculous wasn't that how all of their conversations went?

"What is the wondrous idea?"

"We should ride on a train!"

**000000**

**Part B should be up shortly. I know these chapters have been short, but I am just easing myself back into this. I hope everything is sufficient. Part B) More jealousy, Shenny SEX, date number 2, killer robots against Will Whedon. Dun, dun, dunnn…: ) **


	13. Chapter 12: The Genius needs an Audienc

Penny opened the door to Sheldon and Leonard's apartment with hesitation. There was always a chance of seeing something disturbing, confusing, or nauseating (Howard showing off his leopard print briefs to Raj would forever be a key example).

Sure, sometimes they were just sitting on the floor around the living room table playing _Love Letter, _arguing over rankings and whatnot. _Who came first the duchess or the baron?_

There was always a possibility of toasters being turned into robot parts, instantaneous chemical reactions, or Lord of the Rings marathons, but mostly, there was always something weird.

So, it was a bit of a surprise, when Penny slowly opened the door to find Leonard in a bathrobe watching a biography on Kim Kardashian. Even she never did that.

"Um…Leonard," Penny took a seat next to him on the couch, smiling slightly as his eyes continued to be transfixed on the screen.

"Hmm," Leonard muttered, watching Kris Kardashian tear up while discussing Kim's deceased father.

"Something wrong with the SyFy channel, Blu Ray player, or iPad, buddy?"

"No," he said, wiping some incriminating fog from his glasses. "I never knew Kim went through so much pain in her life-"

"—iPod, board games, sword of Game of Thrones, books, magical things, Cheesecake Factory napkin, porn, masturbation, music, cracks in a sidewalk."

Leonard turned to face her, "that list is ridiculous."

"Seeing you watch this is ridiculous."

"There was nothing on."

"History channel is better than this and it's nothing but conspiracy theories."

Leonard smirked, "that's rich coming from the girl who believes in psychics, crystals, and alien life."

"That's rich coming from the boy whose entire life is about science fiction. Aliens don't exist, but Piccard, Spock, and Kirk do? What about the Doctor? Captain Mal and his crew of misfits aboard the Firefly? C3PO and R2D2? Hogwarts? A Chevy Impala—okay to be fair, that one exists, but I doubt there are two demon hunting brothers driving around the states—Ned Stark's bastard? Frodo and the Shire?"

Leonard gaped at her.

"But you draw the line at aliens?"

"You never watched any of that with me. In fact, the one time I tried to get you to watch Star Trek: Next Generation, you sat there and played doodle jump on your phone."

"That's because it was Next Generation, Leonard," she could make nerd jokes now, right? Just be one of the boys. After all, she didn't see any of them dating Sheldon Lee Cooper. Yeah, she definitely deserved the right to make nerd jokes.

It had to have some perks.

Not that Sheldon wasn't a perk on his own, he was.

Or he would have been before he ditched Penny on a train, for Amy. Yeah, you read that correctly. A three hour train ride to be exact.

Years ago, when Penny was awarded the crown at Corn Queens Court, Tommy Whitmore asked her out on a date. They made a beautiful couple, everybody said so. Blonde, athletic, gorgeous, popular, everyone thought they would be married by the end of the year.

They hadn't even made it to the end of the week before Tommy Whitmore had his tongue down stupid Mallory Diller's mouth. Her stupid ebony curls wrapped around his stupid hand, her stupid cherry lip balm covering his lips. Stupid, stupid, stupid…

That feeling was nothing compared to watching her boyfriend sit in the window seat across the aisle, next to another person. A person who was exactly like Sheldon except with a different anatomy. Amy was smart; she had a lucrative job doing something _smart_, she knew the difference between string theory and that other theory which Sheldon hated with loops. Loop theory? Loop Quantum Theory?—Or was that a plot from Babylon 5?

All Mallory Diller had was big breasts. She could compete with big breasts. Victoria Secret had a whole section dedicated to making your breasts appear larger than they were.

She could not compete with another Sheldon (Victoria Secret had yet to invent lingerie that made you smarter).

She wouldn't.

"Funny," Leonard laughed out loud and Penny jumped. "You always were funny and beautiful." Penny bit her lip to stop the groan of frustration as he skimmed her body from breasts to waist with his eyes. _Seriously? _Wasn't he over this?

"That's me." _Never the smart one, always the prize._

"Well," Leonard reached down for the remote and turned off the television, "not that I don't enjoy your company, but Sheldon isn't here, as you know. What can I do for you? You obviously weren't here to watch the biography."

"No one would be here to watch that."

Leonard laughed, "Yeah, well…" He shrugged his shoulders and readjusted his robe. "What's up Penny?"

"Remember the picnic?"

"That was two days ago, yes."

"Remember Amy?"

"She's great! Yes, I remember Amy."

"Remember, remember the 5th of November?"

"Penny—," Leonard laughed.

"Sheldon ditched me on a train."

"Well," Leonard adjusted his robe, "of course he did. It's Sheldon on a train. If the train had breasts, I would tell you to worry."

"The train didn't have breasts, Amy had breasts." Penny winced, yeah; in no way did she want to think about Amy's breasts. "Amy is magnetic."

"Going to need some more context."

Penny groaned. Context, sure, context was needed. How about this for context Leonard? Penny drove Amy and Sheldon (who decided to sit in the back with Amy the entire ride) to the train station. Sheldon sat across from Penny on the train, even though she paid for their tickets using her tips from the Cheesecake Factory. Penny got to spend three hours listening to Sheldon talk about how the 'first American train didn't show up until 1826.' Or how, 'Through the 1830s, 1840s, and 1850s, not only local projects, but long-distance links, were completed, so that by 1860 the eastern half of the continent, especially the Northeast, was linked by a network of connecting railroads.' It was boring as hell to listen to, but at least she listened. That should count for something, right?

"Sheldon didn't even notice I was there. Amy was his perfect audience-," Penny slid over one cushion.

"Well that was tedious-," Sheldon threw his conductor hat on the ground before jumping on it repeatedly, "Amy has no appreciation for the train. Do you know what she said Leonard? She said the truest American invention was the airplane."

"No," Leonard whispered, watching Penny dig herself deeper into the couch cushion. "What did you think of Amy?"

"What did I think of Amy?" Sheldon placed his keys into the key bowl and took off his favorite satchel before pacing in the living room, "what did I think of Amy?"

"Yes," Penny murmured," tell us how awesome you found her. Some of us can't wait to hear."

"In a word," Sheldon walked into the kitchen and got himself a bottle of Smart-Water, "unappreciative. Amy was unwilling to listen to anything I had to say. I tried to be nice to her Penny, I really did. I even asked her if she would come to the comic book store so that you weren't alone in learning the new subplots. If I can teach Walowitz how to fix a space-toilet, I can certainly teach two women about Thor's hammer."

"Okay," Leonard said.

"She said I was a nerd."

"You are a nerd," Penny smiled slightly, watching Sheldon out of the corner of her eye.

"Yes, but I'm a cool nerd. I'm thee nerd. The King of Nerds; she had no right."

"So…" Penny sat up on the couch cushion, "what does this mean?"

"Amy and I agreed we would be cordial to each other, as to not ruin the new friendship you two have started. We will talk about work, weather, and science. On Tuesday we will gather together to share our infinite knowledge of many topics and broaden the horizon of the regular folk, with our "Fun with Flags" special for YouTube. Both enlightening and entertaining; but that is all. Worst. Train Audience. Ever. I knew I should have sat with Penny, but no….mom always said to welcome guests into the group. Boy, was she wrong." Sheldon walked out of the room and into his bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

"Feeling better," Leonard asked, smiling at the broad grin on Penny's face.

"Guess I just needed context."

"Imagine that."

Penny rolled her eyes, "shut up Leonard." She quickly left the cushion, tapped Leonard appreciatively on the shoulder, and made her way to Sheldon's bedroom.

The genius needed an audience after all.


	14. APOLOGYTHANK YOUQUESTIONS ANSWERED

Well it has been a year. I could apologize, but the truth is I just forgot. Then I went back and started reading this story and decided I was going to finish (damn-it!), then clean it up, and finally answer some questions.

There will be 4-5 more chapters (next one is longer and already written)

Those pictures on tumblr were removed because Millie deleted her tumblr page. I apologize for that.

I WILL FINISH ATHIS. I feel inspired and I have time off.

THERE WILL BE AN END

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR MY NEW FOLLOWERS/OLD FOLLOWERS. You guys continued to reread and love this story even with its typos and weirdness. I DON'T UNDERSTAND, BUT I LOVE YOU ALL!

I WILL FINISH THIS.


	15. Chapter 13: It's Penny not Penelope!

"Hey there," Penny said softly before taking off her flip-flops. She placed them near Sheldon's dresser and made her way to Sheldon's bed. Penny slid into it, tucking herself under the thick navy comforter. She placed her arms around Sheldon and popped her head into the crook of his neck. With every inhale she caught a whiff of lemons and honeysuckle. Penny grinned, "New shampoo?"

"Hmm," Sheldon shrugged, "ran out of Darth Vader last week, this is The Hulk. A bit floral for me," Sheldon ran his hand attentively through her ponytail.

Penny relaxed and snuggled deeper into Sheldon; shifting her legs so they aligned with his. She lifted her head a tad so she could gaze at him. There were over twenty freckles covering his nose—which was amusing since Sheldon avoided the sun as much as possible—there was a chicken pox scar behind his left ear, small and jagged, and then there were his eye lashes. So thick and long, the kind women paid hundreds of dollars for.

"You know it makes me uncomfortable when you stare," Sheldon muttered into the quiet of the room turning his head to face Penny. Penny wondered if Sheldon was slowing down his breathing to match the calm feeling in the room. She could hardly sense him moving below her, yet marveled when her body began to match his breath for breath. It reminded her of all the times her mother would catch her reading under a blanket; the flashlight shaking in her fist as she quickly shut it off before holding her breath conscious of every movement and every sound underneath the blanket, hoping her mother would walk on by without noticing her.

Sheldon blinked, "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Just thinking of the quiet," Penny said, she clung to Sheldon before shifting further down the bed.

"Penny, what in the world are you doing?" Sheldon tried pulling her back up, but instead squeaked when he found himself in the middle of his bed with the comforter over his head and a giggling Penny in his arms; her legs wrapped around his waist like the koala's in the zoo.

"When I was a little girl, I used to do this if I was caught up in a book. I remember staying up until two in the morning reading Goosebumps, did you ever read those books?" Sheldon shook his head, his forehead rubbing against hers, "they were brilliant! The only problem was of course the moment I turned off my flashlight. I was so scared to go to sleep!"

Sheldon huffed out a laugh, "I can't imagine you ever being scared."

"I'm always scared."

Sheldon tightened his hold on her, "you shouldn't be."

"Maybe," Penny closed her eyes, not that Sheldon could tell, "but sometimes I feel like a child. Sometimes I feel like little Penny had more potential. Have I ever told you why I wanted to be an actor?"

"In the beginning I assumed it was because you were so used to being told you were beautiful," Penny winced, yeah, that hurt. Sheldon continued, "But after meeting your father, I believe it was a way to rebel. He paid attention to you. He finally saw you as more than just his 'little slugger.' I did the same thing to my parents, you know. In their minds, by going into science I was rebelling against the bible, my upbringing, and the norm, as it were."

Penny shook her head, "nope."

"Nope," Sheldon frowned.

"I wanted to be an actor, because _I_ liked it. If I wanted to be noticed for my beauty, I would have been a model, Sheldon. If I wanted to rebel against my father, I would have tattooed my body in ACDC lyrics. He hates ACDC and yes, being called a 'little slugger' at the age of 25 is still ridiculous, but I can live with it. No, I wanted to be an actor, because it was the first time in my life I felt magic."

Penny placed her forehead on Sheldon's, their eyes were slightly crossed, but she had his upmost attention and that was all she needed in the moment, "when I was seventeen I met Kurt. I was working at a Dairy Queen just outside of town. I kept applying to colleges as far away from Nebraska as I could get, having no idea how I would pay for it, because I had to experience something new. I wasn't meant to be a farmer's wife. I didn't want to have children just so I could have free labor. It wasn't my purpose, you know? Even though I had no idea what to major in, I applied anyway."

"What did you sign up for?" Sheldon asked, pressing his hands firmly into her back.

"Oh god," Penny groaned, "Hotel Management at the University of Las Vegas, Journalism at NYU, English at Alabama State, Music Education at the University of Oregon, anything I thought I would be good at."

Penny sighed, "Then Kurt comes in to Dairy Queen. He's shy and he keeps looking at his shoes. It's adorable! He talks about how he just dropped out of Community College in order to be in a Colgate commercial."

"Why would he need to drop out entirely of his classes for one commercial?"

"Quiet you; it was a big deal at the time!"

"Yes, but one commercial…" Sheldon stared at her; eyebrow arched and his mouth twitching.

Penny moaned, "Yes, he was an idiot! I didn't think it through, alright? And, he is not the main part of the story."

"Fine," Sheldon said, "but know, that I think your improvement in men has enhanced greatly with time. I wish I could have met Dairy Queen Penny and told her not to follow the Neanderthal."

"Dairy Queen Penny would have hated you and Kurt wasn't a Neanderthal, yet."

"Dairy Queen Penny would have enjoyed my witty banter and adorable freckles. You seem to like them and once a Neanderthal always a Neanderthal."

Penny pursed her lips, "may I continue?"

"You may."

"Anyway, he asked for a rocky road sundae-" Sheldon twitched.

"You can't remember what you ate for breakfast last Wednesday, but you can remember a sundae you made when you were seventeen?"

"-he was having his own celebration. He was just so happy, Sheldon. He was thin and gangly, he hadn't started bench pressing yet, and he kept talking about the rehearsals. About the heat of the lights surrounding him, the disarray of the costume designers flitting around while the director yelled changes in direction and design, how even the smallest change in set up could change an entire commercial. It sounded so exciting."

"_I won't be able to eat this anymore once I become famous," Kurt sighed licking the chocolate remains off the spoon. "People in Arizona don't appreciate double chins and stretch marks." _

_Penny sat across from him in one of the smaller booths, her chin in hand, "is that where you're going next, Arizona?" _

"_Yeah," he burped and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "my friend Richard is making a short film for Sundance. He promised me a part in it. I'll be playing a surfer who loses his arm in a terrible accident, then discovers his dad is sleeping with his girlfriend Amber before he and his best friend Mathew take a road-trip and discover what life is all about. It's deep and Oscar gold." _

"_It sounds amazing!" _

_Kurt looked at her, his gaze travelling up and down her body appreciably, "you should come with me. Take some theater classes, acting coaches, whatever you want." _

"_Go with you? Go with you to Arizona?" Penny bit her lip and looked out the window. Corn fields surrounded the Dairy Queen, much like they surrounded the entire town. Corn everywhere and Penny had had enough. Here was a golden opportunity and she was going to take it. "When would we leave?" _

"_Well," Kurt shrugged, "he starts the movie in four months, but I was going to leave tonight. Maybe spend some time in Austin before making my way to AR." _

"_AZ," Penny corrected, wondering how quickly she could pack a bag before her father got home. _

"_Yeah, yeah, whatever," Kurt smirked. "You even finished with High School?" _

"_Just finished," it was summer after all, and yeah most of her friends had filled out their college applications their junior year, but most of them had also decided to just get married and have babies out of high school. _

"_Good, you don't need college," Kurt stood up and threw out his Dairy Queen cup, "time is wasting…um?" _

"_Penny, my name is Penny." _

"_I like Penelope better. Time is wasting Penelope, let's not waste another moment of it." _

"I packed an overnight bag as soon as I got home and never looked back. We spent a few months in Georgia, before finally buying a used car off of some widow and making our way to Austin. Kurt spent all his saved up money on gym memberships and protein shakes, so I had to get a job at another Dairy Queen. I found out later that I got accepted into Alabama State, but by then I was so far deep in this life it didn't matter."

"And the movie deal?"

"Never happened," Penny kissed Sheldon's cheek, since it was right there, "his friend had signed someone else to make the movie. It ended up doing really well in Sundance, but Kurt was livid. The truth is, he could bench press an elephant…but couldn't spell it. He was dumber than a box of hats and I followed him across the states."

"That is when I met Christina Link. She was my first acting coach. God Sheldon, she was magnificent. She walked in to a room and she owned it, you know? She took one look at me, called me pathetic, and then handed me a business card. I used my tips and signed up for her evening class as soon as I could. I had to go to the library and sign up for a card just so I could have the internet, but it was totally worth it."

"She called you pathetic? I don't think you and I have the same definition of magnificent," Sheldon tugged on her ponytail. "You are not pathetic, foolish for one moment of time, but not pathetic."

"Thanks sweetie," Penny slid her legs further down Sheldon's body so they were wrapped around his. The darkness of the blanket was still calming. Penny was grateful for its effect, very grateful. When Penny left the living room earlier, her plan was to lie down next to Sheldon and explain how she didn't appreciate the way he treated her in order to be nice to his guest. Yet, here she was explaining the biggest mistake she had ever made. "It just meant she saw something in me, like I wasn't living up to my full potential."

"Still think its mean."

"I was so scared the first day. I show up to the class an hour early and there are already twelve people sitting outside. They all look sophisticated in business suits and blouses. I show up in cutoff jeans and a pink tank top. I'm sure they all thought I was twelve. So I sit there on the cement next to a woman who tells me she started taking acting classes as a way of getting away from under her husband's stern thumb, so to speak, and I realize I am doing the same thing."

Sheldon stopped brushing his hand through her ponytail and took a breath, "so he didn't know about the acting classes?"

"Of course not, he thought the way I could get a job would be to show my tits on live television." Sheldon inhaled sharply, "I never did Sheldon geez. I'm not that much of an idiot."

"Penny, forgive me for saying this, but that man is a son of a bitch. He deserved Leonard's witty remark about his stupidity at your Halloween party and so much more. He is the lowest form of life and I wish I had known about this sooner," Sheldon would have hit him with a paint ball pellet. Maybe he could get his death ray to work again. All he needed was some government approved radioactive waste.

Did Amazon sell radioactive waste? He would have to check.

"I know what you are thinking. Stop it."

"Penny," Sheldon inhale laughed softly, "the day you can read my mind is the day Raj discovers String Theory."

"You are creating plans on how to kill Kurt. He isn't worth it."

Damn. Maybe he should text Raj once Penny was done with her story. "No I'm not," he said, like a petulant child.

"Lies," Penny said. "It took me three weeks before I participated in class. I just couldn't do it, I didn't feel it. All these people had studied with so-in-so a famous whatcha m'call it from Hollywood and I worked at Dairy Queen. They had all gone to college and I had travelled across state borders with an over muscled idiot."

"Then three weeks in, Mrs. Link tells us to pick a random piece of paper out of a hat; study it, before reading it aloud to everyone. We had to sell this quote, pretend we were this person. So I pick up my piece of paper and I just start crying. It's like everything I have ever wanted to say to Kurt, but I never had the balls to do it. And here, I have an excuse that it is just a piece of paper. My crying is merely a form of method. My body is just a canvass. I could be Penny the actor and not Penny the crying woman on stage. Or Penny the woman working double shifts so Kurt can go to an open audition where he needs certain accessories. Or Penny who walked out of their apartment together, got scared because she didn't want to admit to her parents how stupid she was, and went back inside to apologize to her mentally abusive boyfriend."

Sheldon gripped Penny closer to him, resting her head against his before he spoke (and they were both starting to get damp from the humidity of being under the damn blanket—he didn't dare move them though,) "what was the quote?"

"Don't you think I ever wanted other things? Don't you think I had dreams and hopes? What about my life? What about me. Don't you think it ever crossed my mind to want to know other men? That I wanted to lay up somewhere and forget about my responsibilities? That I wanted someone to make me laugh so I could feel good? You are not the only one who's got wants and needs. But I held on to you, Troy. I took all my feelings, my wants and needs, my dreams…and I buried them inside you. I planted myself inside you and waited for it to bloom. It didn't take me eighteen years to find out the soil was hard and rocky and it wasn't ever going to bloom."

Sheldon could feel Penny's tears sliding down his neck. He just held on tighter than before wondering why not a single part of him wanted to push her away. The old Sheldon would have. He would have pushed away Penny the minute she lifted the blanket on his bed. The old Sheldon would have yelled at her for entering his room. This was different though. This was Penny, his best friend, and she needed someone good to hold on to.

He would be that something, even if it made him uncomfortable. He could be her superhero and she could be his wonder woman. She was a wonder to him. She was strong, smart, caring, and she could shoot a paint ball gun better than any man.

And she was _crying_.

"From that moment, I could feel myself on stage," Penny choked out, her voice slightly hoarse, "the theater became a second skin. A togetherness of all these pieces of myself I didn't know existed."

Sheldon was honestly confused. It sounded spectacular. Why wasn't Penny on stage now? Penny should have been one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. She deserved it. Why was she in Santa Barbara? Why was she with _him_?

"Then Kurt found out about the classes," Penny wiped her eyes, "he told me there was no way he was going to date someone who was trying to upstage him. He kicked me out and set all my stuff on the lawn while I was working a shift at the DQ. I called my dad on a payphone, but he wasn't home," or he ignored her call, Penny still wasn't sure. "I had no place to go, I knew barely anyone in Austin, Kurt kept me inside a lot, and Mrs. Link found me. She told me her sister owned a restaurant in Santa Barbara I could work at. She had her sister call around and they found a place for me to live. She was my angel. She got me out of there."

_You want to know the saddest part? He dumped me and I still love him, _Sheldon remembered Penny saying the first time she was ever in the apartment; writing a story about her life and working at the Cheesecake Factory.

"Then Kurt found me and decided to move to Santa Barbara. God, I was such a mess back then. I thought what we had together was love. I never took him back, though there were times I wanted to. I stood my ground even with his conniving little comments running through my head, 'you'll never make it as an actress unless you open your legs for the casting couch,' 'people will only see what's on the outside, Penelope no one will ever see what I see,' 'you are nothing but a Midwestern slut.'"

"Penny-," Sheldon really no response, so he just let that lay there without finishing.

"Then I see two men gawking at me like I am the most beautiful creature they have ever seen. One of them looking at me directly in the eye, the other so shy he can only focus on his shoes."

Sheldon understood, "you thought I was another Kurt."

Penny nodded against Sheldon's shoulder, giggling slightly at the HUGE miscalculation on her part, "Kurt was just as shy and gangly when we first met. I didn't want to go through that again."

"Then you dated Leonard."

"Then I dated Leonard, who is a lot more like Kurt than he would believe. Always focused on my body, never on…well, me."

"I don't feel like I have treated you at all the way you deserve to be treated."

"You have been honest every step of the way."

"Penny," Sheldon said quizzically, "I find myself at a bit of a conundrum. I would like to say that I can relate to your pain, but I find you are much stronger than I ever gave you credit for. I must apologize for my mistake. I can only imagine how you must have felt watching me discuss trains with Amy Farah Fowler. I never want you to feel as if I am belittling your mind. I find myself at odds most of the time with it, but I also find it to be one of your greatest assets; second only to your smile, humor, and French toast."

"Hmm," Penny grinned.

"It is delicious French toast."

"It's the cinnamon." Penny moved in close so she could press her lips to Sheldon's. She gripped his cheek with one hand and slowly pulled the man towards her, her other hand slid itself to play with the hair at the back of his neck. Sheldon gradually moved his hands to the base of her spine; his fingers trailing down the sides of her breasts and stomach, before resting above her jeans. Penny struggled for breath. That was new.

"Did you know cinnamon," Sheldon panted, his breath touching the moisture still left on her lips, "comes from the genus Cinnamomum which is derived from—," Sheldon stopped speaking as Penny's fingers skimmed the bottom of his t-shirt, pulling it up somewhat so she could trace the hairs leading from his navel to below.

Sheldon lifted his arms so she could remove it and even with his second layer long sleeved shirt still on, he felt light headed. "Sheldon, why do you wear so many layers?" Penny whispered it against his mouth, tugging his bottom lip gently between her teeth. "The average building is seventy-two to seventy-four degrees in the summer, depending on the wind speed. I find that to be a bit chilly."

Penny nipped at his jaw before moving down to whisper into his ear, "do you find yourself to be chilly now?" She kissed the rim of his ear. Sheldon did not squeak when she did this of course.

"No," he tightly shut his eyes as she licked the rim of his ear, top to bottom. Good lord, who knew ears, could be so…_stimulating_? "I find myself to be quite warm actually."

"Hmm," Sheldon shivered as the vibration hit his ear, around his ear, around his body, everywhere. "Let's take this shirt off as well then, okay?" Sheldon once again lift his arms so Penny could remove his second layer.

Penny lifted her body up and away from Sheldon so she could see all that pale flesh the second shirt revealed; her neck bent in an odd direction with the weight of the comforter pushing it down as she took a long look at his body. Yes, Sheldon was lanky and thin and yes he would never have an athletic build, but the way he looked at Penny in this moment? Yeah, that was worth more than a six pack.

Penny lifted her own shirt and pushed it up the bed with Sheldon's t-shirts. Sheldon blushed profusely at the red floral bra covering her breasts. His hands fisted to his sides, his nails biting into his palm. Penny lowered herself so she was now in his lap, her thighs resting on the outside of his. She leaned in to kiss him again and rasped when Sheldon decided to kiss her instead. His tongue tracing her lips before entering her mouth and over her teeth. His hands remained at his sides, so Penny reached for them and placed them under her bra.

"Where did you learn how to kiss like that?" Penny tightened her legs around his hips, changing the angle slightly and groaning at the sensation. She did it again, smirking at Sheldon who moaned out loud and closed his eyes. "You okay there, sweetie?"

"C3PO was voiced by Anthony Daniels," Penny licked her lips and raised herself up again.

"What does that have to do anything?"

"I'm trying to use Howard's advice in not ejaculating early. Apparently if a man wants to satisfy his partner, he should think of random facts or disgusting images," Penny stopped writhing in his lap. "Though, that works too."

Penny lifted her hand, "formal protest?"

Sheldon lifted an eyebrow, "over?"

"Putting disgusting images in my mind; Howard should never be mentioned while we do things in bed, deal?"

Sheldon blinked, "deal."

"Did you know Will Whedon did a number of voices in the 2009 Star Trek reboot," Penny said. Grinning broadly at the shocked look on Sheldon's face, "or that seventy-three percent of the deaths in the original series were members in red shirts? Or that one of the Sherlock Holmes novels was based on a dinner with Oscar Wilde? Did you know the main ship of Babylon 5 was designed after a clove of garlic or –," Sheldon panted as Penny began to increase the speed she moved in his lap.

"Penny, why are you sharing this information with me?"

"Just wanted to know how many facts I needed to use to distract you so we could get to the good part."

"The good part," good lord, was this the bad part? How much better could it get?

"Sheldon, take off your pants."

_Oh. _

((Alternate Universe: A what if moment, if you will…))

Penny stuck her index finger in her mouth pulling out a hunk of her Double Bubble, before sticking the stretched out piece back into her mouth over and over. This job was so boring! It was a little after three in the afternoon and so far there hadn't been a single customer.

Penny stirred the ice cream closest to her before giving up and plopping it back in the container when the door miraculously gave a tiny jingle...then another jingle, and one last jingle, before Penny heard footsteps coming inside. Finally! Customers!

Or customer. Penny looked up to see an extremely tiny boy, probably a few years older than her—though he didn't look it—wearing a Superman t-shirt and cargo pants. He fiddled around with his wrist watch when he noticed her looking, before staring right back at her with a touch of defiance. Penny popped her gum, amused.

"What can I getcha, sweetie?"

"Do you know how many germs you spread playing with your gum before touching the ice cream spoon? It's a wonder no one in this god forsaken town has died from all of that bacteria." The boy reached into his pocket, pulled out a Ziploc bag of wet wipes and began to wipe his hands and a few of the tables and chairs.

Penny watched him with her mouth agape. "Um…what're ya doin' there, sweetie?"

"My name is Sheldon, not sweetie." He looked up at her from the bottom of a booth and rolled his eyes. The ass.

"Fine," Penny said, "can I help you with ice cream or not? My boss will get angry if he sees you haven't bought anything."

"Sure," he said, drawing out the 'r' in what Penny hoped was a real southern accent and not in mockery, "because it isn't as if you are alone here, just like I am. Alone in a town full of corn huskers and Corn Queens," the boy threw his wipes into the trashcan before making his way towards the checkout.

"Hey," Penny folded her arms and scowled, "I was Corn Queen last year. It was a proud moment for my family."

"I apologize," he said.

"Really," Penny watched him closely.

"Bazinga!"

"What is a bazinga?"

Sheldon sighed, "It is the sound I make when someone has fallen for one of my pranks. I say 'bazinga' to you, because you believed I really apologized. I had not. Bazinga!" He laughed, well inhaled, clutching his sides.

"That wasn't funny. Look, do you want some ice cream or not? I can give you a serving of vanilla and chocolate?"

"Soft serve," Penny ignored the way he was wheezing.

"Yes, soft serve."

"I don't like soft serve, it's just frozen ice milk."

Penny popped her gum in frustration, "then get something else!"

"What else do you have?"

"I can scoop you out some different flavors? There's peanut butter, coffee, toffee, and caramel with marshmallows."

"Together?"

"Yes, I can give you two scoops. One of two different flavors," Penny pinched the bridge of her nose. Jesus kid! Did he have to make life so freaking difficult? Maybe she shouldn't have wished for customers.

"I don't like them together," Sheldon said, "you can't focus on one flavor and sometimes when the two flavors mix together they don't taste good."

"Then how about one scoop instead?"

Sheldon nodded, "use a different spoon, toffee please."

Penny huffed in exasperation before reaching underneath the counter for another serving spoon. She stuck the old one in her mouth, licking off the excess caramel with marshmallows which was delicious. Sheldon's look of utter disgust also made it particularly amazing, as well.

"That's disgusting."

"Yourw diwusting," she slurped loudly before popping the spoon in the sink and handing Sheldon his cup. "Two dollars and twenty-five cents please, Sheldon."

After paying for his ice cream and sitting down in one of the clean booths, Penny started popping her gum again. Now the little pain in the ass was eating his ice cream and ignoring her, that wouldn't do. Sure he was annoying as all-get-out, but Penny was going to lose her wits to boredom. She quickly made up her mind and took the seat across from him.

"So where are you from?"

"East Texas," he frowned and looked down at what was left of his ice cream, "I don't know why I answered you. I had no intention of answering you."

"I just have one of those faces," Penny smiled.

"Maybe," huh, that was weird.

"So….Texas, what is a boy like you doing out in Nebraska."

"Dying," Sheldon grinned timidly before continuing, "I'm actually working on my thesis for the university. My colleague Dr. Gabble-Houser decided to set up a fundamental research study group in the middle of nowhere. We are trying to retest Lorentz Transformation where '_t' _to the first power equals '_y'_ to '_t'_ over '_vx'_ divided by '_c'_ to the second power; where '_x'_ equals '_y'_ times '_x' _minus '_v(t)'_; where _y_ to the first power equals y by itself, same as '_z'_."

Penny had no idea what Sheldon had just said, she blinked, "well…um, can it?"

Sheldon shrugged, "who knows, who cares, it's all been done before. I want to do something different. I want to prove that string theory exists over loop quantum gravity. I am so close to proving it."

"Wow….wait, how old are you?"

Sheldon looked at her quizzically, "twenty, you?"

"Seventeen," Penny was still confused. "How did you get a doctorate when you were twenty?"

"Twenty? Good lord, I got a doctorate when I was fifteen! Twenty," Sheldon scoffed. "I'm insulted." Sheldon peered closer to Penny, "why what degree do you have?"

"I just graduated high school!"

"Oh! Well, that's better than my mom. She left high school her sophomore year because she was pregnant with my brother George. She seems to be fine, apart from marrying my dad, you'll be fine. What do you want to do?"

Penny looked away, "no idea, really, but when I was seven I played Jupiter in a play, I had fun."

"Does Nebraska have a lot of actors?"

Penny giggled, "No, not really."

"Well then, you should leave. Come out with me to Santa Barbara. It's closer to Hollywood anyway. Get some acting coaches, go to some of the local colleges, and get out of Cornville." Sheldon slid the paper DQ cup to the end of the table. "I love what I do. I'm good at it. Find something you're good at and do it. And never serve food, I don't think the world is ready."

"No bazinga," Penny asked.

"No bazinga," Sheldon smiled, "it was nice to meet you…um?"

"Penny, my name is Penny."

"Hello, Penny."

"Hi!"

"Well, we're going to be spending the next week in the corn field across from the other cornfield, next to the cow patch, know of it? It's got a dead tractor—lovely by the way—in the center of it?"

Penny nodded, "old man Jaegers' place. Yupp!"

"Of course you know it, why wouldn't you…" Sheldon twitched, "meet me there on Saturday at 3:00, not 3:05, not 3:15, 3:00 on the dot. I can get you a train ticket through this study group. It will be fun, I love trains! We're going to take a train."

"A train, but wouldn't it be faster to take a plane?"

"Penny," Penny grinned at the exhausted tone of voice when Sheldon said her name, "we're going to take a train." Enough said.

"Woo," Penny said.

"Exactly, see you Saturday. Goodbye Penny," Sheldon walked over to the door, waved briefly, and then left while Penny just sat there trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. Huh? _A rocket scientist with a plan to save the day? So much for boring. _

After two hours of sitting around without a single customer, Penny decided to go visit Sheldon at the field. This was boring and Mr. Alb would never know. Penny was staying until closing time anyway; consider it closing time! She laughed as she threw her apron onto the back hanger, picked up her purse, and flipped the sign to closing—tada!—and walked straight into the chest of another gangly boy.

"Sorry," Penny adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder, "we have to close early due to a science-y emergency. There is a nerd standing in a field surrounded by skeeters and I must push him into a swamp or something!" Penny went to move away, but glared at the arm suddenly pinching her near the elbow.

"But, I'm here to celebrate getting a role in a Colgate commercial," the no longer cute guy said, "and a shoulder to listen to my plans, if you can?"

Penny jerked her elbow away, "Mrs. Sewell's has some amazing apple pie and ice cream just down the street. I'm sure she'll be willing to listen to a good story, but I really must go." The look on Sheldon's face when he saw her would be priceless!

"Thanks for the help…um?"

Penny rolled her eyes, "Penny."

"I like Penelope better. Thank you, Penelope."

"Puh-lease, could you be any more of a dick?" Penny shoved him away from her and made her way towards town, "make sure your Colgate people know a girl named Penny gave you that nice bruise (she hadn't wanted to bruise the guy, but he flailed and hit the brick wall. Oops), wouldn't want them to give all the credit to a random person named Penelope after all. Tootles!'


	16. Chapter 14 A: MeemawMother Divergence

Note: I believe there will be 18 chapters plus an epilogue. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but we have time. No need to rush.

Chapter 14: The MeeMaw /Mother Divergence (or the chapter where Penny meets the Coopers)

Emelina Cooper never really understood gambling, people were always getting addicted to the most ridiculous things; bingo, sex, coffee. The world relied too heavily on outer things like those phone gadgets with the applications teenagers could never leave be, when in fact, the only person who could be relied on was God himself, not some application. MeeMaw's could be relied on of course, but mostly God. So, it was quite a nice surprise when Emelina Cooper won a brand new orange Ford Focus in a raffle at the church's last get together. She didn't even remember putting her name in Justice Legman's glass bowl, which the old coot dragged out on practically every occasion rain or shine. Emelina took it as a sign from the good lord himself to visit her favorite grandson.

Mary often said, "You have to take your sweet time with Sheldon." But, Moon-Pie hadn't been home in over four years; enough was enough. Emelina missed her Shelly; he was the only grandchild she actually liked. He was different. He was more like her husband Wile and thankfully nothing like his own father George, who had a mean streak as far as the Alamo. God did right when he took that man from the world and placed him in an undisclosed location far below Mary's parents Annette and Jim and her beloved Wile.

"Now Momma," Mary wrapped some tinfoil over a casserole dish full of homemade bread and boxed raisins. The rest of the ingredients for Emelina's famous bread pudding could be purchased in Pasadena, but Emelina never trusted other dishes but her own so they were all coming with her on the drive to California. "You know how Shelly hates surprises. I think we should wait and give him a few days notice."

"Poppycock," Emelina lovingly placed a glass bowl on the floor behind the driver seat, "now you coming with me Mary? Or we just going to sit here and discuss Shelly's strange little mind?" Mary grumbled to herself before getting into the passenger side. Emelina rolled her eyes as Mary crossed her arms and huffed repeatedly as Emelina put her bags in the trunk. Honestly and Mary wondered where Sheldon got his attitude from?

"Just don't yell at me when this blows up in our face."

Emelina gripped the steering wheel in her hands, "Mary Imogene Evans, when was the last time I yelled at you?" Emelina controlled her volume, watching Mary closely.

"On my wedding day," Mary screeched.

"Yes, look how well you listened! You still married the bastard!" Oh Lord, she was going to have to add a few reminders for forgiveness in her next set of prayers. Thinking those thoughts of her own flesh and blood could not be good for the soul.

Emelina sighed and started the car, "but you gave me a fantastic grandson, so I forgive you."

"I gave you three grandchildren Momma," Mary paused thinking of George Jr sitting on the couch, yelling at his knocked up girlfriend. She cringed. Her daughter Missy was doing well, but Missy was content with Texas. She would be popping out little ones sometime soon with her former quarterback boyfriend Wilson. "I see your point," she conceded quietly.

"Hmph," Emelina and Mary shared a glance before laughing.

"Whose turn is it?" Leonard leaned over the nine cards placed in a circle on the living room table; he took a bite of his Thai noodles while looking at his worker cards waiting to begin the second circle of Spyrium. Amy placed her first worker card down on the second level.

"Mine," she said, unnecessarily. "Though, I guess drawing attention to myself is unneeded as I just placed my card in this rather redundant board game."

"It isn't redundant," Bernadette said, placing a worker card around one of the three building pieces. Raj handed her some gold coins, "it's fun!"

"No," Leonard chomped on a bean sprout, "it's redundant. I'm not even sure it makes sense."

Howard placed a crystal next to Bernadette's worker, "I'm not even sure they based this on a real time period."

"We have crystals, dude," Raj took a sip of beer, "of course it isn't based on a real time period—,"

"But its fun," Bernadette ground out in her I-will-kick-your-ass-if-you-argue-with-me tone of voice.

"Oh yeah, tons of fun," Raj and Leonard quickly agreed while Amy just shook her head approvingly and smiled so big it looked painful. "When you're right, you're right," Howard uttered before kissing Bernadette on the cheek.

Amy moved her worker on top of a building card. Raj handed her more gold coins, which she placed next to her order of yellow curry.

A giggle came from behind her.

"Oh my," Raj said, "not again."

"They've been like this for days," Leonard whispered, "frankly, I don't know whether or not I should be impressed or grossed out." He shushed their responses when the door of Sheldon's door opened. Leonard looked up to find Penny in one of Sheldon's Flash t-shirts (and nothing else, it seemed) dragging a reluctant Sheldon to the bathroom.

"Sheldon come shower with me," Penny murmured.

"Penny, think of our hygiene and…well that's really unfair. Penny don't say such things. Penny? Penny don't think you're going to win every argument by taking off your undergarments. Penny! Oh good lord," Sheldon slammed the door of their bathroom.

The gang was quiet in the living room.

"Wow," Raj handed Amy more gold coins, forgetting he had already done so, watching the bathroom like a Hawk.

"Listen," Howard began, "I have a drill left over from when I helped Bernadette build cupboards and—"

"You mean when Bernadette built cupboards and you watched Lost on Netflix?" Raj smirked.

"…yes, that's what I meant. Anyway, I bet we can drill a hole in the bathroom door and they won't even notice!"

"Not in a million years Howard," Leonard munched some more on bean sprouts.

"Just hear me out," Howard said. "We can finally put the Sheldon robot rumors to rest! And who hasn't wondered if the goober can even perform the coitus? We always thought he would just procreate through mitosis, remember?"

"You want to watch my bestie have sexual relations with my best friend?" Amy tilted her head.

"Okay, so far I don't hear no," Howard rubbed the sweat off his palms and grinned manically.

"I said no Howard," Leonard reached for his water bottle.

"Don't listen to him," Bernadette reached for her purse and pulled out her car keys. She placed them in Howard's hand before shoving him of the couch. "Now go, we only have a few minutes!" Amy, Raj and Leonard stared at her in astonishment. "What?"

"You're okay with this?" Raj pointed to the bathroom.

Bernadette shrugged, "I'm curious."

"Son of a bitch," Howard muttered, "am I a lucky bastard or what?" Howard quickly jumped up and made his way out the door, never hearing Bernadette continue with, "besides, have you seen him with hand tools? He'll never be able to drill through a wall. Might as well indulge him; this is our honeymoon phase after all." He whistled the Star Wars theme on his way down the stairs.

**I'm going out of town until the 19th. I wanted to post what I had so far for this chapter. Part two will be up next week and will not count as another chapter in the eighteen.**


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